To think this is too much to expect with a 4 week old baby?!

[MotherofKitties]

I just want to see whether people think this is reasonable at this stage and what they did/would expect at this age?

I've had my first baby and she's 4 weeks old. I've had a countless number of people telling me I need to get her to baby classes (baby sensory, massage etc) and get myself out and about to the gym and fitness classes but I think that at 4 weeks that's far too early, or is it not?!

Also with my DH back at work and my DD constantly feeding, all I seem to be able to do all day is feed and change her, I just about managing to keep on top of the house work but I don't even make it out of the house most days!

She's a happy baby, sleeps as you would expect a 4 week old to but is alert and so far doesn't suffer from colic (fingers crossed this continues!) and I'm slim and getting back into some sort of shape purely through Breastfeeding, so I don't know why there's so much expectation to be taking her to classes or hitting the gym so soon, unless this is the norm?

At what age did you start taking your baby to classes? What should I be aiming to do/achieve at 4 weeks other than feeding her, changing her etc?

With DD2 I didn't leave the house for 10 weeks.

My baby is 8 mths old. We go to breastfeeding group and sometimes sing and sign.. I'm only now starting to think about the other groups!

I did baby massage when dd was tiny, about 4 or 5 weeks I think and then swimming and baby yoga when she was about 4 months. My favourite thing was baby cinema...my local cinema put on a cheap screening on a Wed morning for people with babies under 1. Dd slept through it and I got to see the current blockbusters, currently pregnant with second and that's one of the things I'm most looking forward to on mat leave now first dd is at school!!

Congratulations on your new baby! Agree with the others, when you feel ready. I personally couldn't have done anything that early, I was so tired I didn't trust myself to drive anywhere. I think DS was about four months when I took him to a baby yoga class because I really wanted to get out of the house. The idea was that it helps the mums get into shape but also involves a bit of baby massage, etc. It was the most surreal time of my life, at one point I looked around the room and saw ten exhausted women jogging around the room carrying their babies under one arm like a rugby ball, the babies either sleeping, crying or doing a WTF face I did get to meet a couple of nice people there, we bonded over the ridiculousness of the situation and didn't go back!

I didn't do any classes or sessions at the gym.

My kids are 4 &1.5 and are sociable and active and I'm a size 10.

People just want to tell you the opposite of what you're already doing.
4 week is so, so little. I hadn't even stopped bleeding at 4 weeks pp so I certainly wasn't hopping off to a spin class.

If you think the advice comes from a well meaning place, then take it, if you want.

Otherwise pay no attention.

Oh, and congratulations! 4 weeks is a lovely age for snuggles.

4 weeks? I mostly was on the sofa watching box sets leaking milk everywhere. Never took my baby to classes. Never been in a gym.

You're going to have to get used to people giving you advice. Nod and agree and do what you want.

I started going to a breast feeding support group when mine was 4 weeks old. I didn't have any particular feeding issues I needed support with as bfing was going well but it was walking distance to my house and it was niceto chat to other mums and also good to see a glimpse into the future of slightly older babies and as time went on I could ask "is this normal?" When she was going through sleep regression / development leap etc and it was affecting how much she fed.

So I'd definitely recommend going to bfing group if you can.

All other groups like baby sign are just pointless until at least 6 months although they all say from birth 🙄 Because the baby just isn't awake / responsive enough.

Baby massage is nice while they're tiny because otheraise they wriggly off too much.

I hadn't mastered unfolding and folding the pushchair at 4 weeks, by 6 weeks it braved the supermarket and John Lewis. Every afternoon from 6 weeks I went for a short walk just for some fresh air. I've booked on a baby course and my baby will be nearly 4 months when we go.
It's entirely up to you when you start doing things and staying at home and enjoying your baby is lovely.

A 4 week old would gain very little if anything from baby sensory classes - as a pp said, at that age all they want and need is to be close to you. I was talked into taking my DS to a baby sensory class at 6 weeks. It was pointless! He just wanted to feed/sleep during it, as did the other small babies there. He's nearly 6 months old now and I do take him to a couple of classes now, I would say he gets a little out of them now but he benefit is probably mainly for me for the social aspect as I have friends in the groups!

Do what feels right for you. If you don't feel like you want to go to these things then don't! Enjoy your time at home.

I tried swimming classes at 3 months with one of mine. Big mistake. Put him off for years. And some of the other mums were really odd people I wouldn't have hung out with in any other circumstance - competitive n that. At four weeks I just focused on the TV, walking to the shops now and then and occasionally going for a blow dry for morale purposes (and free childcare from salon staff who would usually play with the baby a bit or jiggle his pram). Key thing is to do what makes you happy. Then the baby is generally happy.

Congratulations

You sound like you're doing well to me! Enjoy this time. The gorgeous newborn phase doesn't last long and in my view you're doing the right thing by savouring it rather than rushing into classes.

My baby is 17 weeks and the only class we've done is the postnatal class run by the HV team. To be honest they're pretty pants so I almost wish I hadn't bothered.

Our first social thing was a meet-up with my antenatal group when baby was 4 weeks. I wanted to go so we did and I enjoyed it.

