To not want to invite friend's DD over?

[PutTheKettleOn9989]

My friend has a DD who is starting school shortly. The DD pees herself most days. They've taken her to a doctor etc, and basically the issue appears to be that there is no deterrent for doing it (which is what I always expected). Much like my SS, if they are engrossed in what they are doing then they'd rather not have to get up and go to the loo. The parents don't really discipline the child, and I think she enjoys the attention she gets from doing it. She's only really happy when she's the centre of attention, so I think it's all related. All this is an aside really, just wanted to explain that I don't think the child has any serious underlying issues, just that it's behavioural (she's had tests for cystitis etc).

The last time the child visited, she wet herself (narrowly avoiding my sofa) and then, after running around with no knickers on, nearly pooed on the floor (her Mum only just noticed the 'poo dance' in time). I find it super stressful having her over, I'm always on edge wondering if she's going to pee on the sofa (this has happened at another friend's house) or if she'll pee the bed (sometimes they 'put her to bed' at mine so they can stay late).

AIBU? WWYD?

Mittens why should OP do all that? She's not a childminder.

Or did you mean for the mum do that?

I should RTFT!

I wouldn't want someone's kid pissing on my sofa either.

OP YANBU

@watchingitallagain have you read the OP?

The child doesn't have 'medical issues'.

She's got a lax mother and is getting off on the negative attention

I think there's two issue.
1- it's totally fine to not want the child, or anyone else, in your house. Pee stinks.
2- I don't agree that chastising the child will help anything. It will probably do more harm than good. The continence service where I live actively discourage this although it appears that people with no experience themselves believe following this advice is shitty parenting. They suggest you avoid pull ups too.

Just don't let the kid in your house. You can't be that good pals anyway or I'm sure you'd have more sympathy and less judgement for a mother who is no doubt at the end of her tether.

Sorry if that's short. I'm at the end of my tether and this post just shows me I'm not being paranoid. Incontinence is hell to live with.

If it was my child I would be mortified to let her run around and potentially poo and wee on someone's furniture in someone else's house. I would put her in pull-ups.

@missmollyhadadolly, that's exactly right, the mum is not here to tell, as far as we know. As far as the OP is concerned, I've been saying YANBU if you don't want the friend's DD in her house.

I was telling other posters that there's no excuse for allowing the child to wee or poo in the OP's house. It's not about blaming the child or diagnosing the problem, we're not professionals.

@watchingitallagain, I've lived through this. But I never allowed it to cause a problem in someone else's house. The DD is not incontinent, as she does the 'wee dance' so needs supervision to get to the toilet.

I don't get the not wearing knickers either.

But surely the answer is simple. The op doesn't want her stuff messed on. She knows the child has frequent toilet accidents. Then stop inviting the child over and meet them somewhere else! Why is this even an aibu? The situation is 100% in the ops control and easily solved.
No need for the amateur and outdated toilet training advice from the op. Me and my friends have all used different methods to toilet train and unless there is an underlying issue most kids don't want to be embarrassed and uncomfortable and will learn to use the toilet regardless of method. To those saying the parent is lazy it is far easier to take a child to the loo than to have to keep cleaning them up and wash clothes.
If the op keeps inviting the child round the parents are obviously going to think she is relaxed about the mess. I was never bothered about toilet accidents of my kids friends as by child 2 we had leather sofas, wooden floors, zip off mattress covers etc. If the op doesn't want the inevitable mess then stop inviting the toilet training child over. It really is that simple.

It may be for eg that the child doesn't like unfamiliar toilets. One of mine wa like that. So visiting at the friends house might be better for everyone.

That's definitely a possibility, my DD1 hated using toilets she wasn't familiar with, though it sounds like the accidents happen wherever she is, as she wets herself most days, according to the OP. (This may of course be an exaggeration as she obviously doesn't see the child every day, but it's quite clearly a regular thing.)