Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to kick my OH out?

144 replies

Myshitdontstink · 31/08/2017 17:55

Long story short he is in charge of DS when I travel for work...DS is ft at nursery but he has to drop our DS off and pick up, feed dinner, 7:30 bedtime...generally 1 night per week. Agreed condition is he drinks no alcohol as he doesn't know when to stop. Just got back after 2 nights away & he is asleep on the sofa DS is fine, I know he was awake 30mins before I got home but suspected he had been drinking then...there is an open beer can by his side, no further evidence but he hasn't even woken up and I've been back 1hr...what the fuck do I do? My DS welfare is obviously priority. Do I give him an ultimatum, kick him out? DS is 18 months old Angry

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 31/08/2017 17:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Myshitdontstink · 31/08/2017 17:57

I am home now with DS

OP posts:
AlternativeTentacle · 31/08/2017 17:57

Sit opposite him, wait til he wakes up, and tell him to leave?

When you had the 'agreed condition' did you mention that it was non-negotiable and a deal breaker?

also, if you split up, how are you going to monitor the drinking on access weekends?

not2impressed · 31/08/2017 17:58

Only you can decide. But if you genuinely feel he's unsafe I wouldn't leave them alone

Notreallyarsed · 31/08/2017 17:58

An open beer can lying about with an unsupervised 18 month old? The consequences of that could have been awful! Is he alcohol dependent? I can't see any other reason to be drinking/falling asleep when you have your child.

That would be a deal breaker for me tbh, but I may not be the best person to ask since DP and I don't drink (I can't hack the hangovers any more!).

What's your gut instinct?

LindyHemming · 31/08/2017 17:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mrskeats · 31/08/2017 17:59

Yes where was your son? What do you mean by 'he doesn't know when to stop' ?
Does he have a drinking problem?

Winosaurus · 31/08/2017 18:00

So he was drunk whilst supposed to be looking after your son?
I'd kick him out! In fact I kicked my ex out for doing the exact same thing when our son was 9 months old. I came home and he was so drunk on the sofa I was shaking him and couldn't wake him. Our son was asleep in his cot but I was still furious. If you trust anyone with your child's welfare (even if it is the other parent) and they don't take care of them properly then they would be out of our lives

WhoWants2Know · 31/08/2017 18:01

If DS was asleep in his cot, then it's not a problem. Roaming around the house, might be.

Original poster
Myshitdontstink · 31/08/2017 18:01

Yep agreed condition has always been a deal breaker...he is fully aware of that...he clearly has a problem if he can't not have a drink for 2 days and nights whilst in charge of his child...and drinking to the point of passing out?? Surely supervised access only if we break up and he sees DS as I can't trust him now

OP posts:
Winosaurus · 31/08/2017 18:02

Whowants of course it's still a problem!!! What if the child had woken up? Or got out of his cot? And dad is too drunk to be woken!!?

WorraLiberty · 31/08/2017 18:02

Where was your DS when his Dad fell asleep?

Winosaurus · 31/08/2017 18:02

Myshit absolutely supervised access only after this!

Cloudyapples · 31/08/2017 18:03

Where was ds when you got home?

Original poster
Myshitdontstink · 31/08/2017 18:03

DS was sat in lounge watching TV...OH passed out on sofa

OP posts:
Notreallyarsed · 31/08/2017 18:03

If he knew fine it was a deal breaker you have to follow through on that. He sounds like a dick. Are you ok?

DrHorribletookmycherry · 31/08/2017 18:04

Yes. Absolutely he's not a responsible adult he's a slave to booze. Noone who "doesn't know when to stop" should be around children. I know I'll get flamed for that. But having a reckless selfish drinker as a parent is no life.

Winosaurus · 31/08/2017 18:04

You shouldn't have even had to say it was a deal breakerAngry you do not get twatted drunk when you're in charge of a child!

Notreallyarsed · 31/08/2017 18:06

How many has he had?

Cloudyapples · 31/08/2017 18:07

So our ds could walk/crawl freely around the house while oh was asleep? He could have been in any kinds of danger! I think you already know what you need to do

Original poster
Myshitdontstink · 31/08/2017 18:11

NotReally Not sure...but surely he is drunk...still hasn't woken up...we have a GSD who barked the house down when I got home (was shut away from lounge) and that didn't even wake him.. that is more than a couple surely?!

OP posts:
RunRabbitRunRabbit · 31/08/2017 18:12

Do I give him an ultimatum, kick him out?

Agreed condition is he drinks no alcohol as he doesn't know when to stop

He has already had his ultimatum. He broke the rule. Kick him out. If you don't, any future conditions you try to set are just noises you make that he knows he can ignore because you don't follow through.

Notreallyarsed · 31/08/2017 18:12

I'd say so, I wondered if the empties were in the bin so if he tries to deny it you can show him the proof. Sorry if it sounded like I was questioning you, I meant it completely the opposite way. I'm really pissed off on your behalf!

Wallywobbles · 31/08/2017 18:12

I'd take your DS (and dog) and leave. When he wakes up he'll have quite a lot to think about. Leave a note in DSs bed saying pack up your stuff and leave.

GlitteryFluff · 31/08/2017 18:14

Will be interesting to find out how long he goes before waking up.

Swipe left for the next trending thread