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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder why people are so judgemental about how others spend their money?

278 replies

Judgementalmuch · 31/08/2017 14:50

I'm really confused right now. I can't for the life of me understand WHY people care so much about how anyone else decide to spend our money. I have examples.

I recently discovered a hateful forum that targets youtubers and bloggers. 2 of my favourite bloggers are religiously attacked for their spending habits. Honestly, they are called all sorts and mocked because they like to buy expensive bags/shoes/whatever. People wish them misery ("hope she loses her house" !) or accuse their spouses of "giving her an allowance".

Today , and the reason I am posting, I was out with a friend. She has a lovely designer bag and as we were walking to the car park, we could clearly hear a woman behind us (pushing a buggy) say "such a waste of money. Instead of wanting to show off a bag she could have made better use of that money" to which her friend giggled and replied "and she probably rents. So silly." "Or just doesn't have kids yet so she fritters it all". This (and lots of giggling) was all within earshot of us and I wanted to say something badly but my friend gave me 'the eye'. This really angered me as this is the only designer bag my friend has, its brand new and I fear this has taken some of the joy from her purchase.

I have previously had sly comments made about me too, which I confront.

I see this often, where people judge others (often those more comfortable financially) for their purchases. Why? Why would anyone care how a complete stranger spends their money??

So what if she buys a £300 candle. It's her money !
So what if she buys a £4,000 bag. It's her money !
So what if he buys a £20,000 watch? It's his money ! (But I rarely see my male friends/relatives judged. Their often celebrated for their "success")

So bloody what?

OP posts:
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 31/08/2017 18:57

I have been known to be privately judgemental in certain circs.

E.g. when someone I knew was spending £50 a week on bingo, and went on more than one foreign holiday every year - Disneyland Florida and one other - fair enough - but would then complain that she couldn't afford to go to the dentist.

I never said anything, but I certainly felt like it.

BarbarianMum · 31/08/2017 19:03

Anyone who spends £300 on a candle has too little imagination.

AnnabelleLecter · 31/08/2017 19:23

I prefer the led candles £3 from b and m. Less chance of accidentally burning the house down plus no breathing in nasty chemicals.

fertilitykate · 31/08/2017 19:29

Good grief - each to their own!
Life is way too short to worry about what anyone else gets up to! Live , love and enjoy your own life. If that means designer bags - brilliant! If it means lovely holidays - great. Comparison is the thief of joy and all that !

NameChanger22 · 31/08/2017 19:35

I massively judged the Queen when she announced "more austerity" a few years ago, sitting there in her golden throne, covered in millions of pounds worth of jewels. Obscene.

fertilitykate · 31/08/2017 19:38

And still working at 90 plus. Whereas I expect you'll be retired by 70 at the latest? Don't bitch about the queen. Terribly bad form.

Eolian · 31/08/2017 19:56

There are plenty of expensive things I would consider horrible or a waste of money. Yes I'm sure people are mildly envious of people who have a big disposable income, but whether they like the things those people spend it on surely has nothing to do with jealousy, otherwise they'd hate all expensive things. Actually commenting on it out loud is utterly unacceptable and offensive though!

JennyLane · 31/08/2017 19:57

Am I the elusive minority that wouldn't know a designer handbag if it hit me in the face?

Sometimes I notice people who've had manicures and I think it must be nice to be able to afford a manicure... I'm planning to treat myself when the youngest is potty trained. I'm thirty this year and I've never had one 😳

Eolian · 31/08/2017 20:00

Me neither, Jenny (about the designer handbags).

Gooseberrytart4 · 31/08/2017 20:04

I think it's fine to carefully choose a nice handbag or whatever. What rules me is a tiny weeny percentage of the population holding most of the worlds serious wealth. People living in poverty or homeless

pigeondujour · 31/08/2017 20:16

Don't bitch about the queen. Terribly bad form.

Hahahaha. What the fuck

Garlicansapphire · 31/08/2017 20:21

Agree its no one's business how anyone spends their own money. I am quite extravagant on occasion - re eating out and holidays (not designer stuff, I dont really get that) but everything I own I earned on my own so I'm proud of myself and think I've got my priorities right.

