To be so annoyed my child's phone was taken off him at a sleepover?

[minnieproblems]

DS stayed over with a friend last night. There were four there in total. He has a phone so he can text/call us if he needs to. Before going to bed, phones and tablets were removed from the visiting children.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? He finds it quite stressful staying over and he hated being unable to contact us.

The issue is that this is not your child, it's a child with anxiety who thought that he could instantly communicate with the parent.

Then the OP should have made this clear to the hosting parent beforehand. They aren't psychic. When I host a kid who has particular needs, then I expect the parents to tell me about it so I can look after their child properly, not expect me to guess it with no evidence that there was anything to guess, and then complain afterwards when I didn't do the right thing.

Plus, if you are such a diligent parent, you should have every filter going on your wifi and be checking on the children in your care.

Which don't work if the internet is accessed via 3G/4G....

OP - did you tell the host parent about anxiety?

Their house their rules. Seems a perfectly logical rule for someone to have at a sleepover.

So what? You don't make adjustments for kids in your house?

I wouldn't want my kids around some of you tbh. Hardline rulez is rulez type folk with no regard for anyone rude.

Anyone else*

SmileEachDay, it's society, thank goodness not everyone is like you and some people try to understand others.

My previous point stands.

And then, if the thing requested - having a smartphone in the bedroom overnight - falls outside my house rules, then I can make that clear beforehand and the parents can make their own decisions about whether the kid still comes on the sleepover.

I think it was good that both phones and tablets were removed.
The children could have started messing or bullying one of the group and uploaded stuff/ photos onto social media.

^^This.

And I'd be if a parent turned up to collect their child at 2am and I wasn't expecting it as they hadn't asked me to phone or sort out the problem.

Opinion

I can easily imagine how the kids that bullied me thought that type of behaviour was okay if their parents are smug self-congratulating sorts

And equally the host should explain what 'rules' they impose on guests. Then everyone can make a sensible decision.

Exactly.

It's not really practical or always possible to infrom the guests parents about your rules though if it doesn't occur to you that they aren't universal rules.

You'd end up having to explain the whole sleepover minute to minute in case someone has a rule you've never dreamt of.

You've learned a lesson OP, if your DS needs his phone you need to send him to houses where they are allowed in bedrooms from now on

Yes, I absolutely make adjustments (your phrasing just made me chuckle a bit Dragons - it's very school ish)

But not about unsupervised internet access.

Of course I make adjustments for others. I change food I'm cooking, programmes we watch, volume levels. If I know a child well enough to know they have anxiety, I reassure them, I leave my bedroom door ajar and sleep lightly, leave a light on. I wouldn't hide a phone, but I would still put them outside of a bedroom. I would hope a child sleeping over at my house knows me well enough to talk to me directly. But then again, we have very few sleepovers and those we do are with children we know really well.

So what? You don't make adjustments for kids in your house?

No, if I'm unaware that adjustments need to be made, because the parents have kept entirely shtum on this and expected me to guess, or if the adjustment (having phones in the bedroom) is one I think unwise or unfair, in which case I would let the parents know that I wouldn't do it.

I think SmileEachDay is a teacher

OP - is this actually something that it a problem for you (you feel anxious that you wouldn't have been able to contact him easily)?

YABU. It's up to you to explain your DS's needs at a sleepover and then the parents can decide if they can accommodate in advance. I don't allow mobile devices in bedrooms at sleepovers
for safety and sleep reasons.

kids with anxiety can't have reasonable adjustments. Nice one MN.
That would be a fair point of the mum had already talked through the son's issues before hand and worked out what was a reasonable adjustment. Just rocking up and expecting things to go your own way without explaining the situation or working round it (like maybe arrange for him to make a call home a couple of times during the evening) is not reasonable

Smile so would you rather a child was excluded than let them have a phone?

Why would you assume that your house rules are universal?

I think SmileEachDay is a teacher sad

What's your point, Valued?

Why would you?

Maybe missing the point... but why do 9 year olds have smart phones? No wonder so many kids watch porn when their parents do this sort of moronic thing.

Her point is that she'd expect more compassion.