To wonder why people are so judgemental about how others spend their money?

[Judgementalmuch]

I'm really confused right now. I can't for the life of me understand WHY people care so much about how anyone else decide to spend our money. I have examples.

I recently discovered a hateful forum that targets youtubers and bloggers. 2 of my favourite bloggers are religiously attacked for their spending habits. Honestly, they are called all sorts and mocked because they like to buy expensive bags/shoes/whatever. People wish them misery ("hope she loses her house" !) or accuse their spouses of "giving her an allowance".

Today , and the reason I am posting, I was out with a friend. She has a lovely designer bag and as we were walking to the car park, we could clearly hear a woman behind us (pushing a buggy) say "such a waste of money. Instead of wanting to show off a bag she could have made better use of that money" to which her friend giggled and replied "and she probably rents. So silly." "Or just doesn't have kids yet so she fritters it all". This (and lots of giggling) was all within earshot of us and I wanted to say something badly but my friend gave me 'the eye'. This really angered me as this is the only designer bag my friend has, its brand new and I fear this has taken some of the joy from her purchase.

I have previously had sly comments made about me too, which I confront.

I see this often, where people judge others (often those more comfortable financially) for their purchases. Why? Why would anyone care how a complete stranger spends their money??

So what if she buys a £300 candle. It's her money !
So what if she buys a £4,000 bag. It's her money !
So what if he buys a £20,000 watch? It's his money ! (But I rarely see my male friends/relatives judged. Their often celebrated for their "success")

So bloody what?

YABU. There are a lot of people out there who can barely afford to keep a roof over their head and food on the table, so it can be a bit galling in that situation to see someone more fortunate/lucky/whatever splash £100s on a handbag.
It really drives home just how unfair our society is. So the comments are less about the individual carrying the handbag, and more about the situation that led to two equal humans in such vastly different circumstances.

Empathy is required here. Not wailing 'Waaah the poor people JUDGED ME because I have things they don't.'
I mean come on now... It's just words.

Personally I would regard a grand spent on a bag/shoes/watch etc as money wasted - however, I would be quite prepared to spend £1,000 on a puppy - which I know other people wouldn't entertain the thought of.

We all have our little foibles and our own priorities. As long as people aren't behind with the rent, or their kids aren't sitting in the cold and dark because the electric has been cut off etc, then if they want to squander spend their cash on something not animal related they like, then that's up to them.

Karate That's a great way of putting it actually.

daisy actually they review items they purchase so that others can make informed choices before buying. I ,and many others, find some of them very useful. If people don't like expensive items, why watch luxury channels religiously to a point that you know and attack their family members on a forum?

crinkle agreed. I don't spend my money on certain things but don't care that others do. That's what makes life interesting !

Broom I wish more people were like this ! I love living vicariously through others. I can share it in their experiences.

Was it Gossip Bakery by any chance? God those women are such pathetic creatures. If I didn't like someone I'd avoid them in all forms, not watch every single vlog on YouTube and dissect on a bitchy forum.

I also judge those who win the lotto & declare they are going stay in the same job. Travel the world in style god damn it!

Damn right Getout - if you're not going to have a whale of a time, and treat everybody you love, what's the point in buying a ticket?

Try spending your money on education. Then you'll see judgey!

This! DH and his family are privately educated and the whole of his family have opinions on our DCs education. They can read and write and wipe their bottoms so they're educated by my standards. MIL says not.

It's up to people to decide for themselves how they spend their money but it's hard not to feel judgemental sometimes, if you know their circumstances and children are going without.

I feel a bit sorry for people who spend daft money on candles or "designer" bags. Empty lives.

Indeed Schaden what a bloody waste!

YANBU

I don't believe this people running behind on rent or not how can anyone know by seeing the bag in your hand.. n even if the ladies felt like this they could have whispered but they didn't try to hide their opinion.

I totally agree to you OP.
Though i don't know if men are not nudged its only ladies...i think both can be and are usually judged by others..

Some people are douchebags and very jealous!

Vivienne I agree it's annoying when someone constantly moans about being broke or borrows money from you and then buys luxuries all the time.

Mrsjayy That has cheered me up a bit. I don't actually know anyone with one but I've seen Jo Malone do their large ones at that cost. I imagine there's a demand for them somewhere.

Ifonlylifewassimple I do know how it is to be struggling. But that's not the next person's fault and I've never been rude or blamed them for that. Also it's fine to not like what someone likes, but do you have to be rude about it and make all sorts of assumptions about them?

Sdaddy They are real - have a look on Selfridges

Notso why would you assume it's fake? . And they probably know the designer.

Brazen it's not just words. It's hurtful words. It's strangers (sometimes friends and relatives) negatively judging your character because of how you spend your money. What if my friend had had fertility problems and that woman made such a comment? What would have those "words" done to her?