I've got the same thing wondering whether I'm a bad mum for not wanting to bother with the palava of swimming classes at this stage! And my friends are enrolling on a 'Sing and Sign' class and I just don't know if its worth it for baby at 4 months let alone 4 weeks!

The thing is OP, people are stupid.

Your four week old doesn't even know where she is. She knows where boobs are and that's pretty much all she cares about.

You can do whatever you want at this age, why spend it at those god awful places that you will have to hang out at when she's a toddler.

Go to a restaurant. Cafe. Cinema. Pub. Anywhere you'd go if you didn't have a 4 week old (bar mountain climbing). Don't voluntarily go to baby massage. She doesn't need a bloody massage.

4 week old babies need to be fed, kept warm, clean, dry and to bond with their parents. They do not need classes of any description. The only benefit is for mums to meet other new mum and a great money making ploy for businesses. The earliest mine went to any kind of class was to a toddler gymnastics session once they where able to walk and physically join in. Even this is not essential. Just enjoy your tiny baby.

Or go no where at all and just watch all of the Netflix!

It's really important to do what you want/need. Just as you did before you had your baby.

Sounds like you are content and doing just fine right now.

Unfortunately, you often have to filter out a lot of well meaning advice/opinion too. Nod and smile and carry on your merry happy way.

" What should I be aiming to do/achieve at 4 weeks other than feeding her, changing her etc?"

You should be aiming to achieve exactly that- anything else is a bonus.

But a lot of babies love baby massage and baby groups are fun (for you- the baby doesn't care!) and getting out and about will be good for both of you so maybe do a bit of research for what you might want to do in a few weeks time. Then you can shut them up by saying "oh yes, I've booked her in for baby massage"

Thank you all for replying so quickly!

That's made me feel a lot better. I was starting to worry that I wasn't doing enough because so many people have said/mentioned it to me.

I totally get that such classes can be a lifeline for those who are sufferings with PND and need other mums to talk to, but fortunately after the initial few days of baby blues I'm absolutely fine and feel happy and secure in my new role as a mum

Ive enjoyed establishing BF and have spent pretty much all of my time topless as my little one just wants to feed all the time, and that's one of the reasons why I was a bit at the pressure from a surprising number of people to be getting to baby classes and to start working out as I was thinking how on earth can I do that when she's constantly attached to me?!

Hearing that a lot of you waited several months if not later (of at all!) to do that kind of thing has been great; I'm glad I'm not being unreasonable to think that it's too early! I'll just see how we get on and if I think she'll enjoy it or I want to meet more local new mums I'll look into it when we're ready.

Thank you for replying

The only things you should be doing are loving and caring for your new baby and recovering from childbirth.

Sounds like you're doing a great job op , don't do anything else until you're ready.

IMO they're more for the mum than the baby!

This. I'm pregnant and have done a lot of social pregnancy stuff (NCT, yoga etc) because I like the idea of having a group of people in the same position as me to chat to and bond with post-birth. No one is cliquey or difficult (yet?), which helps.

I've a friend with a 2 month old who hasn't left the house much since the birth. Frankly I do worry that she's depressed, but a) I'm in no position to diagnose anyone and b) some people are just perfectly happy at home with their little ones; we're all different.

You need to do whatever fits in with you. My first was a very easy baby and I went to baby massage when she was 2 weeks old as I was going stir crazy in the house. I was also a member of nct and we used to meet up weekly too.

Some of them only left the house for the nct meet up, some were doing classes/groups.

Do whatever you feel comfortable with, there's no rush!

I waited until he was 6 weeks, most classes don't let you start until they're 6 weeks old. I wanted to get out and about so it was purely for my benefit. A tiny baby doesn't need any stimulation other than its mother and other family members talking to it and showing it things.

Congratulations! I have a four week old too. Sod the gym. I also have a 19 month old who has never been to a baby group in his life, and he's doing great.

People are probably just concerned about you. Having a baby can be isolating. But if you are happy carry on.

I had only read the first couple of sentences of your post when I was thinking "getting out for a walk is an achievement at that age". At 4 weeks with both of mine I was barely out of the feeding-is-painful stage let alone ready to be out and about.

So yes, make the most of any good weather over the next few weeks and try to get some walks in when you can. I'd be thinking twice a week counts as success though you might need to aim for daily to have any hope of achieving that! As winter really sets in will be plenty soon enough to look around and think "is there a baby group I want to try visiting".

Mine is 9 years old and i haven't started hitting the gym yet :)

I do think people think they should be supporting a new mum to "find herself" again, not "just" be a mum and all about the baby.

Meeting people and buiding a social life, "me-time" at the gym etc. Many people before they have kids swear their life will carry on and baby will just fit in around them, and i think that is now seen as the goal -actually stopping your life to deal with the baby only is somehow not coping.

I got it an awful lot due to breastfeeding. People were constantly telling me to stop "for you", because i couldn't leave her for nights out, go drinking, for days out shopping. They seemed to think i was martyring myself, and i should just formula feed then i could get back to my pre baby life and leave her with parents or dh. It would be better for me, apparently, to get away from her. Plus the comments about creating a rod for my own back, clingy baby, i should let someone else have a go at feeding her, i was being selfish not to.

In short, people are mad and always have an opinion. You sound like you are doing great!