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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why people are so judgemental about how others spend their money?

278 replies

Judgementalmuch · 31/08/2017 14:50

I'm really confused right now. I can't for the life of me understand WHY people care so much about how anyone else decide to spend our money. I have examples.

I recently discovered a hateful forum that targets youtubers and bloggers. 2 of my favourite bloggers are religiously attacked for their spending habits. Honestly, they are called all sorts and mocked because they like to buy expensive bags/shoes/whatever. People wish them misery ("hope she loses her house" !) or accuse their spouses of "giving her an allowance".

Today , and the reason I am posting, I was out with a friend. She has a lovely designer bag and as we were walking to the car park, we could clearly hear a woman behind us (pushing a buggy) say "such a waste of money. Instead of wanting to show off a bag she could have made better use of that money" to which her friend giggled and replied "and she probably rents. So silly." "Or just doesn't have kids yet so she fritters it all". This (and lots of giggling) was all within earshot of us and I wanted to say something badly but my friend gave me 'the eye'. This really angered me as this is the only designer bag my friend has, its brand new and I fear this has taken some of the joy from her purchase.

I have previously had sly comments made about me too, which I confront.

I see this often, where people judge others (often those more comfortable financially) for their purchases. Why? Why would anyone care how a complete stranger spends their money??

So what if she buys a £300 candle. It's her money !
So what if she buys a £4,000 bag. It's her money !
So what if he buys a £20,000 watch? It's his money ! (But I rarely see my male friends/relatives judged. Their often celebrated for their "success")

So bloody what?

OP posts:
Getout21 · 31/08/2017 15:19

Judge Wish mine bloody would!

Kursk · 31/08/2017 15:20

It seems that a lot of people in England hate rich people and anything associated with money (nice things) in their jealous view everyone should be equally poor.

Crinkle77 · 31/08/2017 15:21

To be honest I don't see the point in buying expensive shoes, handbags, jewellery etc... but that's just me. Those people who made comments were just rude. I might think it but I certainly wouldn't say it out loud.

daisychain01 · 31/08/2017 15:21

I recently discovered a hateful forum that targets youtubers and bloggers. 2 of my favourite bloggers are religiously attacked for their spending habits

Diddums.

I have zero sympathy for people who take the decision to share their spending habits on social media. What do they expect? Of course they will be judged, in fact they post the details just to create a reaction ffs!

Crinkle77 · 31/08/2017 15:21

Oh and by the way I think people are entitled to spend their money on what they want.

BroomHandledMouser · 31/08/2017 15:22

I genuinely think it's awesome that people can afford to have lovely holidays and beautiful houses.

A guy I know through work won £4m on a scratch card 18 months ago, and I love hearing about what adventures he's been on and what he's up to.

Equally my friend inherited an awful lot of money and pretty much spent it on nothing but I was happy it made her happy iyswim.

Life's too short to be bitter and shitty about things you don't have. Part of the fun in my mind is the chase of trying to make a few nice extras to treat the children or ourselves. I think I'm actually Del Boy 😂

Original poster
Judgementalmuch · 31/08/2017 15:23

And some will be good people with genuine concerns about the effects of consumerism on society and the difference between the haves and have nots.
Hmm can't be that 'good' if they will make such rude comments to people they don't know. And the forum I mentioned is disgusting. Yh attacks become 'personal' (can they be personal when you don't know the person?).

But whatever the reason it really doesn't matter what they think because they don't get a say in how someone else spends their money.. This !!

Foniks I agree about being judged either way. But whyy? Why do you care if someone treats themselves to pizza ? Why do you care if they treat themselves to steak? If it's not your money, you shouldn't care so much as to comment ?! Not you personally of course.

OP posts:
Sillysausages007 · 31/08/2017 15:23

I'm afraid I wouldn't recognise a "designer" handbag if it came up and bit me! I'm the same with clothes too - but have come to the conclusion that often the more expensive the clothes, the odder they look (to me).

I do have one "designer" bag, bought by my DH for a very specific reason, which I love. I've not had any negative comments about it, but equally wouldn't dream of commenting on someone else's purchases or choices. How rude to do so.

WhooooAmI24601 · 31/08/2017 15:23

Total jealousy. The most pointless of all emotions. It serves no purpose but to make you feel like shit about things.

