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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so annoyed my child's phone was taken off him at a sleepover?

557 replies

minnieproblems · 02/09/2017 18:12

DS stayed over with a friend last night. There were four there in total. He has a phone so he can text/call us if he needs to. Before going to bed, phones and tablets were removed from the visiting children.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? He finds it quite stressful staying over and he hated being unable to contact us.

OP posts:
lalalalyra · 02/09/2017 20:24

How are parents meant to make adjustments if the other parents don't tell them?

If your child needs his phone then I'd expect you to tell me that when we are making plans, just like I expect the mum whose child needs to go to the toilet late on to prevent bed wetting or the one who needs a light on somewhere but is embarrassed to tell his friends.

Maryhadalittlelamb12 · 02/09/2017 20:24

Your child is anxious and needs a phone at night

Your responsibility to tell the hosts and give them the opportunity to tell you the house rules.

You can then decide , with your child, if he can go to the sleepover or not.

You whinging about this afterwards when you made no move to take responsibility for your child's mental health issues, is reprehensible of you, in my opinion. Very poor parenting

OlennasWimple · 02/09/2017 20:25

Surely either a DC has a condition which is serious enough that parents need to be aware, whether that's a food allergy, asthma, epilepsy, anxiety or something else; OR the parents don't need to be aware but therefore don't need to make adjustments to their normal rules and routines Confused

I'm perplexed at the idea that someone could send their DC on a sleepover knowing that they needed some support beyond the usual expectations but not feel able to tell the hosting parents about it

ArcheryAnnie · 02/09/2017 20:25

Archery this obsession with the NSPCC is weird, is it your go to for parenting advice?

If they advise something in their public campaigns which helps to safeguard children, then I take it seriously, yes. Why would I not?

BarbarianMum · 02/09/2017 20:26

So how do you provide proper supervision overnight for a sleepover where each child has a smartphone with them Value? Stay in the room with them? Pop in at 10 min intervals throughout the night? That sounds creepy fun.

Valuedopinion · 02/09/2017 20:26

alexander my dc was the victim of bullying because he couldn't access one.

You should know as the parent of a dc with ASD that once you have met one child with ASD, you have met...one.

As I have repeatedly said on here, I couldn't care less what rules other people have, the op is perfectly reasonable to expect to be told about this one.

Despite mumsnet thinking that they have a collective agreement on what goes on in every house, not all are the same.

Valuedopinion · 02/09/2017 20:27

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Marmenteum · 02/09/2017 20:28

I don't believe valued has that many friends to send her dcs to if she thinks that the pare ts she knows are 'judgemental gossips'

OlennasWimple · 02/09/2017 20:28

doesn't sound like much supervision goes on in your circles if you are worried about porn bring access by nine year olds

What supervision would have been appropriate after the boys had gone to bed? An adult sitting in the bedroom with them until they had all gone to sleep? Or perhaps the responsible thing to do was to remove all the phones so that there was no risk of inappropriate activity with them whilst there was no adult supervision?

Valuedopinion · 02/09/2017 20:29

Very poor parenting

Classic

You shouldn't have to divulge anything, lots of dc don't need support other than the reassurance of a phone. It's not a common rule, more than one person has agreed.

You can keep piling on me, it doesn't change the fact that not everyone agrees.

Valuedopinion · 02/09/2017 20:30

Marmenteum absolutely none at all.

Of course, my dc have friends but I am not friends with their parents, or are you the type to control friendships with only the 'right' type of children?

AlexanderHamilton · 02/09/2017 20:32

That's your prerogative valued. Your child would not be sleeping over at my house. I just st objected to you saying that everyone objecting had Perfect known ds with no needs.

I personally believe phones at night unsupervised are irresponsible & ive seen way too many incidents.

Incidentally one of the incidents of cyber bullying involved texts only, no internet. Anonymous death threats & incitement to suicide sent to my daughter by a 9 year old & two 11 year olds.

TormundsGingerBeard · 02/09/2017 20:33

The assumption that everyone has the same rules as you.

A bit like the OP presumably assumed the host parents had the same rules as her?

If the phone/comforter is a deal breaker for sleepovers then the OP should have made that clear.

Marmenteum · 02/09/2017 20:33

No, but when one of my children suffered badly with anxiety I had two really close mum friends who helped both him and me to cope with sleepovers. They helped him more than a iPhone ever could. It's worth bearing in mind.

Valuedopinion · 02/09/2017 20:34

Yeah, except I didn't say that did I?

Pleas don't make things up and then claim to speak for the SN community.

Whilst your anecdote is sad, mine was equally, so it shows that there is no correct way doesn't it?

Just that the host shouldn't take phones away without permission because it apparently means that she is a 'better' parent.

ArcheryAnnie · 02/09/2017 20:35

As I have repeatedly said on here, I couldn't care less what rules other people have, the op is perfectly reasonable to expect to be told about this one.

And the host family would also be perfectly reasonable to expect that the OP raise something with them that they felt so strongly about. The host family aren't psychic.

Valuedopinion · 02/09/2017 20:36

Anyway, I am off out with my imaginary friends now. The op hasn't come back and I am not surprised tbh.

BarbarianMum · 02/09/2017 20:36

Still waiting for you to answer the question.

Marmenteum · 02/09/2017 20:36

It's you that has this obsession with 'smug' parents who somehow think they are better than you. Don't let your own issues cloud your judgement.

AlexanderHamilton · 02/09/2017 20:36

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Valuedopinion · 02/09/2017 20:38

That sounds creepy fun

You really think I will continue interacting with you after that insinuation?

Pretty disgusting.

Maryhadalittlelamb12 · 02/09/2017 20:38

lots of dc don't need support other than the reassurance of a phone

If this is true then I suggest that 'lots' 😂 of responsible parents will be checking out that what their child needs is going to be available to the child.

The OP didn't bother. Poor parenting.

Arrogance imo.

supermoon100 · 02/09/2017 20:39

I would be annoyed if a 9 year old kid turned up for a sleepover with a smartphone and no way would I allow them to keep it in the bedroom overnight. Perhaps its best to check with the host parents before packing your kid off to a sleepover with a smart phone.

Valuedopinion · 02/09/2017 20:39

You're off your trolley - speak for the sn community. What the heck are you on about.

Don't be silly, you made your announcemt as if you are some sort of authority on it.

You aren't, not all dc are the same which is exactly what I have been saying.

Really must go now.

BarbarianMum · 02/09/2017 20:40

Close circuit tv?