Hotel restaurant and iPads etc

[mckenzie]

We are on holiday and staying in a hotel with breakfast included.
Settle nicely at a table this morning, in the shade, over lookimgbthe gardens, watching the birds on the ledge. A family then take the table next to us.

The older child (I'm guessing age 5) is given an iPad and starts playing a game with noice so we can hear ping and pong and clapping and other computer type noises.
The younger child (I'm guessing 18 months) has a phone propped up in front of her and is watching a video of some sort so we can hear high pitched animated voices and weird music.

AIBU to expect the family to think of others and provide said children with headphones?

Definitely NBU!! Even in our home the kids either use headphones or put any iPad games on silent, the noise and music is beyond irritating.

We generally don't allow tech at the table, either at home or when eating out, though we've bent the rules recently because DS is obsessed with Harry Potter and is halfway through reading the books downloaded onto the iPad. Karma has now bitten me on the bum and I understand how my dad felt when he heard 'just one more page!'

Well Annie yes I do understand that perhaps my solution may not be sitting right with other diners. But hang on a minute; aren't we talking about adult diners? Who surely can read a situation? See a mum and dad struggling with their sometimes so upset son that he is screaming because, hey I told them what I want to eat... it isn't here.... we're trying to calm him down but oh yes they're perfectly ok to sit looking down on judgement but the minute the kindle comes out and he can play Thomas the tank engine's alphabet game, or bad piggies; or whatever the heck it is that will settle him - with the volume so low my hubby can barely hear it and he's sitting next to Thomas... then all he'll breaks loose and we're the devil incarnate??! I mean; WTAF??!
I tell you what; when one of "you people" come up with a solution that will work 90 odd percent of the time, when that happens I will VERY gladly bow down to your obviously greater knowledge. Until then; suck it up buttercup, my son's kindle IS NOT disturbing you (one visit to the salad cart or the loo tells me just how loud the device is) so until you've come up with this master plan; I'll continue with the kindle. Which just in case you hadn't realised, is a last resort after trying many and varied distraction methods!

Autocorrect fail.... HELL not he'))

YANBU OP. I don't understand why kids are automatically given iPads or phones at the dinner table. My kids range from 10 to 3, we have always had a no device until we've finished eating policy. They have colouring/drawing/small toy cars/noughts and crosses/other quick quizzes etc drawn on paper napkins. Oh and they are encouraged to join in with the conversation. Yes, even the 3 year old. Yes sometimes it is a bit challenging but generally we can have a nice time until at least the dessert has arrived. Then they know they can have a device turned low once we've eaten and DH and I can have some time talking amongst ourselves. In my opinion we have brought the kids out to eat together especially somewhere nice, if they're going to be on iPads the whole time, stay at home or if your kids can't behave themselves for an hour or so, you just have to eat somewhere more 'child friendly'. That's the life we all chose when we decided to become families!

I don't understand why kids are automatically given iPads or phones at the dinner table. My kids range from 10 to 3, we have always had a no device until we've finished eating policy.

Well you let your DC have them after dessert

It's amazing the fine lines people will judge others on.

I'm not judging, I'm saying what I do. Yes we let them have a device after we've eaten if it's necessary, sometimes it is and sometimes it's not. But not while we're enjoying the meal. And silent. id say generally for the last few minutes whilst we're waiting for the bill, some doing toilet trips, paying etc.

See @welshbutenglish someone like me allows Before, BUT NOT during eating OR after!

How you use your device doesn't bother me. Surely I get to pick before (whilst waiting for food) only? They don't get them after.

However, someone else still using differently again (so long as respectably quiet or headphones) might grate on some, but so long as it IS done respectfully of those around, isn't anyone else's business. (IMO)

Well your first sentence certainly sounds like you are judging Welsh but if you aren't then I stand corrected.

I agree with you flower, as long as they're not bothering other diners of course it's nothing to do with me. I find it easier to 'dangle the carrot' and let them have them at the end rather than negotiate when they have to switch them off but each to their own! I suppose me main point was that I don't want to get to a stage where the kids automatically expect to play on a device every time we go for a meal and for the duration of the meal, I personally don't see the point in going out together then

Hey increasingly. Not judging, just discussing

" I don't understand why kids are automatically given iPads or phones at the dinner table."
There are quite a few posts on here that have explained why.

