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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so annoyed my child's phone was taken off him at a sleepover?

557 replies

minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 18:12

DS stayed over with a friend last night. There were four there in total. He has a phone so he can text/call us if he needs to. Before going to bed, phones and tablets were removed from the visiting children.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? He finds it quite stressful staying over and he hated being unable to contact us.

OP posts:
GetAHaircutCarl · 02/09/2017 19:38

It's perfectly normal not to allow unsupervised access to tech amongst 9 year olds.

In which parallel universe is that not normal?

ArcheryAnnie · 02/09/2017 19:38

It's not really practical or always possible to infrom the guests parents about your rules though if it doesn't occur to you that they aren't universal rules.

This. It's a very common rule, and one that various agencies advise is best practice.

When you send your kids on a sleepover, you expect to have a different household's rules "imposed" on them. If there are particular things which are non-negotiable for you, but common for many other people, you should raise it yourself.

BarbarianMum · 02/09/2017 19:39

They generally don't ime not. Round here phones typically start appearing at 11, ready for secondary school.

Valuedopinion · 02/09/2017 19:39

SmileEachDay my point is that you sound very lacking in understanding and quite in educated in considering that not all dc are the same.

Valuedopinion · 02/09/2017 19:40

It's not common though in my experience.

ArcheryAnnie · 02/09/2017 19:40

How can you have "compassion" for a situation you were unaware existed? The OP does not seem to have mentioned it to the host family, only to us, after the fact.

Marmenteum · 02/09/2017 19:41

I wouldn't expect a 9 year old to even bring a phone on a sleepover!

SmileEachDay · 02/09/2017 19:41

Smile so would you rather a child was excluded than let them have a phone?

If the parents informed me, I'd work around it - I'd make sure the child felt comfortable enough with me to tell me there was an issue, look at the sleeping arrangements so the child felt secure, arrange for him to call his mum at X time etc

There aren't that many things I'm inflexible on actually, but unsupervised internet and young children is one of them.

GetAHaircutCarl · 02/09/2017 19:42

Of course it's common valued.

Kids of that age absolutely should not be given unsupervised access to tech. All safeguarding agencies are clear on this.

DragonsandDungeons · 02/09/2017 19:42

I wouldn't have thought this a common rule, I don't know anyone who does this or had it done to them (I'm 23, myself and my friends remember our teens!).

Marmenteum · 02/09/2017 19:43

If you've ever been called into the heads office because one of the children you had for a sleepover has sent bullying texts to another child while at your house you'd be more informed about the dangers of little kids and phones

Valuedopinion · 02/09/2017 19:43

Why should she have to divulge medical information or a diagnosis?

This assumption that every 'good' parent does it is just so arrogant, it's not done by everyone.

It's up to the host to mention that phones will be removed from visitors. Then no one is put in the position of being judged as to whether they are a good parent or not Hmm

BMW6 · 02/09/2017 19:43

I agree with "their house, their rules".
He'll know not to attend a sleepover at that house again if he's uncomfortable with the house rule.

SmileEachDay · 02/09/2017 19:44

SmileEachDay my point is that you sound very lacking in understanding and quite in educated in considering that not all dc are the same.

Yup. I'm completely oblivious to the fact all children are different. Obvs. Hmm

AldiAisleOfCrap · 02/09/2017 19:44

I would always take phones off children at bed time. Really irresponsible not to.

Valuedopinion · 02/09/2017 19:45

If you've ever been called into the heads office because one of the children you had for a sleepover has sent bullying texts to another child while at your house you'd be more informed about the dangers of little kids and phone

You see^

It's this kind of arrogance I hate. You know nothing about me, the age of my dc or my qualifications.

There is a scenario that I have described which is the opposite to this, where the bullied child was unable to get help.

BubbleAnimal · 02/09/2017 19:45

Why should she have to divulge medical information or a diagnosis?

I'd expect to know anything like this for any child that is in my care overnight. You are acting as their carer overnight. Would you send a child and not tell the parent they were diabetic? Or asthmatic? No. So you should discretely tell them about any medical or diagnosis that may arise overnight, or in an emergency. Surely that's just common sense?

Valuedopinion · 02/09/2017 19:45

SmileEachDay, yes, your posts do imply that.

Valuedopinion · 02/09/2017 19:46

BubbleAnimal, no, I wouldn't tell the majority of parents about a diagnosis.
You only have to read the responses on here towards children with anxiety to see the lack of compassion.

SmileEachDay · 02/09/2017 19:47

Why, Valued? Because I don't think children being allowed unsupervised access to the internet is a bad idea?

Which of my posts implies that I think all children are the same?

eyebrowsonfleek · 02/09/2017 19:47

If your son can't tell his friend or the friend's mum that he wanted to call you then he shouldn't be on a sleepover.

Aside from the safety aspect, a broken phone will cause lots of drama that most people will want to avoid- who pays? Whose fault? Repair or new phone etc.

Justgivemesomepeace · 02/09/2017 19:48

It's a sleepover. Normal rules don't apply in my house. We have bedtime, not on a sleepover, no eating rubbish before bed, not on a sleepover, no screens, not on a sleepover. I would never take phones off other people's kids. Who knows how they are going to feel and they might just want a chat with mum. I have known other kids be mean and a mum called in the middle of the night to pick them up. They won't always be comfortable to come to you if there's an issue. I wouldn't want my kids phone taken and she's not allowed it at home. My dd is 15 had loads of sleepovers over the years and has never had her phone removed. I think I live in that parallel universe.

Marmenteum · 02/09/2017 19:48

So... You won't tell the parent about a medical diagnosis. Just expect them to change their rules for your child.

Fgs. Just tell them they have anxiety.

BubbleAnimal · 02/09/2017 19:48

Well then you are very different to me Value. I would not send my son somewhere overnight and not inform the parent looking after him of his medical needs.

Valuedopinion · 02/09/2017 19:49

Why, Valued? Because I don't think children being allowed unsupervised access to the internet is a bad idea?

No, because you have shown a real lack of empathy and a dismissive attitude towards dc not as robust as yours.

Plus, you tried to turn the issue of a child texting their mum when worried in to 'unsupervised access' of the internet.
Would you not be supervising visiting children then?