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Original poster

DSIL abandoning DN at mine without asking

229 replies

charlie2405 · 03/09/2017 08:34

More of a WWYD really.....

So yesterday SIL turned up at 11.30 stating she was having issues with her dp and wanted a chat. She stayed til one when suddenly announced she was going to the pub for a couple of pints(?) But would be back later. I had nothing on yesterday was just pottering so said yeah that's fine. She took DN (11) with her. I popped to my mum's with my 3 DC (ds10 dd3 and ds2 3 months). Then had a call from her phone around half 2. It was DN stating he was bored at the pub could he come round. I said that's fine as DSiL was supposed to be coming back round to mine anyway.
2 hrs later I had made dinner so fed DN. No text etc to state where she was.DN then piped up that she had arranged to go with her DP to another friends house for a piss Up!

Long story short couldn't get hold of her all night DN who is iffy about staying out at the best of times wouldn't sleep or go to bed until midnight in case she came back. Had to move dd from her room to make space for the boys to sleep together. Dd was unsettled by DN crying and woke up, my sensitive DS is very upset for his cousin and none us us had a good sleep. It's now half past 8 and still not heard from her.
My DH is due to pick her up for work in 15mins although he feels like he should.bloody well leave her in bed.

So WWYD and how would you approach it? She has form for apparently forgetting she has kids (2 elder DN who now at university). I don't like confrontation but feel like she has royally taken the kids especially as she's gone out with DP who she was stating that she was going to leave just a few hours before!

OP posts:
Garliccalamari · 03/09/2017 14:19

You are the only chance the child has to a normal life. This is neglect and you should be reporting is to SS. Please don't let him down!

Bobbiepin · 03/09/2017 14:26

Do it today OP. Don't wait.

Sunnyshores · 03/09/2017 14:27

It gets worse with every post you write, youve sat by for long enough, pickup the bloody phone and ring NOW.

notapizzaeater · 03/09/2017 14:30

Your poor DN - please report to SS

Mamahanji · 03/09/2017 14:30

I'm sorry but I would report my own sister if I thought she was neglecting her children!

I'm a bit shocked as to why people are keen on 'keeping the family happy' when your nephew is malnourished and neglected. Surely it should be 'fuck my SIL, I can't stand by and let a child be neglected and played with just to prevent drama'

I'm sorry but if you don't call today, you're as bad as she is!

flippinada · 03/09/2017 14:46

What a sad and horrible situation. At first it sounded like your SIL was "just" a cheeky piss taker but what you've described is much more serious and actually very distressing to read. Your poor DN, that description of him crying in the night is just so sad.

I agree with PP you should report to SS and speak to NSPCC. I don't say this lightly by the way, having done so myself. I know it's not an easy thing to do at all. Given what you've described though it has to be done.

Original poster
charlie2405 · 03/09/2017 14:51

Have contacted them while at mums house. Being Sunday it's emergency duty only. A call handler has taken my details and a description and she said someone should contact me back.

OP posts:
MrsChopper · 03/09/2017 14:53

Agree you need to report this asap. The poor child has had a dreadful time!

And stop being a doormat and enabling her shit behaviour. That goes for you, your DH and PIL.

flippinada · 03/09/2017 14:54

Good for you Charlie Flowers. Someone has to put your DN first, you've done the right thing.

User02 · 03/09/2017 14:55

A point to consider. The Sil has about 3 DCs. Mil has one, One at University and DN is shuffled to you and your mum (no relation to the child). The conduct of Sil this weekend has been very neglectful of DN and alcohol prioritised over DN. It is clear that your DCs were all upset by the conduct of Sil. It is bad enough what she is doing to her own DC but now it is affecting your DCs and that definitely should not be accepted by you or your DH. Your Dmum is being drawn into this too.
Someone has to stop this horrible Sil and that person has to be you. You can do it annonymously, you can make out you are a friend of your own reporting all the stress on you and DCs.
After you get all that dealt with you then have to ensure that DH knows all this is unacceptable and you will not be facilitating Sil any more. You also have to make sure that MIL is very aware.
It is harsh but you have to do what you can for DN and now you also have to protect your own DCs from distress caused by Sil,

Sunnyshores · 03/09/2017 14:56

Well done OP, this is the best thing you could have done for DN

Armadillostoes · 03/09/2017 15:00

Well done OP. It can't have been easy buy you 100% did the right thing.

Sophiealice95 · 03/09/2017 15:00

I hope you are ready for the fallout OP . Although you will remain anon , I fear that your sil will know it is you and hit out . I think you did the right thing the poor child .

Mamahanji · 03/09/2017 15:03

Well done OP! That can't have been easy but it was definitely the right thing to do.

Silverthorn · 03/09/2017 15:06

Well done OP, you have made a very difficult but a very right decision for dn. Hopefully sil can get some help and dn can stay with his Mum.
Stay strong in the fall-out. BrewCake

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/09/2017 15:09

Well done. It really was time to do something for this poor lad. It will be obvious it was you and your dh. But she really left you no choice. Your family has been enabling her for far too long.

User02 · 03/09/2017 15:18

Well done OP. You have done the right thing for DN and also your DCs

DamsonGin · 03/09/2017 15:23

Well done!

loveacupa · 03/09/2017 15:37

Good on you !! To many people stand back & watch this sort of thing happen ! She won't change ! Not fair on the child !

LML83 · 03/09/2017 15:43

U had no choice hopefully DN gets the support he needs. Well done for reporting must have been difficult.

WhoresDoeuvres · 03/09/2017 15:52

I'm proud of you, OP. You did the right thing for that child. He was probably wishing someone would act to protect him for a long time.

Earlyriser84 · 03/09/2017 16:03

Report to SS

Clear case of parental neglect

Earlyriser84 · 03/09/2017 16:04

Just read the last page !

You did the right thing. Children need all of us to look out for them

x

Original poster
charlie2405 · 03/09/2017 16:08

They've taken my actual details to call me back. My parents are supportive but I can imagine DH won't be too impressed when I tell him. I imagine that SIL will know it's me and MIL will be furious . We count rebt anywhere bigger for the time being as we have a new morgage and can't rent ours back. I'm worried about what will happen to DN if he is removed he's due to start secondary school next week.

OP posts:
vikingprincess81 · 03/09/2017 16:09

Well done OP, you've done the right thing, and your DN will thank you for it. We all have responsibilities when it comes to the children in our lives, I'm glad you felt strong enough to pick up the phone.
As for the fall out, well SIL was already scowling at you, perhaps if she gets the help she needs she'll thank you for it in the long run. Unlikely, but you never know.