To wonder why people are so judgemental about how others spend their money?

[Judgementalmuch]

I'm really confused right now. I can't for the life of me understand WHY people care so much about how anyone else decide to spend our money. I have examples.

I recently discovered a hateful forum that targets youtubers and bloggers. 2 of my favourite bloggers are religiously attacked for their spending habits. Honestly, they are called all sorts and mocked because they like to buy expensive bags/shoes/whatever. People wish them misery ("hope she loses her house" !) or accuse their spouses of "giving her an allowance".

Today , and the reason I am posting, I was out with a friend. She has a lovely designer bag and as we were walking to the car park, we could clearly hear a woman behind us (pushing a buggy) say "such a waste of money. Instead of wanting to show off a bag she could have made better use of that money" to which her friend giggled and replied "and she probably rents. So silly." "Or just doesn't have kids yet so she fritters it all". This (and lots of giggling) was all within earshot of us and I wanted to say something badly but my friend gave me 'the eye'. This really angered me as this is the only designer bag my friend has, its brand new and I fear this has taken some of the joy from her purchase.

I have previously had sly comments made about me too, which I confront.

I see this often, where people judge others (often those more comfortable financially) for their purchases. Why? Why would anyone care how a complete stranger spends their money??

So what if she buys a £300 candle. It's her money !
So what if she buys a £4,000 bag. It's her money !
So what if he buys a £20,000 watch? It's his money ! (But I rarely see my male friends/relatives judged. Their often celebrated for their "success")

So bloody what?

I think what it really says boodles is that there is a point where one doesn't give a flying fuck because there is no need or desire to impress anyone.

Elephants, do you openly critique folk for choosing to take their kids on foreign holidays, what with the environmental impact? Do you lecture them on their impact on the local economy? On their privilege, their individual contribution to cultural homogeny? Etc.

Do you openly criticise and sneer at people who buy things, their role in the exploitative labour market, capitalist consumerism?

Or is it just private education that deserves your pointy finger because you choose to do something different?

I guess you are too superior to have moved to a good catchment area, and are mindful not to buy your DCs more books than others can afford, I imagine you never chat to them about your expectations and experience, and all the other things you might be doing which would give them a (oh the horror) advantage.

I've been in America a long time, and recently joined a British ex-pat group, the members of which are pretty well off, but there's definitely a different dynamic at play. Lots of what local Americans deem essentiala cleaner multiple times a week, expensive winter coats, kale salads (!)is deemed frivolous and vain by the Brits.

Elephants, do you openly critique folk for choosing to take their kids on foreign holidays, what with the environmental impact? Do you lecture them on their impact on the local economy? On their privilege, their individual contribution to cultural homogeny? Etc.

Well no, but that's not what I'm doing here either, is it . I'm expressing my opinion on a public forum. I don't go up to people irl who privately educate their DC and tell them I don't think it's ethical. If they ask me why I don't send my own DC there then I tell them why though.

Of course my DC are inherently more privileged, because they have parents who are university educated. I didn't choose that. I can however choose not to contribute to widen the gap between rich and poor by privately educating them.

Horsing wealth and property is not remotely noble and useful that society.

And lack of self care isn't the mark of self esteem.

I Didn't chose to widen the gap between rich and poor by independently educating my children. I did so because I wanted them to have the best education available and that wasn't at a London Comp faint to offer three separate sciences or a classical language. Neither was it at a Surrey grammar where the emphasis is skewed towards science.

Children are different and the gap won't barrow until state educators address that fact.

Furthermore we chose not to state educate or avail ourselves of that state service. That therefore meant there was more resource to go round for those within the state system. Effectively we have paid twice as there is no tax rebate for those who chose the alternative.

Your argument in my opinion is flawed.

It's not jealousy, I just don't understand it personally - I feel sorry for people that are complete slaves to consumerism.

I've been working for 2 years, shop at charity shops and don't go out for dinner much - I've saved 11k and have been on amazing holidays and want to do a RTW trip. Memories from travelling or other experiences are for life. A designer bag will end up gathering dust at the back of your wardrobe.

Also, the people who buy that sort of stuff are generally in debt up to their eyeballs and paying off several credit cards.

I know a woman who says her bags are fake when asked... ...If it was for showing off purposes, why would she say this? It's for her.

Have ever heard of how the exception proves the rule.

I've yet to meet someone who has enough money to send their child privately, yet sends them to a failing comp.

The stereotype of old-money types driving old cars is losing ground, IME.

I'd love to see everything that is produced, anywhere, forced into a zero-footprint so I can truly not care about what people spend their money on. I don't care too much to begin with because I'm not so quick to restrain myself if I'm being honest. I do love Chanel bags.

I can barely read the thread through all the sneery virtue signalling.

Priceless MN at it's best.

toptop true enough.

My DC attended a Well known public school and there were very few old bangers around. Certainly no socks with holes.

