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Original poster

DSIL abandoning DN at mine without asking

229 replies

charlie2405 · 03/09/2017 08:34

More of a WWYD really.....

So yesterday SIL turned up at 11.30 stating she was having issues with her dp and wanted a chat. She stayed til one when suddenly announced she was going to the pub for a couple of pints(?) But would be back later. I had nothing on yesterday was just pottering so said yeah that's fine. She took DN (11) with her. I popped to my mum's with my 3 DC (ds10 dd3 and ds2 3 months). Then had a call from her phone around half 2. It was DN stating he was bored at the pub could he come round. I said that's fine as DSiL was supposed to be coming back round to mine anyway.
2 hrs later I had made dinner so fed DN. No text etc to state where she was.DN then piped up that she had arranged to go with her DP to another friends house for a piss Up!

Long story short couldn't get hold of her all night DN who is iffy about staying out at the best of times wouldn't sleep or go to bed until midnight in case she came back. Had to move dd from her room to make space for the boys to sleep together. Dd was unsettled by DN crying and woke up, my sensitive DS is very upset for his cousin and none us us had a good sleep. It's now half past 8 and still not heard from her.
My DH is due to pick her up for work in 15mins although he feels like he should.bloody well leave her in bed.

So WWYD and how would you approach it? She has form for apparently forgetting she has kids (2 elder DN who now at university). I don't like confrontation but feel like she has royally taken the kids especially as she's gone out with DP who she was stating that she was going to leave just a few hours before!

OP posts:
Mulberry72 · 03/09/2017 09:59

Disgusting behaviour from your SIL! Although I feel very sorry for your DN, don't cancel your plans with your DC, she needs to sort out DN today, not you.

WhateverNameIsStillAvailable · 03/09/2017 10:01

I'd text her saying exactly what happened. She should have arranged this with you and not just left him hanging. He was asking for his mum all night long. He was worried because she couldn't be bothered to let you and him know whether or not she will be back as she had said she would.
Asshole mother she is!
You have to tell her it's unacceptable.

Original poster
charlie2405 · 03/09/2017 10:01

Pengggwn I would love to send that but don't white have the courage!

flumpybear- no she had no way of actually knowing he was with me as she didn't answer any of my calls!

Maelstrop- DH is frankly sick of her. She's got form for this in the past. She's also caused other problems and he's sick of cleaning up her messes. She's older than us by 10 years ( we're early thirties) and still acts like a teenager at times with regards to responsibilities. She's knows my youngest two have been really ill this week and I'm shattered. Don't understand as a mother how she can just forget about her kid!

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 03/09/2017 10:04

What are you going to do with your dn?

Butterymuffin · 03/09/2017 10:08

Ring her partner and say he needs to collect your DN. If he's self employed he can take DN with him to work until SIL has finished.

elevenclips · 03/09/2017 10:09

I'd send a text back saying, your son was very distressed and crying and this made your toddler cry and you had to move kids rooms about. That says that she's fucked you over without saying it directly.

WomblingThree · 03/09/2017 10:11

If she is your DH's sister then he should be dealing with it. You obviously all enable her, what with lifts to work and letting her kick the arse on childcare. Your DH needs to tell her to sort her life out and leave you out of it.

Pouncival · 03/09/2017 10:11

Pengggwn I would love to send that but don't white have the courage!

then she's going to continue to walk all over you

Come on OP get your big girl knickers on - you've already said your DH is sick of her too so it's not as if it's going to cause a row with him!

Original poster
charlie2405 · 03/09/2017 10:15

Saracen- I think I'll go with something along these lines. She so thick skinned I don't think it will sink in though. I don't want to create drama but how on earth can you expect others to sort out your kid without even asking is beyond me!

OP posts:
Original poster
charlie2405 · 03/09/2017 10:18

Cheers guys. I didn't think I was BU in being pissed off. DN is having breakfast as we speak and I've told him what his mum said. He has reiterated that he did not say he would stay the night. DH hasn't text to say she's at work or not yet so I'm waiting to hear from him. Gonna get my big girl pants on and text her now.

OP posts:
Cambionome · 03/09/2017 10:18

Tell your dh to sort it out with her, but make sure he actually does it.

I would be furious!

AlternativeTentacle · 03/09/2017 10:19

I don't want to create drama

Well no, as you seem to be starring in hers.

Why are you not telling her that she/her partner needs to come and pick up her son as you are off out today?

Original poster
charlie2405 · 03/09/2017 10:22

Planning in sending this. It is enough?

He told me he was under the impression you were coming back. He wouldn't go to sleep cause he was worried about you so he didn't go to sleep til well after midnight. He will probably be tired today. In future could you let me know if he's planning on stopping the night please.

OP posts:
AlternativeTentacle · 03/09/2017 10:24

In future could you let me know if he's planning on stopping the night please

no no no!

In future please tell me if you want to walk all over me? No!

You are not everyone's fucking doormat.

BoneyBackJefferson · 03/09/2017 10:24

StarlitTrees
Your DH should have taken him with him when going to pick her up.

the poor little mite has enough to content without more being put on him.

Yes the OP has is right in being pissed off, but the child needs to know that someone cares.

BoneyBackJefferson · 03/09/2017 10:26

charlie2405

I would go the whole hog and say
"don't do this again, its not fair on your child".

Ooogetyooo · 03/09/2017 10:28

I don't think you go far enough in your response there OP. I would spell it out to her exactly how disruptive she has been and you won't put up with it again.

Bobbins43 · 03/09/2017 10:30

Your poor DN. It sounds like an awful night for all concerned :(

pictish · 03/09/2017 10:30

Leave out the last sentence. But otherwise fine.

Runningpear · 03/09/2017 10:33

No, you need to be far tougher. Your message is giving her the go ahead to do it again.
You need to send something along the lines of:
'SIL what you did yesterday was unacceptable, you were out of touch all day, and we had no idea where you were. your behaviour massively upset your son which in turn upset my kids. If you pull this stunt on me again I will be in touch with SS'.

NoSquirrels · 03/09/2017 10:33

No! More assertive- she has royally taken the piss.

DN thought you were coming to pick him up. He wouldn't go to bed till after midnight, he cried & was really upset I couldn't get hold of you, and my DC were disturbed too. We love DN and it was awful to see him upset. You can't just assume it's OK to leave him overnight without discussing it with us. When can you or DO pick him up?

WorknameJimEllis · 03/09/2017 10:37

What runningpear said

Exactly that.

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/09/2017 10:37

Change the last sentence to "Your son was anxious and upset, which upset my children. This is unfair on your child and distressing for my children"

DoveOfPiss · 03/09/2017 10:40

Can you squeeze him in the car on your way out and drop him off at SIL's workplace? Or drop him off at home if her DP will be there?

2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 03/09/2017 10:42

Don't send your text. You are confusing your love for your nephew with being a doormat to SIL . Others above especially squirrels and runningpear are the best.