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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hotel restaurant and iPads etc

439 replies

mckenzie · 31/08/2017 09:53

We are on holiday and staying in a hotel with breakfast included.
Settle nicely at a table this morning, in the shade, over lookimgbthe gardens, watching the birds on the ledge. A family then take the table next to us.

The older child (I'm guessing age 5) is given an iPad and starts playing a game with noice so we can hear ping and pong and clapping and other computer type noises.
The younger child (I'm guessing 18 months) has a phone propped up in front of her and is watching a video of some sort so we can hear high pitched animated voices and weird music.

AIBU to expect the family to think of others and provide said children with headphones?

OP posts:
PidgeonSpray · 02/09/2017 09:42

Inconsiderate a-holes.

Headphones
Silent

Or how did people actually parent and converse and interact with their offspring before this technology?!

Spikeyball · 02/09/2017 09:45

You of course mean those who derailed by criticising anyone who used a device.

FrancisCrawford · 02/09/2017 09:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vikivox · 02/09/2017 09:55

It is inconsiderate of parents to allow kids make too much noise or to leave a mess. I don't let my child do it and I don't like it when others do it either. For us, the phone and iPad is a last resort thing, once the child has eaten and we have to stay longer at the place and if there is nothing else to engage the child with. Having said that, as a parent you should be prepared for such situations and throw in a colouring book or something. A restaurant is unlike a flight, you can leave any time if your child is fed up!

flowergrrl77 · 02/09/2017 10:03

You said my personal choice to NOT confront could be regarded as tacit approval. I explained how this isn't the case. Perhaps I didn't explain it well enough.

I'll rephrase that to 'I have bigger issues to deal with with my immediate family, my family takes most of my attention, including watching for external occurrences that could result in a dangerous situation for my family, I have no desire to have fisticuffs with other people, i would rather remove my children for their safety from antisocial people swearing and shouting.

However, that isn't the topic of this whole thread, my son has his ipad (and headphones) available should he need. If someone wishes to confront HIM about that, then I will step in and respond for him because he can't.

FrancisCrawford · 02/09/2017 10:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flowergrrl77 · 02/09/2017 10:16

Well I am sorry for reading the sentence without the appropriate strength of the word could regarding the hypothetical situation that isn't actually the topic of this thread but was introduced by yourself this morning.

my opinion is that people have a right to simply remove themselves from situations without anyone inferring approval or other for actions thereof.

FYI my son uses headphones. As I have stated many many times. Or, like the other day, when we are out, no use of an iPad at all!

Have a good day. Don't worry, we aren't eating out again for ages.

FrancisCrawford · 02/09/2017 10:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flowergrrl77 · 02/09/2017 10:37

Thank you for the clarifications and for the understanding :)

ArcheryAnnie · 02/09/2017 13:28

leighb I did not know your child had a disability, so I am sorry. I understand completely (because I have experienced this in my own family) that it means trips out can be incredibly difficult and fraught with complications, so I understand why you are so upset by my post. (This doesn't mean it's OK for you to call me a twat, though.)

Thing is, your family is not the only one with special needs, or indeed needs at all of every kind. You don't know what is happening in other people's lives. What works for your family may well be causing distress to other people's families. For you just to say "this is what we are doing and screw everyone else because it's what we need" isn't OK.

leighb23 · 02/09/2017 15:45

But there you go again Annie. I SAID his kindle is QUIET. as in NOT loud. Your being called a twat; unfortunately is because the tuts/ shaking of heads/staring at us when my poor little ones anxieties are high is extremely twattish behaviour! You/ they can see we're trying to calm him down. But it's never good enough is it? If I let him scream I'm a twat. If I give him a (barely audible - he doesn't do LOUD!) kindle for his games I'm being a twat AND killing his art of conversation. Don't you people get that we need a break from high maintenance children?
But i'm quite sure I'm banging my head against a brick wall. 16 pages in and someone has still put that we're inconsiderate aholes. Ado there you go. I'll just let him scream blue murder next time. I'm sure everyone will appreciate that more.

leighb23 · 02/09/2017 15:46

Oh and I'm fairly sure in my initial post I mentioned his disability or brain condition. But hey ho there you go.

maxthemartian · 02/09/2017 16:29

I am going to make a point of complaining to the manager every single time I hear loud electronics from now on.
Sick of inconsiderate people.

flowergrrl77 · 02/09/2017 17:03

We can go together @leighb23 and have proper meltdown kids afternoon :P

Modern medicine means my son is alive, sure he is f. hard work, but I'll take him with all the hard work over him having been a stillborn, which he very nearly was even WITH modern medicine!

