To wonder why people are so judgemental about how others spend their money?

[Judgementalmuch]

I'm really confused right now. I can't for the life of me understand WHY people care so much about how anyone else decide to spend our money. I have examples.

I recently discovered a hateful forum that targets youtubers and bloggers. 2 of my favourite bloggers are religiously attacked for their spending habits. Honestly, they are called all sorts and mocked because they like to buy expensive bags/shoes/whatever. People wish them misery ("hope she loses her house" !) or accuse their spouses of "giving her an allowance".

Today , and the reason I am posting, I was out with a friend. She has a lovely designer bag and as we were walking to the car park, we could clearly hear a woman behind us (pushing a buggy) say "such a waste of money. Instead of wanting to show off a bag she could have made better use of that money" to which her friend giggled and replied "and she probably rents. So silly." "Or just doesn't have kids yet so she fritters it all". This (and lots of giggling) was all within earshot of us and I wanted to say something badly but my friend gave me 'the eye'. This really angered me as this is the only designer bag my friend has, its brand new and I fear this has taken some of the joy from her purchase.

I have previously had sly comments made about me too, which I confront.

I see this often, where people judge others (often those more comfortable financially) for their purchases. Why? Why would anyone care how a complete stranger spends their money??

So what if she buys a £300 candle. It's her money !
So what if she buys a £4,000 bag. It's her money !
So what if he buys a £20,000 watch? It's his money ! (But I rarely see my male friends/relatives judged. Their often celebrated for their "success")

So bloody what?

Years ago (the late 70s) I was in Barkers of Kensington and waiting in line to buy a pair of Pierre Cardin tights (came in a plastic tub, were a bit sparkly, cost about £1). There was an old couple behind me and I heard the grumpy old woman say that "those tights are wasted on her".

How fucking mean and petty!!

Pair or tights, designer handbag or fancy watch - honestly who gives a shit!

I think gurugossip was the predecessor to gossip bakery. There is some connection anyway! I ventured on once as one of the vloggers I follow mentioned them and bugger me! There's a true nest of vipers!
Some of them have been watching people they claim to despise for year! Who has the energy for that?

I honestly wouldn't recognise a designer bag if it smacked me round the head, let alone make snide comments about it.

My parents are not loaded by any stretch but have money my mums penny pinching harks back to when she was a single parent and had no money so will buy things in sales only and rolls her eyes at my sister when she buys a new bag or make up and sees things like weekends away as a waste of money

To be honest, you see this sort of thing on Mumsnet quite often. Any post which implies that the poster may be well off attracts a lot of jeering and scoffing.

Well it works the other way round too tbf.

Indeed. I don't care how others spend their money. Different things are important to different people - I wouldn't dream of spending £400 on a bag or shoes, but quite happily paid that for a kitchen mixer. Some people probably think I'm crazy - don't care. As long as you're not getting yourself into debt spend what you like.

Every time there is a post on Style and Beauty about a designer bag it gets daft."you can buy one in Primark" etc. It's v tiresome.

YANBU, the only reason I can think of Is that they are jealous.
I look at people with nice designer bags and clothes etc and think, I wish I could afford to have that and then say one day I will

YANBU

I'd love to be able to afford some high end luxury handbags. You get what you pay for a lot of the time in quality.

But regardless someone should be able to spend their money however they wish. I also thinks it's irrelevant how hard they have worked for it.

On another note I think a lot of people underestimate how hard youtubers and bloggers actually work for their status and money. It's not bloody easy and many have empires of their own now. Whether someone agrees with this being a recognised profession now days or not they should recognise the work it comes with

I do sometimes see wealthy people spending money thoughtlessly and in a way that will not benefit anyone who needs it, not even really themselves. I do think that is stupid and regrettable, and the money could have been used more fairly. I don't say it, but I think it.

I used to work for a high end retail firm and they actually sometimes elevated prices just because the customers wanted to pay more, makes them feel exclusive.

I don't think it's just jealousy that makes people comment. My dm grew up very poor and comments on things being a waste of money. I sometimes tut and say people can do what they like, but for her it genuinely comes from a place of being financially comfortable now but being very aware of how poverty feels and not wanting to go back there.

She also comments when we walk through allotments if veg isn't being used or apples are rotting on trees. Same mentality, she knows hunger and she can't stand seeing waste.

