To wonder why people are so judgemental about how others spend their money?

[Judgementalmuch]

I'm really confused right now. I can't for the life of me understand WHY people care so much about how anyone else decide to spend our money. I have examples.

I recently discovered a hateful forum that targets youtubers and bloggers. 2 of my favourite bloggers are religiously attacked for their spending habits. Honestly, they are called all sorts and mocked because they like to buy expensive bags/shoes/whatever. People wish them misery ("hope she loses her house" !) or accuse their spouses of "giving her an allowance".

Today , and the reason I am posting, I was out with a friend. She has a lovely designer bag and as we were walking to the car park, we could clearly hear a woman behind us (pushing a buggy) say "such a waste of money. Instead of wanting to show off a bag she could have made better use of that money" to which her friend giggled and replied "and she probably rents. So silly." "Or just doesn't have kids yet so she fritters it all". This (and lots of giggling) was all within earshot of us and I wanted to say something badly but my friend gave me 'the eye'. This really angered me as this is the only designer bag my friend has, its brand new and I fear this has taken some of the joy from her purchase.

I have previously had sly comments made about me too, which I confront.

I see this often, where people judge others (often those more comfortable financially) for their purchases. Why? Why would anyone care how a complete stranger spends their money??

So what if she buys a £300 candle. It's her money !
So what if she buys a £4,000 bag. It's her money !
So what if he buys a £20,000 watch? It's his money ! (But I rarely see my male friends/relatives judged. Their often celebrated for their "success")

So bloody what?

I love watching posh pawn on ch4 a woman took her vintage chanel bag she hawked it for 3k i about fell off my seat I can't remember what she needed the money for but she had a bag display closet in her house that sort of thing is beyond my comprehension so I think this is why people are astounded at people spending £300 on a bloody candle

I am having another new car this September! People have commented but your car is only 2 years old! However, I have no mortgage and no debt so why not? I am trading in the other one , not keeping it. If I couldn't afford the payments then I wouldn't have a new car. I don't drink much and don't smoke so I have the spare cash!

Laiste good on your aunt ! If she need s travelling partner I'm here

Lenina That was so rude ! Did you say anything?

Sweetbabboo That's what I don't understand ! They've made a hobby out of hating someone.

Unexpected Agree completely with your post. Must admit I am jealous of the empires some have created - Zoella anyone??

sometimes elevated prices just because the customers wanted to pay more, makes them feel exclusive. I need to have a word with those customers ASAP

Kate you get my frustration. Why care?

MrsJay Chanel is a good investment 😉

Don't watch vlogs I'm afraid, well not until Lisa Vanderpump or Kate Moss starts one.

Hannah Agreed, that would drive me mad too.

Vonklump Yes, I appreciate we like different things but the people who go out of their way to say/type spiteful things because of someone's purchase are most likely jealous I think. If you truly didn't care, you wouldn't say something surely?

Ikeadyounot Wow

MrsJayy Yes certain brands (Chanel and Hermes mostly) have classic bags that will retain some of their value. Some will even sell for more then they purchased if they are highly desired bags and hard to find.

tinytemper what car are you getting? Congrats !

I couldn't tell whether a handbag is designer or not , anyway.
But that's because I think spending £10 I a lot of money. I'm not a skinflint,...my parents were always very wary of unnecessarily spending money ,and making do, and it has rubbed off.
My daughter has taught me that sometimes spending a bit extra for something niice that will last a while is better than getting whatever is cheapest.
However my current bag was £12 from Primark. ( My DH practically had to insist I get it!!!) I'm nearly 53, so not ancient!

Everyone spends their money on stuff they enjoy that others consider frivolous. My friend judges other women for spending 25 on a lipstick but buys hundreds of dollars worth of obscenely ugly leggings and tent shirts.
I choose to spend my "play" money on good food and antiques I love. Others spend it on electronics but look down in others for buying clothing.

The only time I'll get annoyed is if I see people buying luxury bullshit but constantly asking for help paying rent or other necessities.

I think judging out loud as in the OPs post and judging silently in your head is very different.

I sometimes see people who look like they are wearing their wealth i.e. lots of real jewellery with expensive watch, very smart clothes and wonder if I would dress like them if I had loads of money. Do you just run out of things you need as you have got it all already? I wouldn't know a designer bag from a normal bag but I like a leather one and I'd like it to look nice.

