To wonder why people are so judgemental about how others spend their money?

[Judgementalmuch]

I'm really confused right now. I can't for the life of me understand WHY people care so much about how anyone else decide to spend our money. I have examples.

I recently discovered a hateful forum that targets youtubers and bloggers. 2 of my favourite bloggers are religiously attacked for their spending habits. Honestly, they are called all sorts and mocked because they like to buy expensive bags/shoes/whatever. People wish them misery ("hope she loses her house" !) or accuse their spouses of "giving her an allowance".

Today , and the reason I am posting, I was out with a friend. She has a lovely designer bag and as we were walking to the car park, we could clearly hear a woman behind us (pushing a buggy) say "such a waste of money. Instead of wanting to show off a bag she could have made better use of that money" to which her friend giggled and replied "and she probably rents. So silly." "Or just doesn't have kids yet so she fritters it all". This (and lots of giggling) was all within earshot of us and I wanted to say something badly but my friend gave me 'the eye'. This really angered me as this is the only designer bag my friend has, its brand new and I fear this has taken some of the joy from her purchase.

I have previously had sly comments made about me too, which I confront.

I see this often, where people judge others (often those more comfortable financially) for their purchases. Why? Why would anyone care how a complete stranger spends their money??

So what if she buys a £300 candle. It's her money !
So what if she buys a £4,000 bag. It's her money !
So what if he buys a £20,000 watch? It's his money ! (But I rarely see my male friends/relatives judged. Their often celebrated for their "success")

So bloody what?

Also I love how they're able to spot that the bag is a designer one. Been looking at them on the internet much?

To be fair, most people who say they wouldn't recognise the ubiquitous Mulberry are lying, or trying to make a point.

Not that the bag was a Mulberry. I just mean because a lot of people are claiming they wouldn't recognise a designer bag generally.

I find it odd, mostly because the vast majority of judgement I see comes from people who spend plenty on their own stuff. They just have different opinions on what should be a priority. I try and ignore it mostly - no one wants to live on carrots and water and wear only hair shirts, we probably all waste money on something and it's just dumb to try and impose your preferences on other people.

How would you know how much a candle cost?
Trying to imagine that interesting conversation.
Bit like this?:
"My candle cost £400"
"Oh"

Pully they ask so they can judge and snigger. I can't believe that comment about paying you too much - so innapropriate !

Annabelle I guess it's like with a bag or car or anything. If you know you just know. Maybe you've seen it in the shops and admired it or was shocked by the price and iy just sticks

I know Annabelle. I seem to remember the conversation was around a photo head of dep put of said candle on FB. Someone commented on it in the office that it was pretty or whatever and she said where it was from and how much it was

I have a gardener and have a back massage every two weeks. I get the odd comment too even though it doesn't come to much cost.

I don't think it is jealousy per se. For some it is genuinely inexplicable, for others what you spend your money on says a a lot about who you are and what you prioritise. People will have an opinion. Often some buy these expensive bags etc in attempt to make a statement, about how wealthy they are, how fashionable, classy or whatever...to impress. Sometimes others won't agree with those statements.

This. I certainly wouldn't feel jealous of someone who had a £4000 handbag. Quite the contrary. And while I'm not judging what they spend their money on - it's their choice after all, it's definitely going to affect what I think of that person. I'd probably think they were shallow, or snobbish, or showoffy, and I might feel a bit of pity, in that they're obviously so vacuous that something like that could make them happy. I'd think their life, and probably their head, must be terribly empty to get pleasure from something so pointless. Which is just as much my right to do as it is theirs to spend their money on things like that in the first place.

"I have a gardener and have a back massage every two weeks."

Are these two things connected? Like Lady Chatterley?

I judge people with Michael Kors bags, they are such dull bags and such a ridiculous price that I can't help thinking the people who have them must be a bit dim/boring. I would never say that to them though.

I don't care how people spend their money and actually it is often more ethical to invest in things which last rather than fritter it away in Primark every week.

However there are great inequalities in society and often people react to injustice rather than through jealousy. A lot of people work very, very hard and can just afford to get by. Perhaps seeing bloggers and those on Instagram parading their expensive items makes them wonder why they bother. A lot of people just dont like materialism and consumerism as well.

I don't care how people spend their money and actually it is often more ethical to invest in things which last rather than fritter it away in Primark every week.

However there are great inequalities in society and often people react to injustice rather than through jealousy. A lot of people work very, very hard and can just afford to get by. Perhaps seeing bloggers and those on Instagram parading their expensive items makes them wonder why they bother. A lot of people just dont like materialism and consumerism as well.