All of ours together, no devices, just the 2 of us adults, yea, I reckon nobody will be hearing the birds tweet :P

joking aside, clearly tempers are frayed on this thread now. Some people will always consider other ppl a.holes, even when they're trying so hard to ensure the offspring don't disturb/throwing their opinions about on parenting. It looks like a very split opinion, those of us saying WE use devices to aid us all say we do our best to minimise noise pollution, and for many of us, thats the best we can offer :)

leighb23 · 02/09/2017 17:34

Yeah I'm with you there!! I just look like a crazy bird on the thread as someone must've reported my post!

Fresh8008 · 02/09/2017 17:52

Using an ipad at the table does NOT mean you are a lazy parent.
Using an ipad at the table does NOT mean you cannot hold a conversation.
Using an ipad at the table does NOT mean you are addicted to it 24/7
What did we do pre-tablets? Well I know it used to be expected you would spank your children to shut them up.

Waving a crayon on a page is acceptable but waving a finger on a tablet is evil wrong Confused
Sometimes parents and children CHOOSE to not talk constantly for 2 hours and prefer some down time to relax, eat and watch something interesting on youtube.

If someone is obsessed with dinning etiquette then they should engage their own table in conversation instead of fixating on what other families chose to do.

I wonder when cutlery was invented did the MN mafia look at the next table using cutlery and tut, "what did we do pre-cutlery? Its rude to eat with anything other than your hands, as our parents taught us it didn't do us any harm, what is society coming to."

LespritDescalier · 02/09/2017 19:00

Nobody cares if you use an ipad at the table as long as you do it with the sound off.
Seriously, no fucks are given unless you are pissing off other diners.

ArcheryAnnie · 02/09/2017 19:07

Don't you people get that we need a break from high maintenance children?

leigh can you consider the possibility that "you people" have experiences all their own that mean they understand perfectly, and yet they still disagree with your solution?

Fresh8008 · 02/09/2017 19:15

Nobody cares if you use an ipad at the table as long as you do it with the sound off

Guess you haven't read the whole thread then because a lot of posters do. Apparently it undermines parents who have a no electronic device rule for their children.

I dont think anyone has said they would have the volume up loud. Low enough so a normal conversation can still be had is reasonable.

LespritDescalier · 02/09/2017 19:17

Well fuck them, so.

Low is not good enough. Headphones or off, or yes I will glare at you!

Littlemisschocolate · 02/09/2017 19:39

It is SO easy to judge people's parenting. I feel that somehow the minute you have kids someone is looking down on you for something. I totally agree that other people's iPads are disruptive but we don't know them, what challenges they face. Sometimes an iPad is the preferable alternative to, say, a loud inappropriate asd child. And headphones are bad for children's hearing, even if they can tolerate them.

ArcheryAnnie · 02/09/2017 20:06

I feel that somehow the minute you have kids someone is looking down on you for something. I totally agree that other people's iPads are disruptive but we don't know them, what challenges they face.

If it helps, littlemisschocolate, I totally judge adults who watch stuff on their phone or tablet without headphones, too.

LespritDescalier · 02/09/2017 20:09

Yep. It's not about your parenting, it's just the irritating noise. I couldn't care less if you drug them with catnip and brandy as long as they aren't disturbing my dinner. Same exact thing goes for adults, if you want to watch a film or a cartoon, fuck off home and do it.

Littlemisschocolate · 02/09/2017 20:28

Point taken, other people's noise is irritating (as I remembered when attempting to go camping again this year) and I must confess that I am sensitive to being judged, or more accurately the perception of being judged for what is my very best effort of parenting one very difficult child (and two comparatively easy ones thankfully). I feel like i must often seem a total failure to others in this regard. Especially when, as a last resort, the iPhone comes out which is by far the least disruptive option.

yikesanotherbooboo · 02/09/2017 20:54

Lesprit and I are on the same page and I am very sorry that many parents/ mumsnet Tera here felt judged because the original Aibu was valid and in my opinion YANBU