Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so annoyed my child's phone was taken off him at a sleepover?

557 replies

minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 18:12

DS stayed over with a friend last night. There were four there in total. He has a phone so he can text/call us if he needs to. Before going to bed, phones and tablets were removed from the visiting children.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? He finds it quite stressful staying over and he hated being unable to contact us.

OP posts:
Lucked · 02/09/2017 22:07

what if he had had credit, how was the host to know. Also the hosts child may have had the wifi code the OP couldn't have known that wifi would be inaccessible unless she instigated the conversation with the parents.

Huffletuff · 02/09/2017 22:08

I find it weird that people find it weird. Why wouldn't you want to know if your loved ones have arrived at a destination safely? That, to me, is utterly bizarre. We have nothing to hide.

Headofthehive55 · 02/09/2017 22:10

Hmm.
We have just had a sleepover and the boy in question brought a smartphone. Same age. I don't want him showing my son unsuitable images ir watching YouTube. I can't police it at bedtime if he has a phone with him.

I'm not sure you can remove a child's possession, but I plan to not allow the situation to occur again.

Interestingly my DD has just returned from a week away with guides abroad. She couldn't text me - phone doesn't work abroad. If she felt unconfident without that ability I wouldn't have allowed her to go.

gillybeanz · 02/09/2017 22:11

Mine had a phone to start high school and no internet or contract just payg.
There is a no gadget rule in bedrooms in our home and we expect visiting children to keep to our rules.
Nobody has ever complained, I'm not sure what their friends parents do, except for the ones who openly say they don't either.

Original poster
minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 22:11

I think something like guides might be a bit different, as there would be an adult there DS would have a strong relationship with. Same as school trips.

OP posts:
m0therofdragons · 02/09/2017 22:12

Why on earth would a primary age dc need a mobile at a sleepover? I would absolutely remove mobiles at bedtime - mine have no electronic devices over night in their rooms. So much evidence to suggest this is the right thing to do for our dc. If I had a dc stay who needed to call a parent I would absolutely let them but texting all night? I'm stunned anyone thinks this is unreasonable. At 17 yes but primary age? None of the primary dc I know have mobiles until year 6 earliest but they wouldn't take them to a sleepover. looks like my rl world is very different from mnetters Confused

Soslowmo · 02/09/2017 22:15

We have a 'no phones in bedroom at night' rule and this also applies to friends who are sleeping over. I do say, 'I'll leave your phone on the landing'. I am not comfortable with children having internet access through the night, especially in a group, when they may be more likely to be silly with what they do.
I have regularly seen messages sent to my dd's phone at 2am 😳.

cdtaylornats · 02/09/2017 22:15

Didn't have the wifi code

Now how could he have got around that ?
"Hey mate what's the wifi password"

Headofthehive55 · 02/09/2017 22:15

If he can't speak up and tell the parents he is unhappy then he is too Young to go.

DermotOLogical · 02/09/2017 22:16

WTF you track your family.

This is a parallel universe.

Headofthehive55 · 02/09/2017 22:17

Mine dont get a mobile until secondary school either.

Marmenteum · 02/09/2017 22:19

Omg.

You track your family? You panic if you can't text your Dc? You need to chill, seriously.

Original poster
minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 22:19

I haven't mentioned tracking my family although I do sometimes nose at where DH is using find my iphone

mother many here are in agreement with you so I'm not sure why you're so incredulous, it may just be where I am is different but most children have phones.

OP posts:
TormundsGingerBeard · 02/09/2017 22:20

@OddBoots

Not sure of how you totted that up but I'd say 90/10 in the host parents' favour not 50/50!

misshelena · 02/09/2017 22:24

I'm not forcing it, misshelena, but your post largely explains exactly why he just wouldn't be comfortable asking to use the house phone!

So don't let him go. Really, it can only hurt him, if a buddy notices him "crying quietly". I think you can imagine all the names they can call your son.

Around here, almost all the kids have smartphones by age 11. Many earlier.

OddBoots · 02/09/2017 22:24

Maybe, but whatever the ratio I'd say it is clear that if you are the parent of a child going to a sleepover and overnight phone access (either having it or making sure they don't have it) is important you need to ask the hosts their rules before you decide if your child can go.

Original poster
minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 22:25

He wants to, helena

He is aware he feels anxious away from home but tries to address it.

You are not sounding terribly kind, you know.

OP posts:
Huffletuff · 02/09/2017 22:26

Haha, so typical of Mumsnet. I don't need to chill, thanks. Perfectly chilled and more than happy with being able to glance at my phone now and again if someone is taking a trip and DS is at a club.

Soslowmo · 02/09/2017 22:27

Do you really think it's acceptable for your son to be making phone calls/ texts to you at midnight? The parents sensibly removed devices, so the children could settle to sleep and so they can keep them safe from accessing who knows what on the internet through the night. If you found out they'd been on inappropriate sites at 3am, I think you'd have had something to say then too?!

My dd is a teenager, but we still carefully monitor her phone usage. If we have dd's friends to stay, I do check with parents what their bedtime phone rules are, but also tell them we don't have devices in rooms at night.

Original poster
minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 22:28

so, it's more knowing he can send those texts, if that makes sense.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 02/09/2017 22:30

Our school Year 6 Residential.

All phones are banned and children and parents do not communicate. There is a telephone tree to say they've arrived, and that's it till they go home.

Obviously one or two try to smuggle them in, but they soon get caught and the phone is confiscated.

If parents aren't happy with that they are free not to send the child on the trip.

TormundsGingerBeard · 02/09/2017 22:30

"Maybe, but whatever the ratio I'd say it is clear that if you are the parent of a child going to a sleepover and overnight phone access (either having it or making sure they don't have it) is important you need to ask the hosts their rules before you decide if your child can go."

Bingo!

" important you need to ask the hosts their rules before you decide if your child can go." (bold text by me)

It's the OP's responsibility, not the host parents. This could have been avoided, or at least minimised, if the OP had checked house rules of the person she entrusted her child to.

Marmenteum · 02/09/2017 22:30

If your 7 year old is at a club why do you need to track him. Surely he's at the club??

Ketzele · 02/09/2017 22:30

Absolutely no phones in bedrooms in this house - especially during sleepovers. That was a rule instituted after and because of a horrendous sleepover when the girls went batshit and their smuggled-in devices were a major cause of that.

I do tell the parents. But I don't see why I should need to, any more than I explain other household rules in advance.

becotide · 02/09/2017 22:30

i'm not leaving a phone in a room full of preteens overnight. Why are all these kids using phones in the night? If the child has an issue, he/she should wake the hose parents. If for any reason the child doesn't feel comfortable with that, the child should not be at that sleepover.