OP these people were very rude and anti-social.

However, flaunting wealth is vulgar. As a society we used to know this and people generally had the decorum to keep obvious signifiers of wealth low-key. Nowadays it is all about the bling. The fact that two complete strangers engaged in an outrageously rude condemnation of your friend indicates that there was something about her presentation that was "off". Like wearing head to toe Primark while carrying a Hermes handbag. It just makes you look like an idiot who has spent what little money you have exceedingly unwisely.

Seeing Porsches, or other expensive new cars, parked up on the driveway of modest estate homes is the same thing. People making such obvious poor financial choices, for the sake of "appearing" wealthy, is just embarrassing. Judging such people is perfectly natural, but I reiterate - expressing it out loud is itself vulgar and exceedingly rude.

Isn't it strange that while it might be perfectly okay to judge someone, it's the complete opposite to say so?

Who cares what people spend their money on? We do seem pretty hung up on that in this country, lots of insecurity about money and what it says about us.

It's all relative anyway.

I certainly wouldn't feel jealous of someone who had a £4000 handbag. Quite the contrary. And while I'm not judging what they spend their money on - it's their choice after all, it's definitely going to affect what I think of that person. I'd probably think they were shallow, or snobbish, or showoffy, and I might feel a bit of pity, in that they're obviously so vacuous that something like that could make them happy. I'd think their life, and probably their head, must be terribly empty to get pleasure from something so pointless.

So is there a list of what it's acceptable to spend your disposable income on then? Before you become vacuous and empty headed and shallow? I feel this list should be publicised.

If you spend the money you earn on private education for your DCs, it is suddenly perfectly ok for everyone to criticise this choice.

Haters gonna hate. Be happy you don't live in their heads.

Yes to a list!

Is wine collecting Ok? How about art? What about spending your cash on rare stamps? Or horses? Or first edition books?

And if those are ok why? What's the difference?

If you spend the money you earn on private education for your DCs, it is suddenly perfectly ok for everyone to criticise this choice

Yes it is because it affects everyone.

My Mum is guilty of this and is extremely annoying. She said that she didn't see the point of us having a cat since we have to spend so much on cattery fees eveytime we went on holiday.

We go on holiday 2 or 3 times a year, normally a week at a time and choose to use a cattery since it's less hassle all round. I retorted that well, it beats asking her to come and look after our cat when we're away (never have - since they live 2+ hrs away). I felt that she was either having a go about us going on holiday too much for her liking (hypocritical since she's retired and goes on far more holidays than us) or she was implying that we were wasting too much money on a cat (and she's a cat lover!) I have never whinged about paying cattery fees either so I don't know where her bitchy comments came from!

I think the Vulcan philosophy of IDIC matters here. Infinite diversity in infinite combinations

In other words it takes all sorts to make up human life.

What matters to one person (frugality, environmentalism) won't matter to another (spending their money, investing in certain items)

As long as no one doing anything illegal then we should all just live and let be.

This post has been brought to you by the handbook of human cliches.

My auntie & uncle (late 60's/early70's) are moving nearer to their son, my cousin. They are upsizing rather than downsizing and there has been plenty of bitchy family comments about that - mainly questioning their need for a bigger more expensive rather than a smaller, cheaper house! I roll my eyes and think who cares?

Family definitely seem to have less boundaries than colleagues/friends in this area.

See what I mean!

Spend your money on handbags and holidays and no one lectures you on your role in the chain of labour exploitation, the environmental impacts of the flights etc.

But mention private school because you want your kids to have a great education?

As an individual I can't can't fix the education system. I choose to pay. Doesn't mean I don't care.

I don't know. It does seem obscene to me that some people spend £1000 on a bag while others are homeless. But I think rather than attacking people personally, it's more effective to argue/campaign for a more redistributive economy.

This. In spades.

Gosh, so you were walking across the car park and two women behind you spotted your friend's bag, immediately clocked it was a designer bag and not a fake (despite the fact they were behind you), and, in stage whispers, criticised her spending priorities?

How utterly dreadful.

It is none of anyone's business what someone chooses to spend their money on, within the bounds of legality and decency.

I do have a bit of an issue with some of the youtubers though, in that most of them are primarily playing to a young audience who would never be able to afford all the stuff they buy (or more likely are sent by brands) and make videos about. There is a risk of raising unrealistic expectations, fear of missing out, and a loss of perspective that actually most people can't afford yet another Chanel bag.