Spend money on designer bags if you like, it's rude of people to comment, but you can't deny it is frivolous. There is no intrinsic value to the bag so I'm not interested in paying just for a label. I wouldn't know a real bag from a fake and I'm fine with that!

i have to confess to being amazed at some of the massive cars that i am pretty sure are on financed by people who probably earn less than the new 'value' of the car (if that makes sense?) so people on 20k ish driving 25-30k cars. It makes no sense.
Bags? Meh. I have them (all bought for cash and paid for) but don't really use any longer day to day as my career as a sharp suited bizniss woman is over.
I have wardrobes full of designer shoes and gowns (again, don't wear them) and also expensive jewellery and watches- these are my things that I bought that I wanted and liked, I probably wouldn't do it now to be honest, as I don't wish to project that image.
I only judge those who are running up massive debts and going to pay day lenders to get round Asdas- we call them weekend millionaires/ weekend wags.

I think the jeering isn't jealousy sometimes it is to do with thinking buyers of designer handbags are shallow and frivilous .

I think it depends where you are and who you are with. If I go to a smart dinner/opera with DH I have some very nice outfits and a lovely coat that put together are about £1500. I have a gorgeous Jaeger cashmere coat and a few Reiss and Basler bits too.

I also have a job in the public sector for which I wear M&S and White Stuff, etc. If I go shopping in the West End I might wear good kit. If I'm in Kingston of course I don't.

Wigan the colleague in your post is very clearly jealous. I wouldn't think twice about that.

Gurgle but why do you care if I buy it for £700? How does it affect you? And why do you think it's your place to tell me how I should spend the money I earn?

Atenco When I buy my things (cheap and expensive) I buy then because I like the design, quality, history and how happy I am when I use them. I don't but then to show off. Why would anyone be so invested in my purchase as to make a comment.

Moghile Fancy making me a cape?

Purple Bragging is a different matter, I agree. But neither of my examples are bragging. The ladies must have recognised the bag my friend was carrying.

Dressed Bless

My SIL bought me a designer handbag for my birthday last year. It's hideous and totally not the sort of thing I would go for at all. My DM was all 'ooo look at that expensive bag' so I googled it.
£500+ second hand on eBay, RRP was over £1800!! For a bloody handbag!!!
I've never used it and doubt I ever will. I felt sick at the thought of how much I could have bought with the equivalent cash, that's about a month's food shopping for my and my 4DC.
I wanted to return it to my SIL but my DM said that would be rude.

It's like the sniffy, superior threads on here.

AIBU to not get why people like...
Prosecco
IKEA
Gin
Fruit flavoured cider
Pandora
Nando's
Scented candles
Silk flowers...

We don't all like the same things!! Why be catty about it? They're not spending your money on it so why do you care?!

I always think the (mostly) ladies who post there must be deeply unhappy with their own lives, as there's no other reason to spend time doing that. Being mired in such negativity would wear me down. It's nasty bullying, as they all know the bloggers will see what they've posted. Makes me shudder. 100% agree Namedy. No other explanation.

Yes Cru , I have seen it happen here. God forbid anyone not living in poverty needs help budgeting.

I'd never think it of someone I didn't know. I couldn't care less what people have tbh they're still people all the same whether they have designer things or not.

What grates me is people like my bil who fritter away their wages on weekends away and clothes and stuff for the car but then when it comes to paying his rent he's going round all family members wanting to "borrow" money to pay rent and petrol and things.

I don't think it's all jealousy, but the comments the OP overheard sounds like jealousy, because they were trying to reduce the other person "I bet she does X."

I can't imagine a world where I could ever justify £20000 on a watch, BUT commenting negatively like that on someone's choices is mean spirited and petty.

I take back saying that it's almost always jealousy, actually - I think a failure to see that other people have different priorities from you is a big part of it too. Leaving aside situations where the bailiffs are at the door, I think sometimes we forget that people just value different things (and at different times).

I guess the point of my comment was that my SIL thinks nothing of spending whatever amount on a bag whereas me, on the public sector frozen pay area of income, wouldn't (and couldn't) justify it with children to support.

Easier to live and let live.

My parents buy pretty much only branded food and household goods, rarely eat out and are gobsmacked on what me and DH will spend on a meal/night out. Whereas I buy most of my food/household stuff in Lidl, markets or £shops. But then my Mum will spend £££ on diamond rings and jewellery and I have cheap sterling silver stuff. Everyone sees the value in different things.

Tbf I do think the older generation were more frugal. There wasn't the option of credit/finance.

I don't know. It does seem obscene to me that some people spend £1000 on a bag while others are homeless. But I think rather than attacking people personally, it's more effective to argue/campaign for a more redistributive economy.

I wouldn't vocalise it out loud, but if I am completely honest, I probably would be a bit prejudiced against someone with a very expensive designer bag. I'd assume they were a bit shallow, stupid, and materialistic because that has been my general experience of women who own such things. But I am sure they would judge me as boring and odd too! Different strokes and all that.