Sweet No, I don't know that forum. This is gurugossip and it sounds very similar. They literally stalk the people they despise so they can tear them apart in that forum. Most of them appear to be grown women -married, parents, homeowners etc. Baffling.

Dressed What a ridiculous comment. Empty life because I choose to buy a different bag to you? Pathetic.

Gamma perhaps, I've just never seen a man judged for it. But that doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

Agreed travis !

Judge - I'm not saying it's 'ok' to be rude or judgemental, I'm simply saying it makes people jealous and bitter.

I agree those kind of comments are distasteful, but don't let them bother you. I've been criticised for buying organic vegetables as the person said they're just the same as regular veg. Well I obviously don't think they are the same or I wouldn't bother buying organic. It's just my preference, I couldn't care a jot what kind of celery they buy, why do they care about mine? Maybe they think I am insulting their choices by choosing something different. I'm not.

I think the problem is that people assume you're looking down on what they have so are defensive. Sort of attacking before you have a chance to attack them.

I have a large engagement ring. When I first got engaged I had an acquaintance come up to me and ask to see my ring. When she saw it, rather than saying anything about my ring, like a normal generic "nice" or similar banal comment that is expected on engagements, she started talking at a hundred miles an hour about her own ring, that she had wanted a smaller ring, a smaller ring is more elegant, that was what she wanted, she asked her husband for a small stone, she wouldn't have wanted a large stone etc. I was absolutely bewildered. I hadn't even noticed her ring let alone made a judgement on it. All I saw when I looked at it was a lovely ring, a symbol of her marriage. But she made it into a competition!

There's lots of things I wouldn't spend loads of money on. Bags, cars, clothes, make up to name a few. It genuinely baffles me as to why anyone would but I don't comment. Each to their own. Not everyone can keep that feeling in I suppose. Or perhaps they are just jealous.

I personally think it's absolute lunacy to spend £700 on a mulberry when they look no different to one you could buy for £30.

I'm not remotely jealous or bitter. I could spend £700 on a mulberry if I wanted to.

Things like designer handbags are conspicuous consumption and I do think they are in bad taste. Yes, spend your money as you like, but it is quite gauche to buy things designed to show off how much money you have.

And btw yes I absolutely reserve the right to be judgy about private education. That kind of thing affects the whole of society.

I have previously had sly comments made about me too, which I confront.

Clearly you should confront on other people's behalf, like a superhero whose job is protecting those vulnerable, designer-led souls whose feelings might be hurt by a 'sly comment' taking the shine off their new designer bag. People could shine the Gucci symbol onto the sky every time they suspect their purchases are attracting disapproval.

When someone buys something worth £££ and feels the need to tell everyone, i judge them for being a braggy twat more than I judge them for what they spent it on. Although i will never get my head around £300 candles or £800 shoes. Once you get past a certain price you're normally paying for a name and not necessarily better quality in which case more money than sense springs to mind. But I've never been a brand person. I wouldn't know a designer bag or pair of shoes if I tripped over them, let alone how much they cost so wouldn't be able to pass comment unless someone went out of their way to tell me.

Empty life because I choose to buy a different bag to you? Pathetic.

Yes, it is pathetic to spend silly money on a bag. You're being conned by the industry but you can't see it. Very sad.

I know what you mean OP, and I think I know the site you're talking about (four letter acronym? don't want to advertise it) - I've inadvertently ended up on it a couple of times when looking up bloggers.

I always think the (mostly) ladies who post there must be deeply unhappy with their own lives, as there's no other reason to spend time doing that. Being mired in such negativity would wear me down. It's nasty bullying, as they all know the bloggers will see what they've posted. Makes me shudder.

For what it's worth I'd class myself as fairly frugal / minimalist, but if someone I don't know wants to spend £££ on a bag, it bothers me not one jot! Each to their own...

To be honest, you see this sort of thing on Mumsnet quite often. Any post which implies that the poster may be well off attracts a lot of jeering and scoffing.

It's the reason posts about skiing (other than under the skiing topic) have so many caveats along the lines of this is their only holiday, like, EVER and the entire family are all going to sleep in a cupboard under the stairs etc.

My DM likes to make a virtue of penny pinching. She's not hard up at all and hasn't worked since 1966.

I have a spinster aunt a little younger than my mum who worked hard all her life and now spends her hard earned and considerable stash (plus fab pension) traveling the world and decorating her house to a very high standard.

My mum does nothing but bloody eye-roll and bitch about ''how much aunt x has spent NOW''! Another holiday Another new coat It's so petty - i hate it. Spread the wealth!

I mean what harm is it doing to anyone at all!? What should the aunt be doing? Living life at the bare minimum getting bitter and twisted with the heating off while thousands and thousands of pounds are sat doing fuck all in the bank? like my mum does