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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to kick my OH out?

144 replies

Myshitdontstink · 31/08/2017 17:55

Long story short he is in charge of DS when I travel for work...DS is ft at nursery but he has to drop our DS off and pick up, feed dinner, 7:30 bedtime...generally 1 night per week. Agreed condition is he drinks no alcohol as he doesn't know when to stop. Just got back after 2 nights away & he is asleep on the sofa DS is fine, I know he was awake 30mins before I got home but suspected he had been drinking then...there is an open beer can by his side, no further evidence but he hasn't even woken up and I've been back 1hr...what the fuck do I do? My DS welfare is obviously priority. Do I give him an ultimatum, kick him out? DS is 18 months old Angry

OP posts:
RunRabbitRunRabbit · 31/08/2017 18:15

If he's not drunk then you should be calling an ambulance because he's unconscious.

If none of that noise is waking him up then DS could have been distressed, injured, anything, and DH would have been useless. You might as well have left your 18 month old DS on his own for the evening.

PickAChew · 31/08/2017 18:17

So he's drunk and crashed out, in the daytime? You absolutely can't trust him to be alone with your ds, even for a few hours.

The temptation to wake him up by pouring the dregs out of his can over him would be too great.

Huffletuff · 31/08/2017 18:17

I'd take DS and leave right now.

splatattack · 31/08/2017 18:17

So DS was in the same room as your OH? Is he definitely drunk? Maybe just overtired? I would check the trash for evidence of more cans of beer etc so you can make your point clear to him? If he is drunk then he definitely has a problem and needs help and support? I wouldn't say LTB, if you love him then work with him to get him addiction support...I'm not sure if you are married but in sickness and in health? Addiction is an illness but people often forget that...we are very flexible when people with PND act dangerously with their kids but offer support rather than say leave them...?

Redglitter · 31/08/2017 18:20

Is there evidence that he's drunk more than one can? If he's only drunk one id be concerned there's something wrong rather than him merely sleeping. Is he sleeping or unconcious?? I'd try to waken him and if it's merely drink related àsk him to leave

sarebear1983 · 31/08/2017 18:21

That's not on at all. Not that it's needed but are there any other empty cans in the bins etc to back up your thinking that he's drunk more than half a can? Get as much information as you can of whats gone on in your absence before he wakes up. Then you can be fully prepared to give him an absolute bollocking/or whatever you see fit

expatinscotland · 31/08/2017 18:21

He can't go 2 nights without getting slaughtered when he's in charge of a toddler? Yeah, I'd kick him out.

RedDogsBeg · 31/08/2017 18:24

That's appallingly irresponsible, I'd kick him out without a second thought. He's prioritised drink over the welfare of your child and that won't change no matter how many deal breaker ultimatums you give him.

Applesandpears23 · 31/08/2017 18:25

Have my first ever LTB. Give him a shock, take your son and go.

lalalalyra · 31/08/2017 18:27

Is he definitely asleep? Can you hear him snoring? If not check he's actually asleep.

If he's asleep or out cold through drink to the point he's left your toddler unsupervised and didn't stir when the dog barked then I'd leave him. That's bloody dangerous.

MarmaladeIsMyJam · 31/08/2017 18:28

Jesus. I'd take your son somewhere now to give him the shock of his life when he wakes up.

Original poster
Myshitdontstink · 31/08/2017 18:34

I tried to wake him up...nothing then 5 mins later, gets up wanders to the toilet, looks at me blankly pees then goes upstairs to bed...WTF I am now fuming.
I can't leave, it's my house, he has to leave; the immediate consequences of that are I cannot fulfil my working contract...I could get an overnight babysitter but not sure how I would manage financially; also I don't know how to enforce supervises access etc. I know it all sounds pathetic and really I would like him to get help, he is our sons dad but I don't think he will take me seriously unless I do something definitive...I really never saw our life turning out like this :-( :-(

OP posts:
pradathescammer · 31/08/2017 18:35

Take the child and leave.
He is a drunk and he doesn't deserve your DS when he so willingly and knowing puts him in so much danger.

timeisnotaline · 31/08/2017 18:36

Some responses seem extreme. My dh is over 2 and cannot climb out of his cot, I would see no risk at all in having an open container of alcohol on the floor after he went to bed. However if your husband has a drinking problem and you have a nondrinking rule then he has broken it and you do have a problem. Do you think he thought it different because you were back soon on this occasion as opposed to nights you are actually away? I'd check the bin as not even lightweight me much less a habitual drinker would pass out on one beer, it would probably take 10 at least for a male with a drinking habit?

Fairenuff · 31/08/2017 18:38

So your 18 month old was unsupervised for at least half an hour? With a can of beer within his reach?

Tupperwarelid · 31/08/2017 18:39

My father is an alcoholic (although not according to him). I used to dread being left alone with him, he would always drink as soon as my mum left the house and I hated the rows that followed once she got back and realised what he had been doing. For the sake of your child's future mental health (if not physical) please get rid of him.

Inertia · 31/08/2017 18:42

If it's your house and you're not married, kick him out. You don't need to leave, he does.

Once he's out, you should be entitled to single person rebates on council tax etc, and he's still obliged to pay maintenance for your child- this could go some way towards covering overnight child care costs.

UnicornSparkles1 · 31/08/2017 18:47

This is dreadful, I'm so sorry. I think your OH needs professional help for issues with alcohol and this should be a condition of his access with his son going forwards.

Original poster
Myshitdontstink · 31/08/2017 18:48

timeisnotaline Yes I do, I tho know thought I'd be home soon and therefore it's OK...just found an empty in the garden.. .going to check bin

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 31/08/2017 18:49

Make him leave and get an au pair.

grandOlejukeofYork · 31/08/2017 18:49

also I don't know how to enforce supervises access etc

You can't, I'm afraid. Courts rarely order it and even more rarely pay for it.

indigox · 31/08/2017 18:49

Well if its a deal breaker there's no question is there? If you don't kick him out he'll just continue to do it as he'll know you won't do anything about it.

mogulfield · 31/08/2017 18:50

That's incredibly dangerous to leave an 18 month old unsupervised! How many cans are in the rubbish?

Aquamarine1029 · 31/08/2017 18:53

I'm amazed you haven't killed him. I think I would have.

Winosaurus · 31/08/2017 18:55

Grandolejuke yes they do. Supervised access doesn't necessarily mean through a contact centre. My ex was only allowed supervised access for a while due to drinking issues and it meant either myself, my mum or his parents had to be present for visits. Overnight visits had to be conducted at his parents' house

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