To wonder why people are so judgemental about how others spend their money?

[Judgementalmuch]

I'm really confused right now. I can't for the life of me understand WHY people care so much about how anyone else decide to spend our money. I have examples.

I recently discovered a hateful forum that targets youtubers and bloggers. 2 of my favourite bloggers are religiously attacked for their spending habits. Honestly, they are called all sorts and mocked because they like to buy expensive bags/shoes/whatever. People wish them misery ("hope she loses her house" !) or accuse their spouses of "giving her an allowance".

Today , and the reason I am posting, I was out with a friend. She has a lovely designer bag and as we were walking to the car park, we could clearly hear a woman behind us (pushing a buggy) say "such a waste of money. Instead of wanting to show off a bag she could have made better use of that money" to which her friend giggled and replied "and she probably rents. So silly." "Or just doesn't have kids yet so she fritters it all". This (and lots of giggling) was all within earshot of us and I wanted to say something badly but my friend gave me 'the eye'. This really angered me as this is the only designer bag my friend has, its brand new and I fear this has taken some of the joy from her purchase.

I have previously had sly comments made about me too, which I confront.

I see this often, where people judge others (often those more comfortable financially) for their purchases. Why? Why would anyone care how a complete stranger spends their money??

So what if she buys a £300 candle. It's her money !
So what if she buys a £4,000 bag. It's her money !
So what if he buys a £20,000 watch? It's his money ! (But I rarely see my male friends/relatives judged. Their often celebrated for their "success")

So bloody what?

Well You would winnie. The tube doesn't go to Gatwick so You'd miss your flight.

Oh, yes. Sorry Roses. I realised after the first comment that I'd got my airports muddled up. I was trying to be funny. I'm not very good at that.

I couldn't care less what people spend money on assuming they don't e.g. Plead poverty while spending on designer brands etc.

What I am often bemused about however is That people actually fall for the notion that buying an expensive handbag is because of the crafting of it, and that £1000 for a handbag is all based on the quality of it when actually they are paying for the brand. I judge the companies for that though, some of the prices they charge for handbags is obscene, and I happen to know for instance that one of the best known handbag brands puts at least a 60% mark-up on all their products.

And the reason they get away with charging those kinds of prices is because people are prepared to pay them.

Same with e.g. Jewellery.

People that complain they can't afford to drive, buy a house etc. all the while spending money on tat and entertainment, expecting others to give them lifts everywhere or their parents to sub them money. I don't judge, just assume they're low in intelligence and haven't or perhaps will never make the connection.

Absolutely don't agree with the jewellery comment. My engagement ring has tripled in value in 27 years. The other thing is that I bought a Burberry circa 1984 for about £160 classic trench, I wore it constantly for about ten years and a friend tells me I could probably flog it on eBay for about £250.

Cost per wear is an important factor. A pair of loafers for £150 which are worn twice a week for 4 years are better value than a pair for £35 that look battered in about 8 weeks.

The bit I don't get are cars. But I'm v glad there are so many on contract. Looking forward to buying one at two/three years old when I need a new car.

Of course my DC are inherently more privileged, because they have parents who are university educated. I didn't choose that. I can however choose not to contribute to widen the gap between rich and poor by privately educating them.

So if your DC does well someday, and as a reward they get plenty of money, what would you have them done? You want them to give away their money so they don't widen the gap between the rich and the poor? As a PP said, your logic is flawed. I believe in sending your kids to the best school you can find to give them the best chance in the future. That best chance might lead them to be a useful member of society. They might not necessarily end up in politics or as CEOs as you put it, I'll be proud if they can do good things that impact many people. And to get there, you need the best education.

"Also, the people who buy that sort of stuff are generally in debt up to their eyeballs and paying off several credit cards."

What a strange assumption. All of the 'extravagant' things I own have been bought with cash that would otherwise just be sitting in the bank. It doesn't mean I don't travel either. I love to travel. The cash spent on bags and the like is genuinely spare cash after everything else.

And designer bags can be a good investment so not a wate of money either www.google.co.uk/amp/www.independent.co.uk/life-style/fashion/hermes-birkin-bag-better-investment-stocks-gold-why-explained-a7651936.html%3famp

In some cases, it's people judging because they really can't understand those who choose to use their money differently to them, and sometimes take it quite personally. In a similar way that some parents can't understand why their DCs make different choices, and take it as a personal slight, instead of seeing it's simply a matter of new advice, circumstances, etc.

OhTheRoses while your engagement ring may have tripled in new value over the past years, it absolutely won't gain you that in second hand value. Jewellery becomes practically worthless as soon as you leave the shop with it even e.g. Antique diamond solitaire rings I've seen sell for around £6/700 for a 1 CT solitaire which would fetch around £10k in a shop.

I had around £5k worth of jewellery valued to sell after I got divorced and it was given a combined value (by more than one establishment) of around £700. My £1200 diamond tennis bracelet for instance was given scrap value only on resale.