I really dont think I know anyone who bothers with such crap. But I'm not surprised really, its not such a big deal, people will always bitch and gossip about something.

Original poster
Judgementalmuch · 31/08/2017 20:29

I usually roll my eyes and move on. No idea why today riled me up - just that my friend had finally treated herself and someone came to taint that joy. Oh well.

Eggs It was a Chanel classic flap.

Jenny go ahead and get your manicure !

OP posts:
supermoon100 · 31/08/2017 21:17

I'm not short of money but I must admit I do judge people who are into what I see as ostentatious displays of wealth. I think in such an unequal society it's not great to flaunt wealth.

eggsbenedict89 · 31/08/2017 21:32

@Judgementalmuch GOALS Grin

hellejuice91 · 31/08/2017 21:55

YANBU I totally agree with you. My Husband and I like going out for dinner that is just our thing. We got out atleast once a week. We get a lot of comments about that. I also have a lot of clothes and I'm given a lot of grief for it. The thing is though, he doesn't drink at all, we don't go on big holidays the car is 10 years old and our only debt is our mortgage. Different people have different priorities and do different things with their money it is not for someone else to comment on.

Openup41 · 31/08/2017 21:57

Interesting post.

People can and do spend how they wish.

I do roll my eyes at people who feel the need to tell you they shop at high end stores, how many designer handbags they own, their children only wear such and such brands.

I know a few women who dress impeccably but never ever give any inckling as to where they shop/how much they spend. No flashiness or bragging. To me this is classy.

formerbabe · 31/08/2017 22:32

I do judge people who waste money they can't afford to present a certain image.

My favourite saying...

"Don't go broke trying to look rich"

user997799779977 · 31/08/2017 23:00

I know a lady who criticizes her colleagues for shopping at Debenhams, M&S, yet she uses a Michael Kors bag herself Grin. I am so turned off by MK stuff now, I think they are used mostly by people who cannot afford the real deal but want to look designer.

MizK · 31/08/2017 23:13

I have a few designer things amongst the high street stuff I own...DP likes to buy them for me...he likes seeing me use them all the time, especially the bags. Now if anybody was totting up our income and what they think we should spend it on...i wouldn't give a fuck. I was brought up not to count other peoples money so I don't have time for those that do.

However, I don't understand offence being taken on behalf of other women who choose to post on YouTube...if you seek feedback and attention it's silly to expect it all to be positive! Like celebrities who get all het up over trolls...post a selfie and expect only fawning and praise... then whinge about haters...uuuggghhhh! (Sorry if off topic, just bugs the shit oit of me!)

Lilyhatesjaz · 31/08/2017 23:15

I wouldn't recognise a designer handbag either just not interested in brands but if that's what other people like good for them.

Dustbunny1900 · 31/08/2017 23:43

Are manicures especially expensive over there?? Hmm they're 20 bucks over here, maybe 35 for acrylic or gel.

ReggaetonLente · 01/09/2017 00:31

I notice this at work. I'm young, no kids, bought our first flat, no debt, managing to save each month. But every time I get an ASOS delivery, or come in with a new set of nails, or mention I'm going out for dinner that weekend - 'ooh get you! Must be made of money! What a waste! Don't you feel awful frittering it all like that all like that!'

Yet when my male colleagues spend £50 on wine, play gold or but expensive watches... They should be proud of their success, why shouldn't they treat themselves, they've worked hard for it.

It's very odd.

Arealhumanbeing · 01/09/2017 01:11

They're jealous. Also I love how they're able to spot that the bag is a designer one. Been looking at them on the internet much?

The nasty comments and giggling is plain thick. They are thick. Ignore them and enjoy your nice things.

Puppymouse · 01/09/2017 09:55

I got snarked at by my head of department and a senior manager in our team for having £80 shoes. They're both high earners and one of them has a candle that cost £400 from Liberty Shock

Same senior manager also told me re my £300 reduced to £100 Reiss coat "I was going to say if you paid £300 for it we're paying you too much."

The thing that bugs me is they asked how much they cost. Why???

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