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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so annoyed my child's phone was taken off him at a sleepover?

557 replies

minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 18:12

DS stayed over with a friend last night. There were four there in total. He has a phone so he can text/call us if he needs to. Before going to bed, phones and tablets were removed from the visiting children.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? He finds it quite stressful staying over and he hated being unable to contact us.

OP posts:
Louiselouie0890 · 02/09/2017 19:49

It's not undermining your parenting. When you enter someones home yoy have the respect to follow there rules. I dont think he's ready for sleepovers by the sound of it.

Valuedopinion · 02/09/2017 19:50

Justgivemesomepeace, me too. I think we have older dc too.

Pengggwn · 02/09/2017 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Valuedopinion · 02/09/2017 19:51

If your son can't tell his friend or the friend's mum that he wanted to call you then he shouldn't be on a sleepover.

And there we have it, usual MN attitude.

SmileEachDay · 02/09/2017 19:51

No, because you have shown a real lack of empathy and a dismissive attitude towards dc not as robust as yours.
Where? Where have I done that?

Plus, you tried to turn the issue of a child texting their mum when worried in to 'unsupervised access' of the internet.
Would you not be supervising visiting children then?

Having a smartphone in a room IS unsupervised access. Presume the children will be sleeping in a room with no adults?

supermoon100 · 02/09/2017 19:52

Why on earth would your child need to text you in the middle of the night?

Valuedopinion · 02/09/2017 19:52

Pengggwn what's 'fucking ridiculous' is assuming that your fucking rules are the same as everyone else's fucking rules...

LIZS · 02/09/2017 19:52

Probably to stop them messing about with them and get some sleep. The others may have had data allowances even if he didn't. I doubt he was singled out and could have asked for it back if needs be.

TormundsGingerBeard · 02/09/2017 19:53

No one takes my DS' phone without repercussions

"Boggling at what the repercussions might be"

I'm boggling at the thought that someone so aggressive towards other parents' perfectly reasonable rules is in charge of children. Huff sounds a tad unstable imo, threatening "repercussions" for such a minor issue.

Valuedopinion · 02/09/2017 19:53

SmileEachDay, do you not check on them?
I find that dreadful parenting, I would never do that.

Are you going to keep diverting from the issue of a child with anxiety?

Lots of your posts showed lack of empathy, not sure I can be bothered to trawl through them again.

jjbutt · 02/09/2017 19:54

What onfleek said
I wouldn t want a 9 yo on a sleepover at my house to have a phone let alone a smart phone.If he has a problem he can raise it with me , DH or my child.If he doesn't feel able to do that , he should not be on a sleepover.

Marmenteum · 02/09/2017 19:54

I totally agree that if a child needs to text his mum in the middle of the night he's not ready for a sleepover.

ArcheryAnnie · 02/09/2017 19:54

Why should she have to divulge medical information or a diagnosis?

Are you seriously saying that if your child has particular medical needs, you shouldn't mention it to the people who will be looking after that child, and who will be in loco parentis while your child is at their house?

Good god.

Marmenteum · 02/09/2017 19:56

Empathy for an anxious child is sending them on very carefully selected sleepovers with parents you know well, who you can be utterly transparent with.

Empathy is not packing them off with a phone so you can swoop in and sort their problems for them and probably make the other parents feel awful in the process.

SmileEachDay · 02/09/2017 19:56

Lots of your posts showed lack of empathy, not sure I can be bothered to trawl through them again.

No, go on. Find one...just one...

Yes, I check on them. That's not the same as no unsupervised access.

I've answered the question about an anxious child. It's up there ^. Smile

TeeBee · 02/09/2017 19:56

It's good parenting in my opinion. Children of that age should not have unsupervised and unfettered access to the internet, and certainly not playing around on them whilst they are supposed to be asleep. Mine were never allowed to have phones or tablets in rooms at that age and I used to ask that they left them downstairs.
If you leave your child with another parent, you accept that they will parent in your place. If you don't accept that, maybe don't let them stay over. We all have different rules but in their house, it's their rules.

Valuedopinion · 02/09/2017 19:57

It's a sleepover, not a school

In response to someone mentioning reasonable adjustments, which you seemed to find funny.

No archery, I wouldn't divulge medical information that did not relate to needing medication. I have had enough experience of grown adults socially isolating children who are a bit 'different' to know that it's a bad idea.

Valuedopinion · 02/09/2017 19:57

Found it smile

Pengggwn · 02/09/2017 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Valuedopinion · 02/09/2017 19:59

Pengggwn ooh, you sound really grown up. Glad you enjoyed it, you can join the perfect parent with perfect children club Smile

Justgivemesomepeace · 02/09/2017 19:59

I can't believe so many of you think you are all so approachable to young children that they will all raise issues with you. I have quite confident kids, who would never have been able to find their way to a relative strangers bedroom in the middle of the night, wake them up to tell them if they had a problem. Your kids can surely understand that different rules might apply on a sleepover then be reinstated back to normal afterwards.

SmileEachDay · 02/09/2017 20:00

*It's a sleepover, not a school

In response to someone mentioning reasonable adjustments, which you seemed to find funny.*

I found the phrasing "reasonable adjustments" funny - it's a very school phrase.

Now, find me a post where I've not shown compassion for an anxious child?

Marmenteum · 02/09/2017 20:00

Maybe not justgivemesomepeace but I had a little girl here once who woke ds up and HE came to find me.

Pengggwn · 02/09/2017 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Valuedopinion · 02/09/2017 20:01

SmileEachDay why on earth would you find it funny?

How bizarre, it's really not funny for those of us with dc who need them. It's also used in the medical and legal world.