So while jewellery has some sentimental value it absolutely has no resale value at all.

It's not jello lost

I recently took my 25 year old Chanel bag to be repaired at the Brompton cross store - they told me as it's now vintage it has doubled in price.

Most fashion brands have a 60% margin minimum. This pays for tax, offices, stores, staff, credit card fees, transport from supplier to warehouse/warehouse to customer, packaging, and of course marketing costs. I don't know why people get so horrified by this. There needs to be some profit.

YANBU... I personally wouldn't spend that kind of money on designer gear but I have my own vices too! Mine are usually house related or holidays but it's my money and I will do with it as I wish just like your friend etc

Jealousy pure and simple.

I'm a bit guilty of it myself and have been known to sneer at a girl blowing her entire bonus on a handbag. Upon deeper reflection it occurred to me that actually I was jealous she got a bonus and I didn't. That was many years ago and since then I have been on the opposite side and it hurts.

A few years ago I was in a position to buy the sports car I had lusted after for years. I saved up enough to buy an old (but decent, low mileage) one. It had 4 seats and a boot so could still function as a family car.

Oh my word, the comments I got! "That's an interesting car choice for a mum", "what a waste of money", "now you are a mum you need to remember it's not all about what you want", "someone's doing ok for themselves then!" Etc.

When I had to get rid of it after a redundancy and buy a little run around instead... everyone seemed to delight in it!

When I had to get rid of it after a redundancy and buy a little run around instead... everyone seemed to delight in it!

What a bunch of cunts.

Ladyflumpalot I ain't jealous in the least. I got Nuff money to buy that stuff, but i just dont get excited about designer shoes handbags, make-up, nails, etc - all that kinda stuff women go on about. I just think it's boring and dull

Jealousy pure and simple

I disagree. I would never say anything outwardly but I see lots of purchases which I would consider a massive waste of money.

I just can't fathom why you would save up to spend £000's on a bag for instance. It's just a bag....you could have a holiday or 20 amazing days out or 100 other things for the price of that little fold of leather you want to ponce about with.

I just don't 'get' it personally. But that's definitely not from a jealousy point of view as I couldn't be less interested in bags if I tried so I have no secret yearning for a designer one!

@supermoon100 - so what do you spend your money on then? I don't get excited about handbags or makeup. I do like a good pair of shoes or a car though. I am aware that to others shoes are something to stop your feet from getting cold and cars are to get you from A to B. Hence why I try not to judge if someone buys a £3k handbag.

Obvious caveat. I will hoik my judgey pants into next Tuesday if someone buys a £3k handbag whilst their children go hungry.

@FlandersRocks - ok, not as simplistic as my original post, I'll grant you. However I think people who are outwardly mean as in the OP's example are mostly jealous. Those of us who don't "get" handbags don't tend to be mean out loud. We just shrug and say "I don't get it- but ok".

Handbags in particular seem to grind people's gears.

I'll hold my hands up, I have about 20 designer bags. I bought one yesterday, in fact, as a reward to myself for attaining a significant promotion that I've worked four years for.

My money, my choice. If someone made a comment in the street, I'd tell them where to get off.

Sad little life to begrudge others their happiness, whatever form it takes.

I would judge someone who bought a designer handbag then could not afford to or complain about not being able to afford to feed their dc/pay their rent/take their dc to an activity/be contributing to a pension.

I wouldn't judge someone who chose to spend their money on extravagant purchases if they don't subsequently complain about their financial situation. I would probably think £1000 for a handbag! in context of I wouldn't spend that, but not judging them for doing it.

Amber I would love to see your collection and congratulations on your promotion ! What bag did you treat yourself to may I ask?

Yes, bags do seem to rile people up.

Ladyflump I'm sorry you had such people in your life ! That ,to me, does scream jealousy. I don't know why it's assumed mothers can't treat themselves.

I got a LV Neverfull. Will be my everyday work bag, I think.

Agree it depends on circumstances and others knowing nothing about you and having no idea what you sacrifice to be able to afford a nice handbag. I love designer bags and save up for them but I do my own nails, never get spa treatments, don't have a gym membership, food shop at Lidl and Aldi and don't go to the theatre for instance. It all adds up. I've also rented designer bags from sites like www.borrowfrombagsy.com to save me buying more bags and don't see what's wrong with that. I don't wear designer things to look like I have lots of money. I wear them because I think they are beautiful things and admire the workmanship and quality. I say ignore the naysayers who laugh behind your back. People who are truly happy are never bitter or snide and are always happy for others.

The thing that gets me is that it seems perfectly fine to call people vulgar or gauche because they wear designer labels, yet the pitchforks would be out if someone said that people who wear Primark look cheap or common (NOT my opinion, for the record).

Even if someone did want to carry a bag as a display of wealth, isn't that entirely their prerogative and precisely none of our business?