Viviennemary · 31/08/2017 15:24

What one person thinks is a waste somebody else won't and vice versa. I'm quite judgemental about what people spend money on especially if they're always whining about being broke. I judge royals like Andrew when he has his freebie jaunts on the taxpayer.

ExConstance · 31/08/2017 15:24

If you have a nice bag which cost a fair bit of money it will be a real pleasure to have and to use, and will have been made and designed by craftsmen. If you can afford it and it makes you happy why not?

Someone who might buy a bag like that might not see the logic on spending money on takeaways and alcohol, and might overall be more frugal - not that it matters one jot tittle or iota. For me I take pleasure in having clothes made of natural fabrics and good quality merino or cashmere, often quite cheap second hand on ebay, sometimes ridiculously expensive new. So What.

Getout21 · 31/08/2017 15:25

I also judge those who win the lotto & declare they are going stay in the same job. Travel the world in style god damn it!

MrsJayy · 31/08/2017 15:27

£300 for a candle WHAT i dont give a hoot what people spend their money on but £100s for a candle is lunancy Grin

daisychain01 · 31/08/2017 15:27

I'm afraid I wouldn't recognise a "designer" handbag if it came up and bit me!

Me neither, sillysausage it's completely off my radar Grin

Who gives a flying 4-X about all that 'stuff' and how much it costs.

Off out into the garden for a bit of sunshine - now that's priceless!

Original poster
Judgementalmuch · 31/08/2017 15:28

Rhubarb I wish I could be shocked. "Obviously earns too much money"?? I'm afraid I would have had to say something at this. I would love for people who say such comments to explain their reasoning because I have nothing.

valuedopinion I was planning on reading that thread but maybe I'll leave it for another day. Enjoy your car !

hellokitty that's disgusting. Too much investment in other people's wallets.

OP posts:
Ifonlylifewasimple · 31/08/2017 15:29

I think the answer is obvious.....

Either they can't afford to buy the items themselves so are jealous. Now step back and consider how it must feel to work really hard but earn minimum wage and know you'll never be able to afford a designer handbag, luxury holiday etc etc. Life for you is about managing to pay your bills every month and just about getting by. There are many many people in life whom for this it's a reality.

Or they find really expensive/designer bags, clothes, watches etc a vulgar waste of money and a display of wealth.

Or they've had to listen to someone bleat on about money being tight (that kind of thing) only for them to then show off their new whatever that cost x amount.

itshappening · 31/08/2017 15:29

Bloggers are a separate case really because their spending habits aren't entirely their own business. For example there can be deception about how many things they promote or mention are undeclared sponsorship or gifts. Also, they can sometimes build their brand on being relatable and looking for bargains, while spending in a way that alienates readers who were drawn to that. There are limits to what people should expect from a blogger, but it is not quite like a random person.

daisychain01 · 31/08/2017 15:30

Ahhh Airmiles Andy, the doyen of thriftiness.

misshelena · 31/08/2017 15:31

I have zero sympathy for people who take the decision to share their spending habits on social media.

In general, yes, none of my business how people spend their money. Unless it's like the above. Then those people are just asking for it. Here's a recent example:
www.nytimes.com/2017/08/22/us/politics/mnuchin-louise-linton-treasury-instagram.html?mcubz=1

Jaxhog · 31/08/2017 15:31

It seems that a lot of people in England hate rich people and anything associated with money (nice things) in their jealous view everyone should be equally poor.

Unless the rich people are 'celebrities' to be fawned over.

I really don't care how other people spend their money. I don't expect them to care how I spend mine either. And if we do want to judge, please do it in silence.

Mamabear4180 · 31/08/2017 15:32

Probably because people live in poverty and can't understand what it's like on the other side. We all have different views on what's wasteful. But being rude and judging so openly is wrong regardless. I don't know, I suppose if you've always struggled you might end up a bit bitter. I can see both sides but no excuse for rude comments.

PhilODox · 31/08/2017 15:32

Try spending your money on education. Then you'll see judgey!

SDaddy007 · 31/08/2017 15:33

Are £300 candles a real thing?

What are they made out of, unicorn ear wax?

Getout21 · 31/08/2017 15:34

Also just realised I completely judge DH for spending money on technology stuff - now that is a waste of money Grin

Notso · 31/08/2017 15:35

How could they tell how much it cost? Confused
I rarely notice brands on strangers bags but whenever I have I always assume it's fake.