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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so annoyed my child's phone was taken off him at a sleepover?

557 replies

minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 18:12

DS stayed over with a friend last night. There were four there in total. He has a phone so he can text/call us if he needs to. Before going to bed, phones and tablets were removed from the visiting children.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? He finds it quite stressful staying over and he hated being unable to contact us.

OP posts:
AlexanderHamilton · 02/09/2017 20:40

Bye then.

Marmenteum · 02/09/2017 20:40

as if you are some sort of authority on it.

There you go again

DermotOLogical · 02/09/2017 20:43

Valued do you expect a rule book before you agree to a sleepover?!

You sound quite mad.

I can't imagine having to tell you all the family rules before your child is allowed to stay over.

Valued "what is your rule on meals?"
Parent "I provide them"
Valued "that's not good enough, my child must be spoon fed at exactly 4pm"

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 02/09/2017 20:43

I am amazed you are put out by this.

Phones, ipads, everything gets removed at bedtime when DS has friends to sleep over and it has never crossed my mind for a second that parents might have a problem with it.

Mind you, the parents of DS's friends are (a) sensible enough to know that their child won't die of not having a phone overnight, (b) sensible enough to know that I will call if there are any issues, (c) sensible enough to know that allowing children tech unsupervised overnight goes against all the advice of how to keep your children safe online Hmm

Lumbricina · 02/09/2017 20:47

One child having unsupervised access to a smart phone potentially gives all the other children unsupervised access to the internet. It's absolutely appropriate for phones and tablets to be taken away in these circumstances.

Kahlua4me · 02/09/2017 20:49

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross perfectly said!! I agree completely Grin

TormundsGingerBeard · 02/09/2017 20:54

Some overinvestment from some posters here Hmm Okay, maybe just the one ...

That sounds creepy fun

"You really think I will continue interacting with you after that insinuation? Pretty disgusting."

Get a fucking grip love, the poster was simply pointing out the only way to regulate phone use overnight is to physically be in the room (which would be creepy rather than fun). It was pointing out a fact, not directed specifically at you.

DragonsandDungeons · 02/09/2017 20:57

The way you lot fear the internet, while posting about it online, is funny

Whosthemummynow · 02/09/2017 21:00

🍿

AlexanderHamilton · 02/09/2017 21:00

The internet is really really great......
I've got a fast connection so I don't have to wait.....

BubbleAnimal · 02/09/2017 21:01

I post prolifically on the internet. I search a lot. However I am not 9. I am educated in how and why and what the internet is and can do. And I've seen first hand several times what happens to kids when something gets posted on Snapchat/Instagram/FB that shouldn't be. So I am sure to montior my child's internet activity. Which means he is not allowed access to his phone at the age of 11 unrestricted.

Somerville · 02/09/2017 21:01

This thread's gone batshit.

4691IrradiatedHaggis · 02/09/2017 21:09

Agog that anyone would complain at no smartphones overnight at a gathering of kids on a sleepover.
Are you all mad? It's common bloody sense!
It's not just a case of having a phone on them if they need to call, it's the fact that having unrestricted access to the internet as a group is seriously not a good idea.
I'm no expert, but I'd be 99.9 % sure that anyone competent in safeguarding would tell you the exact same thing, including the police.
As for the bullying argument - surely that's even more of a reason not to have one? Potential to get uploaded to Youtube or FB as part of a prank.
Kids have been known to do that before, even sensible ones could by being egged on by their mates.

SandyDenny · 02/09/2017 21:10

I have actually had nervous anxious homesick children staying in the days before phones

How old are you ? Grin

Surely we've had phones longer than sleepovers Grin

BubbleAnimal · 02/09/2017 21:12

SandyDenny 😂 I actually have students amazed I didn't have a phone in secondary school. They make me feel every one of my 35 years!!!

Marmenteum · 02/09/2017 21:17

I am 51! Yes I had a mobile phone when ds was small but he didn't and nor did his friends.

Starlight2345 · 02/09/2017 21:22

I had a sleepover for my ds(10th) birthday.. The only child with a phone was told to leave it downstairs. He asked why I explained .. end of .. if parent had approached me I would of told child it would be in my room and they could wake me if they needed to speak to a parent .. I don't want parents text from my house in the middle of the night without me knowing what is going on .

Original poster
minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 21:26

Gosh, so many responses.

I don't think of DS as "having anxiety", it just seems normal to me that a 10 yo would want to be able to contact his parents if needs be. It was in his bag, I guess I was just surprised as it just seemed normal to me that he might want to send a text or contact us.

As it was, when he has his phone and knows he CAN get in touch, he's fine, when he hasn't, he feels a bit stressed. Sleepovers can be a bit of a minefield I find.

OP posts:
Shadow1986 · 02/09/2017 21:28

I think the parent did the right thing to be honest. I'm sure if your son asked for it back to call you it would have been no problem at all.

Shadow1986 · 02/09/2017 21:29

I'm not looking forward to sleepovers at all!

Original poster
minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 21:29

The problem is that he wouldn't ask, which is why I gave him the phone - so he could quietly message me when needing to!

OP posts:
AlexanderHamilton · 02/09/2017 21:33

What I always do is put them downstairs on charge in a set place. So if a child could get it in an emergency. But no temptation to becsilly/up all night on it.

OddBoots · 02/09/2017 21:33

My children are older now but if they were going to a sleep over when younger I wouldn't have wanted phones without adult supervision and I wouldn't expect adults to be in the room supervising all night. It is important to me so I would ask not expect though.

It seems from this thread about 50/50 as to who would remove phones and who wouldn't so it does seem sensible to ask if it matters. The host rules go though - if you don't like it then don't send your child.

AfunaMbatata · 02/09/2017 21:34

If he isn't capable of asking the parents to phone you then he really shouldn't be on a sleep over yet. Moaning kids like that ruin it for others.

Original poster
minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 21:36

That sounds like a good compromise, Alexander

Afuna, he would never whinge, more likely to cry quietly half the night and then say thank you for a lovely time the next morning Sad

OP posts: