To wonder why people are so judgemental about how others spend their money?

[Judgementalmuch]

I'm really confused right now. I can't for the life of me understand WHY people care so much about how anyone else decide to spend our money. I have examples.

I recently discovered a hateful forum that targets youtubers and bloggers. 2 of my favourite bloggers are religiously attacked for their spending habits. Honestly, they are called all sorts and mocked because they like to buy expensive bags/shoes/whatever. People wish them misery ("hope she loses her house" !) or accuse their spouses of "giving her an allowance".

Today , and the reason I am posting, I was out with a friend. She has a lovely designer bag and as we were walking to the car park, we could clearly hear a woman behind us (pushing a buggy) say "such a waste of money. Instead of wanting to show off a bag she could have made better use of that money" to which her friend giggled and replied "and she probably rents. So silly." "Or just doesn't have kids yet so she fritters it all". This (and lots of giggling) was all within earshot of us and I wanted to say something badly but my friend gave me 'the eye'. This really angered me as this is the only designer bag my friend has, its brand new and I fear this has taken some of the joy from her purchase.

I have previously had sly comments made about me too, which I confront.

I see this often, where people judge others (often those more comfortable financially) for their purchases. Why? Why would anyone care how a complete stranger spends their money??

So what if she buys a £300 candle. It's her money !
So what if she buys a £4,000 bag. It's her money !
So what if he buys a £20,000 watch? It's his money ! (But I rarely see my male friends/relatives judged. Their often celebrated for their "success")

So bloody what?

I don't have issue with people buying expensive things. I do have issue with people buying lots of unessessary pointless stuff for environmental reasons

Some people live in a vacuum. That can affect the way they view things.
If they are struggling,and everyone around them is it's hard to imagine having an expensive handbag not being a frivolity. Even harder to imagine having so much money that absolutely everything is paid(bills,house,car,kids,holidays etc)and that kind of cash is literally spare. So they'll probably see it as daft and frivolous.

You see it here as well,from the other side "hire a cleaner,dog walker,book a spa day,just get a babysitter" or even better in shitty neighbours threads "just move", "why haven't you moved already" like they are normal things accessible to everyone.

For me the average person, well off or not, treating themselves is no issue. But when it comes to the super rich, many of whom let's face it have done nothing fabulous to become that way, I do think it is sad to see people pay over the odds without noticing rather than giving more to charity or doing something useful with it. They are free to spend it how they like, and I am free to think that their choices reveal something about them.

I also do not agree that negative online comments about bloggers are necessarily bullying. Many of them are horrible bullying, but many of them are reasoned points about work that is in the public realm for public consumption. Bloggers love to suck up all the adoring praise but then shout haters the minute someone questions them. Some bloggers, that is. Many of these bloggers have fans who really do bully anyone who dares not to worship!

There are two types of people who judge others based on how they spend their money:

1. Those who are sick of being used
2. Those who are jealous.

Group 1 does everything right. They declare full income and pay taxes on time, they save and forgo luxuries so that they can take financial responsibility for themselves and pay for health insurance and private schooling, limit the number of children they have, wear clothing from Tesco etc. They look at people who take advantage of the state and the tax payer by using the NHS, sending their children to state schools, evading tax, claiming benefits etc. all while spending money on luxuries like holidays, eating out, designer clothing and having children one after another, not saving for retirement etc. And this makes them feel wronged and they judge.

Group 2 are very entitled people who feel like the world owes them. They see other people who are better off and have nice things and get pissed off because they can't afford these thing (despite the fact that they have done nothing to earn the money to buy this stuff). They get pissed off and they judge people who spend money on luxuries saying that it's not fair that they should be able to earn and spend prolifically (usually adding that they should pay more tax or give the money to charity etc).

Um no tt, I'm neither group 1 nor group 2.

Yes true that Rebel
I do understand fear of being poor again and why people hoard money.
I've escaped and would hate to go back there. But parsimony isn't my thing.

I drive an old car
I live in a 3 bed semi (mortgaged)
I have a child
I have a chanel handbag, bought second hand at a huge discount to retail.

If anyone had the blind cheek to judge me they'd get an earful, I have one or two nice things. We shop in Aldi, don't smoke, rarely drink. I'm not jealous of my friends who live in huge houses or have Range Rovers! It's very easy to look up and feel jealous and look down and feel superior. How about being happy with your lot? Health, family and peace are all things we have in common and are often forgotten. It's a shame everyone has to compare and rate everyone else!

They look at people who take advantage of the state and the tax payer by using the NHS

@Ttbb what if u declare income,pay taxes,limit the number of children but use the nhs and state schools? Are you a user,a giver,half and half?