Judgemental another mini. I usually buy minis that have been demos but to was a better deal to buy brand new so I have. Has go faster stripes too! Lol

at christmas i go overboard on my daughter, i dont buy her gifts throughout the year if i see something in sale i lift it then end up giving something small every now and then or at parents nights etc and i spoil her at birthday and christmas, i want to be able to do it before she asks for iphones and laptops etc and while she still believes in santa! i get judged because i buy so much and im like well for your information i dont buy anything full price i buy all year round and last year i earned over £250 worth of amazon vouchers by doing surveys etc and using apps on my phone which i used all for christmas. i get this great pleasure of knowing i paid zero for something someone buys full price but at the end of the day its my decision to what i buy or get free lol (we always go through her old toys and if still in good condition advertise them for free or give them to someone in need), i dont buy me anything though i feel guilty buying myself something. maybe i should treat myself though? but my point is your friend could be a millionaire, she could have a brilliant job or could be like me and doing surveys etc its nothing to do with anyone how she spends her money, i still would have turned round and said something like oh that bag was a gift from her employer as a bonus or something like excuse me but when she sells her body and earns money she can treat herself to whatever she wants!!! all the time watching there face drop lol and walk away laughing (that was meant as a joke though incase anyone thinks im being cheeky its not meant like that) i just randomly say things to see the reaction of people and they are going to believe what they want anyway so why not amuse them lol

I'd begrudge paying £3 for a candle, never mind £300 but I can't get worked up about what other people choose to do with their money.

However, when their posts are along the lines of "woe is me, we're barely getting by on £50,000 a year and I can't give up the pony or my monthly haircut at an expensive salon or my designer handbag habit", it's like catch on to yourself, love.

Or the idea that they got it because they work hard and if you don't have the same amount of money, you clearly don't work as hard as them. Yeah okay, jog on

The moral of the story: spend your money on what you want, don't judge others for what they spend their money on and show some humility.

I don't really care what people have or don't have.

I couldn't give even a tiny fuck what strangers think of me or say about what I have or don't have and couldn't ever get so het up about it.

It really doesn't matter.

I feel a bit sorry for people who spend daft money on candles or "designer" bags. Empty lives.

What you actually mean is "I don't personally understand the appeal of a particular thing, so I will sneer at people who do".

I don't fully see the appeal of designer bags myself, but I certainly don't think people's lives are empty if they happen to appreciate them. I don't think it's any different from appreciating any other object, really.

I have a very expensive fountain pen which I absolutely adore and which brings me pleasure every time I write with it. I also have additional expensive special edition copies of my favourite books even though I already own them in paperback. Again, a complete extravagance, but one that brings me a lot of pleasure. A designer bag or a Jo Malone candle* is really no different to that and absolutely no indication of an 'empty life' at all. Get over yourself.

*I prefer Diptyque myself

Crabs in a bucket

i want to say that saying something you dont agree in a nasty way with isnt always said out of jealousy!! people are always going to have opinions and differing outlook.

your friend can do what she wants. £1,500 on a hermes or £800 on a mulberry isnt going to be a deposit for a house, is it? im pretty sure she hasn't wasted £50,000 on handbags like a kardashian which could amount to a house deposit!

hope your friend enjoys her purchase.

I'm afraid I wouldn't recognise a "designer" handbag if it came up and bit me!

I was just about to say this too, but then I remembered saying how nice a colleague's bag was when we were out at a works do and that was a designer bag, so perhaps I have an natural eye for them almost certainly not though.

But as to people spending their money how they wish - absolutely. I liked seeing my colleague take pleasure in her bag and I could see that it was nice. I don't know how much it was but am almost certain I couldn't afford it, but then I don't admire them as much as she does.

In the early 80s when I was not long married but before children, we were both working full time and I took on a weekly cleaner. The COMMENTS I got from others at work, snide so-called funny remarks, more money than sense comments etc (also from some family members - not my DM though who fully supported me and had a cleaner herself as she worked full-time too). There were so many remarks that I actually went home and cried and my now ex gave me some ammo to use against these people who spent far more money on alcohol, cigarettes, clothes, holidays, hairdressers, going out etc than I did on my poor cleaning lady. (Her name was Janice and I think she saved my life! )

After I had made a few of my retorts, a few months later I noticed that half a dozen of these women had hired cleaners of their own.

A decade later, post children and a new place of work, I was fielding the same comments from different colleagues, but this time I was ready with my rebuttals and within a year these women too had hired cleaners of their own. My main arguments were:

1. I am buying hours of my time which is worth more to me than £X per hour, and

2. If you don't look after yourself, no other bugger will.

I have a £150 pair of shoes, and a £450 pair of shoes, the first are 12 years old, the second are 4 years old. I had a pair of work shoes that cost £60 and I was botched at by the £15 shoe wearers who replaced their safety shoes every three months. Mine are still going a year and a half later, and are not even that worn looking

I know what I'm doing lol.