Tbf Welsh I don't understand it full stop. I reckon my DC's tablets contain more germs than the average toilet. They never go near food.

The angriest posts on here seem to be from people defending unmuted electronic gadgets in public.

No super the angriest posts generally are from SN mum's who have experience of their problems!

when one of "you people"

< sigh >

Spikey I hear you. I think the key word in my post was 'automatically'. Of course those coping with children with SN in a restaurant should use whatever means necessary to enjoy their experience and keep their kids entertained and happy, as long as it isn't, by way of noise levels, being majorly intrusive on someone else's experience. I have massive respect for families that are doing that day in day out. 'automatically' refers to getting iPads etc out as a standard first port of call, regardless of the actual need. Clearly those who NEED those devices in order to be able to go out and even think about sitting in a restaurant should be able to without question. My original post was talking about those who have no real need but just do it because it's the easy option and the kids expect it.

The thing is, these parents seem to think they are doing the right thing and that a little noise from an ipad/phone is not much annoyance compared to them entertaining their kids/telling them off. Well I would much rather sit next to a family where the kids start misbehaving -ie. normal children behaviour, and then have the parents telling their kids, not shouting but firmly to stop their behaviour and interacts with them, even if this is a bit nosier than a retired couple sitting next to us!

I am laughing that you think those are the two options. How about the kids start lobbing the crayons around, the people next to you tell them off, not shouting, but firmly to stop and the kids completely ignore the parents and carry on, so the parents say they are leaving, the children start screaming at the top of their voices, then as the parents are trying to gather everything up and wrestle them out the child smashes a drink on the floor - now screeching. £60 is chucked on the table. the dad wrestles the child out who is lashing out at all the other diners on the way out. The heavily pregnant mum is on her hands and knees crying trying to pick up the glass and apologising to all around...

Because this, unfortunately is OUR reality. So those two scenarios are totally unrecognisable to me.

even if this is a bit nosier than a retired couple sitting next to us!

The retired couple are more likely to be nosy I reckon

YANBU. We don't let out son use our phones or iPad when eating out anyway (I once told him they only worked at home!), but if we did it would most certainly be with the sound very low or, more probably, off. They are being very inconsiderate.

No super the angriest posts generally are from SN mum's who have experience of their problems!

You missed off... 'and are fed up of being judged by those that really have no idea of the reality of some of our situations, with some of those people also seeming to believe we really should just stay home because it's not worth taking the children out'

:P

Not saying that everyone here thinks that, but certainly it appears as if a fair few do! Thank you if you're one of the understanding ones (of which, thankfully are more than I'd expected in the thread).

Flower you put it in a nutshell!!

How about them encouraging the 5 year old to draw or have a sticker book at the table, it so much more stimulating than a game that's just mind numbing. Yes, there are many apps that are creative and are for helping kids learn. Or, maybe, just maybe, actually talk to your child at the table, be involved with a book or drawing he / she might be doing. By speaking to a child that'll also help to encourage them to have table manners too. Even something as basic as "I spy" up until the food arrives is better than a game. It just give the message that while "we are all sitting at the same table and I don't find you that interesting to interact with and I'm not that interesting either..." children spend so much time from age 4 away from their parents at school. You'd think that the time we all have together would be appreciated/enjoyed, rather than an annoying task.

My kids have ipads, we're not funny about them using them but they are banned in a restaurant situation even with earphones. How are they ever going to learn how to interact

My ds has variously had reading books., colouring books and a Nintendo DS to keep him entertained when we went out to eat. He had the sound turned down and no headphones.

He's now 14 and we regularly go out to eat and he talks to us! Kids grow up - there's no need to worry that because your 6 year old is fixated with the ipad or has their nose in a book that they won't be able to converse when they are older. I remember being in Italy when he was about 9 though and the waiter in one restaurant was obviously very disapproving about the Nintendo DS and made some comment to him "you should talk to your parents".

As for not having headphones and the sound up - that is very rude. Either sound down or give them something else to do.

The prize for not reading the full thread goes to Deidre21!!

Or she read it leigh and felt compelled to impart her wisdom irrespective. Yeah, colouring books and I spy... why didn't I think of that?! An epiphany!