@AnnabelleLecter it's not mine either. Can't be arsed with timing my pee,drying kitchen towels to reuse it and all that.

My comment was tongue in cheek anyways.

Agreed Dustbunny

Tinytemper Enjoy your car !

Thankyou Polly . I didn't have the energy to properly address that comment.

I am glad to see I'm not alone though. That was a well needed rant I think.

Yes Rebel wouldn't the majority be in that category.

Each to their own us what I believe. I have a few designer bags that my dh has bought for me and yes they are quite expensive. I do not feel that I have to justify them. It's my dh's money and he can do what he likes with it.
I don't drink alcohol or smoke , but I don't feel the need to criticise or sneer at those who choose to spend hundreds of pounds a month on booze and cigarettes .
I haven't got a posh , top of the range car, but I understand that some people love new cars and it brings them pleasure.
Frankly, it's none of my business what people choose to do with their money

plausible Your relative would make me nuts ! Those are her own insecurities shining through.

They see other people who are better off and have nice things and get pissed off because they can't afford these thing (despite the fact that they have done nothing to earn the money to buy this stuff).

Here we go. "If you can't afford nice things, you clearly haven't worked hard enough to get them".

I hate these kinds of comments. I'll admit that I think designer items are a waste of money, but I don't object to people buying them (obviously, as it's none of my beeswax!). I'm sure there are things I spend money on that others' think is a waste also.

I got very upset with DS' paternal Grandmother a few weeks ago. I asked if DS' cousins wanted to come to the panto with us at Christmas, but they were struggling for funds. I offered to get us a family ticket to take in one of her children, then book the rest of the tickets, and she can pay us back as and when she has it (I'd have paid the lot as a Christmas gift if I could have afforded it, but we took the money from our house deposit savings to be able to book for everyone). DS' GM when through me like a dose of salts for showing off and splashing the cash. I was really hurt, we don't have cash to splash if we wanted to. We afford trips places because I budget well, buy in sales and on offers, and cook cheaply to free up the money. I've come to the conclusion it's nothing to do with her, and I'm trying not to dwell on it, but people can be so hurtful!

Hmmm.. using the taxpayers money for NHS treatment and state schools isn't being financially responsible? Most people do pay into the tax system and are entitled to use it

You see it here as well,from the other side "hire a cleaner,dog walker,book a spa day,just get a babysitter" or even better in shitty neighbours threads "just move", "why haven't you moved already" like they are normal things accessible to everyone.

Yes those lines are trotted out a lot on here.

I've got designer bags, expensive watches and lots of jewellery.

I can afford them and they bring me pleasure but they are also investments. I choose what I buy carefully and treat them well. Some are worth more now than when I bought them whilst most have held their values quite well. I don't plan to sell them but if I needed to I could and probably wouldn't be worse off than if I'd left the cash in the bank instead of buying them.

Not frivolous or a waste of money at all.

I agree, OP. I was multitasking when I posted and explained my point badly.

I can't imagine spending that amount of money on a watch, that likely says something about my imagination. I'm sure my spending choices could be (and probably are) equally queried.

Whilst I don't think everyone who comments is jealous, the women you overheard sound like they were. But I don't think commenting on it whatever the reason you disagree is appropriate. I think it's rude.

Actually I think a little less politely of people commenting than just it's rude, but the baby is complaining at being ignored.

I probably wouldn't buy shoes and bags even if i had the funds btw,but that's because I'm not into bags or shoes so I can't relate. I'd prolly go places, buy lots of random shit and definitely a basket of kittens. 😬😬

The thing is nothing we drive or wear or attend are out of place compared to our friends. They are compared to my colleagues so I dumb it down because it's not acceptable to rub people's noses in it.

Nobody I consider a friend would comment. Having said that I don't do designer bags but each to their own.

It's odd that someone would think a person commenting has insecurities yet be so outraged by the comment.

If you're happy and secure in yourself, your life and your decisions and choices then why give more than half a second of reactive annoyance to it?

You've got a nice bag or whatever. Why care what anyone, let alone a complete stranger thinks or has to say?

I might secretly judge someone for their spending habits (especially if living beyond their means) but wouldn't say anything. On one hand it's their money and their business. On the other hand there's the question of excessive consumption and the environmental and social impacts of the sheer amount of raw materials we consume.

I suppose that unless you are an extreme altruist (like the ones described here) you are likely to be spending money on yourself that could some would argue could be put to better use. For example, I choose to go on holiday when I could donate the money to charity instead.

@Judgementalmuch what was the bag in question I'm really intrigued