People have money and they spend it. Why not?

My DC attended a Well known public school and there were very few old bangers around. Certainly no socks with holes.

I think I recall from a previous thread that my oldest attends the same. I'm also hearing some pretty impressive accounts of his classmates' spending prowess. He gets £30/week which I thought was way too much (lost that battle with spendy husband) and my son reports this is nothing short of austerity.

We were lucky in that neither kid ran with a spendy crowd.

Clothes from Topshop/ASOS, social life mostly parties, cinema, dinner. I'm always carful with cash to avoid the temptation of drugs.

But the fabric of these young peoples lives is expensive of course. And their parents spend on nice things.

Is it different to judge someone who spends £20million on a wedding like someone did yesterday?

Or the ostentatious wealth of the super rich ?

I find it hard not to. That clearly makes me a hypocrite as I don't judge people who spend £2k on a bag as I'm quite glad it goes into the economy.

Up to a certain level I don't judge spending but it's completely arbitrary. Everyone has an arbitrary figure don't they?

Unless you judge no one and just think that 20 million was fine on a wedding - loads of people are probably ok with that - good for them, they're nicer people than me.

Loads of people are nicer than me.

Memories from travelling or other experiences are for life. A designer bag will end up gathering dust at the back of your wardrobe.

For you maybe. But not for other people. For some people a beautiful and well crafted item has just as much meaning. For them, maybe they find it ridiculous that you spend all that money to swan around the world, showing off the massive (comparative) wealth you have accumulated in much poorer communities, and then come back with nothing to show for it.

And neither of you could be wrong. Just different.

I've just recalled that the parent handbook warned against excessive spending money.

I'm always carful with cash to avoid the temptation of drugs

Too right.

I have an aunt who questions everything everyone has and constantly asks how people can afford certain stuff!! I think it's quite rude

I think that often people just struggle to understand because it's not where they are. I can kind of understand because I've been where I didn't have lots of spare money and didn't really appreciate expensive bags and clothes and struggled to understand why would anybody waste money on them when you can get it all for a lot less. As getting older I've realised that actually it can feel good to have more expensive, better quality things if you can afford it. When before I would have judged somebody who's not rich choosing to spend their money on more expensive things than necessary now I'm bit more comfortable I can understand that everyone's free to choose how to spend their money. I would never have openly said anything to people I don't know though.
It's just everyone is seeing things from their point of view and it can be difficult to see that it's different for other people.

DaintySong - I think you're onto something there. I remember a while ago a friend of mine commenting on how she found people who took the Gatwick Express completely weird and bizarre and had far more money than sense, because why would you spend £20 or £30 (or however much it is) on a train fare to the airport when you could just get the tube and sit there and you'd get there in the end for £6 and it was shameful that people had money to burn that way.

I got all sheepish, because DH and I always got the express out to the airport because why on earth wouldn't you throw an extra £15 at saving all that time. I think she was horrified by my spendthrift ways. The same friend used to also tut at my buying Tropicana orange juice which she thought was a terrible waste.

Ultimately, it's all relative and we're all somewhere on a random spectrum.

If I had £10 to spend, I'd probably buy a meal deal from Tesco with wine to share with DH.

If my DS had £10, he would spend it on his computer game on virtual purchases.

If DD had £10, she'd go to Claire's and buy lots of hair accessories.

None of us would spend it the same way, but we'd all be equally happy with our purchases, and feel exactly the same way.

Commenting on a stranger is weird. The handbag could have been a gift!

I don't judge, but I do have opinions. Which I keep to myself. For example my friend and her DH both have cars on finance. It costs them a fortune, and they say money is tight. For me, I wouldn't do that. We've got a fab car which only cost £1400 and has done just 60,000 miles.

But I'd never say anything. It's their money.

Sometimes it's just people thinking about what they would spend it on if they had the same money. But you'll never know the circumstances. Gift/savings/winnings/cheer up treat...

I know a couple who only ever buy anything second-hand, obviously excluding food. They judge all new purchases as a complete waste of money.

I do think that spending more than £100 on a bag or a pair of shoes is a waste of money. If I had loads of money, I would still feel the same. However, there are things I spend money on that other people would probably see as very extravagant.

Everyone judges everyone, all the time. I wouldn't be insulted if someone judged my spending habits.

You'd sit on the tube for an awfully long time hoping to get to Gatwick airport

Also, the people who buy that sort of stuff are generally in debt up to their eyeballs and paying off several credit cards.

Guffaw at this bullshit.

Just thinking about my grandparents...I remember my mum's parents being aghast that we once drove 15 miles to go to a restaurant, when we could have eaten at home or at a push gone to a closer restaurant.
My dad's mum, who was quite well-off but lived in a country with a lot of street cats, was astounded that we once spent over £100 on our cat having his teeth out.

OhTheRoses - But you'd not be wasting money and that's the important thing!