Weirdly I see mountains of cheap shit floating round the world in containers as the 'market for stupid'.. As that takes people money faster with lower gains.
My designer bag needs a stitch, and my Brady bag, used when I bought it, but about £300 new, is almost indestructible..

We love luxury holidays, nice clothes, jewelry and a well maintained nicely decorated home. We have a holiday home and decent cars. I food shop in M&S and Waitrose. Plus we have good pensions. People do say how can you afford this and that? Both on reasonable incomes and mostly had two incomes. I suppose we try to prioritise the stuff we want with the disposable funds (never on credit) and aim for it.
I've been poor, had to watch every penny, couldn't afford nothing nice. It's shit.

The only time I'd think anything negative about someone who had spent a lot of money is if they'd done so at the expense of providing for their kids. For example there's a mum at nursery who's wee boy is never dressed in clothes that fit, doesn't have a winter coat/raincoat, his clothes are far too small and he looks uncared for (SS are involved), yet she always has hair extensions, nails and eyebrows/lashes done and designer gear on. THAT I judge. However if she had all that and made sure her son was dressed in clothes that fit/were appropriate for the weather I wouldn't think anything of it.
I wouldn't spend a great deal on "things", but that's because I don't really get it and I'm crap at being trendy. If someone else wants to, why the hell not?

I was shunned a lot and ignored on FB by those jealous of me because we chose to spend our inheritance on a permanent leisure facility in our home. Obviously I can only assume this is the case due to what others have said and the sudden lack of communication after we installed it. Also because of where we live, one 'friend' assumes we are loaded with money. I only live down a lane with few houses, a factory and a dead end! But because those houses are different, built to different spec and time period and some being 'bespoke' they assume we are made of money. Nope, simply very, very lucky when it came to the houseig market at the time we bought.

One person did pass comment about how I wasn't financially helping a relative because of said leisure facility (implying that due to said facility I was made of money and should help relative more). That person knew very little about our financial circumstances and the extent of how we were helping said relative. That pissed me off so I cut all communications with that person. I cannot recall but I think they did apologise but quite frankly I cannot stand jealousy that mocks, criticises and is downright nasty. Apparently buying a house in our name and forking out for a second mortgage 'wasn't helping enough' regardless of the fact my relative didn't WANT more help from us and felt embarrassed and simply wanted 'what she had paid into the system all her working life'.

There's bad jealousy and good jealousy. E.g I was jealous of a colleague going to Disney as I had never been before and she has. Never nasty about it, said I was jealous and asked her about it on her returns. I was genuinely happy for her! My jealousy wasn't filled with hatred but simply a feeling of 'lucky xxxx. I wish I was going'!

but why do you care if I buy it for £700? How does it affect you? And why do you think it's your place to tell me how I should spend the money I earn?

The handbag you buy doesn't affect me in the least but the designer fashion industry you prop up by doing so does.

However, I have not told you what you can and can't spend your money on, merely pointed out that yes it does affect other people.

I am judgy about Scrooge types. Ones that have £1million stuffed away but have no heating on even when it's freezing, wear gloves in the house and other crazy shit.

I am judgy about Scrooge types. Ones that have £1million stuffed away but have no heating on even when it's freezing, wear gloves in the house and other crazy shit.

That's just as much their choice as spending £1k on a handbag is someone else's.

@AnnabelleLecter that's probably how they got to have £1 million in the bank.

Yes, I get this as well. Including from my and OH's family.

I have one particular relative who is full of opinions. She's very warm and lovely most of the time, but then suddenly she'll turn on a pin. "Oh, look at you in your fancy car. You must have had to hold your nose, driving it down our road."

Well, no I didn't actually, because there's nothing wrong with your road and besides we came to spend time with you. But whatevs. She says something like this every time we go round.

I think in this world of scripted reality and social media and image crafting everyone's more aware of stuff. It's rammed down our throats more than ever! And those programmes - don't get me started on the blatant titling of Keeping Up With the... - drive a subtle agenda of selling branded goods, which in turn makes people feel bad about themselves. All dressed up as entertainment. And because more people feel able to judge Kim Kardashian or Gaz from Geordie Shore or Sharon Osborne or whoever, more people feel able to judge others in the street as well.