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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be so annoyed my child's phone was taken off him at a sleepover?

557 replies

minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 18:12

DS stayed over with a friend last night. There were four there in total. He has a phone so he can text/call us if he needs to. Before going to bed, phones and tablets were removed from the visiting children.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? He finds it quite stressful staying over and he hated being unable to contact us.

OP posts:

giantpurplepeopleeater · 02/09/2017 21:36

I'm starting to wonder who it is who finds more need for the 'comfort' of having the phone on your DS at all times, you or him.

Either way, I should think this apparant reliance on needing a phone/ needing to know he can contact you via that phone immediately at his age is slightly worrying, no?

It would certainly suggest to me a level of anxiety that I'd want to address.

teenagetantrums · 02/09/2017 21:37

My kids,at his,age didn't have phones was,many years ago. You shouldn't let him go on sleepover if he is not confident letting adults there that he needs to go home/call his parents. Even when they did have phones l wouldn't have minded if the parents,took them off them. You must trust these people if you let your child sleep at there house?

misshelena · 02/09/2017 21:38

YABU The host dictates the rules of the sleepover. If your dc is not comfortable with that he should have spoken up before handing over his phone. The host then has the obligation to contact you or have your son contact you and then you and your son can decide to stay or leave.

In my house, my dds' phones always stay downstairs when they go to sleep, unless otherwise negotiated.

NannyR · 02/09/2017 21:38

If you're worried he might be a bit anxious, then I would quietly mention it to the parents. They could keep an extra eye on him, check he's ok at lights out, ask him if he wants to call home etc.

giantpurplepeopleeater · 02/09/2017 21:38

Agree fully with AfunaM

Bluelonerose · 02/09/2017 21:38

I've never stopped my kids having their phones over night. I tell them what time they need to be settling down and they all follow it.
If my kids went to a sleepover and their phones were took off them it would only bother me if no-one had told me beforehand. Just a quick text from my dc would be fine just so I would no not to worry if I didn't get a reply

BubbleAnimal · 02/09/2017 21:38

I agree giant. I wasn't sure how to word it. But I've seen the anxiety some children have about their phones. The sheer panic with low battery and lack of signal. If you can address that now, it can be really helpful.

babybarrister · 02/09/2017 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 21:45

Not exactly, it's hard to explain.

I honestly think he just likes knowing he CAN get hold of me. Like when you have your seatbelt on in the car.

I certainly don't really want to break his confidence by mentioning personal things to his friends' parents. Offering to use the home phone isn't helpful if he just wants to send a good night text at midnight.

OP posts:

misshelena · 02/09/2017 21:48

OP, I also agree with those who say that if your son is not comfortable speaking up for himself or even to ask to call you, then he is not ready for sleepovers.

I remember when dd1 was 12 or so and hosted a sleepover. One girl couldn't make it through the night. She told me and we had her mom come pick her up. But I have to tell you, dd1 and the other girls were none too understanding (despite my explanations) and that poor girl was excluded for subsequent events for the next several months. So my advice is if your son is not ready, don't force the issue because it may end up making him look bad in front of his buddies.

VinIsGroot · 02/09/2017 21:48

I don't get why a 10 year old needs a phone ? Who does he call ? When, why? My 10 year old plays in the close where I can see him and if stays at a friend's I'd know the parent well enough ...and so would he...to say ...I feel I need to speak to my parents !!!!!!

Original poster

minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 21:50

Well, you know phones are more than phones - camera, calculator, music and so on. But anyway like I say, he isn't likely to announce he needs to speak to his parents at midnight.

Most children I know of his age do have a phone so I'm surprised at how many are shocked at the mere idea of it.

OP posts:

KarateKitten · 02/09/2017 21:50

YABU. Part of a sleepover is staying in someone else's house under their rules.

NK493efc93X1277dd3d6d4 · 02/09/2017 21:51

I think it's perfectly normal to take phones away at bedtime.
In fact I did so during the day once, from an older boy who kept playing on it instead of socialising. Later his mum thanked me.
Personally I don't think a 9 year old should own a phone let alone sleep with one.

Original poster

minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 21:53

I'm not forcing it, misshelena, but your post largely explains exactly why he just wouldn't be comfortable asking to use the house phone!

OP posts:

Huffletuff · 02/09/2017 21:55

Some people need to get with the times. DS9 has had a phone since he was 7. He uses it to Whatsapp us and his grandparents if he is at one of his hobbies and he needs to contact us. He also has a GPS app that lets me see where he is at all times. He isn't allowed to play games or use the internet after a certain time, so it wouldn't have been an issue at a sleepover. What would have been an issue is if I'd sent him a message to see if he was OK and I didn't get a reply because someone who isn't a parent had removed his property.

DermotOLogical · 02/09/2017 21:56

It doesn't sound like he's ready to stay over tbh OP.

Do you see the problem with him having a phone? If he does, the others will want theirs and unsupervised access to the internet is scary.

DermotOLogical · 02/09/2017 21:58

Huffle it's all very well saying he "isn't allowed to use the Internet after a certain time" but what happens if he is in a group and they all egg each other on.

Devices with internet access should be supervised.

Original poster

minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 21:58

I think the phones somewhere open would have been best.

He is fine on sleepovers. But he does really like to know he can just send a quick message to us. That's it, really. I can understand that.

OP posts:

JigglyTuff · 02/09/2017 21:59

No 7 year old needs a phone. I knew where my 7 YO was 24/7. I know where my 10 YO is 24/7.

I don't need a GPS app to track him. How utterly bizarre

Huffletuff · 02/09/2017 22:03

OP has already said he didn't have credit or the WiFi code so could not have accessed the internet.

Why is it bizarre to have a tracking app? My entire family are on mine so we can all see where each other is. That's... why they make them.

Lucked · 02/09/2017 22:04

I think YABU but you have learnt a lesson. I would ask hosts in future what the house rules are and if they can be bent but do it away from your son and be prepared for a no.

Bibidy · 02/09/2017 22:05

Their house, their rules I'd say.

It's not like the kids were out camping with no adults, they're in a house with the host parents present, if there were any issues they could talk to them at any point.

Original poster

minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 22:05

I don't personally think having a phone is any more bizarre than anything else really, it is a phone, he is ten, children have them nowadays I suppose.

OP posts:

SoupyNorman · 02/09/2017 22:06

You track your entire family?

So much weirdness on this thread.

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