Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what age you would let dc have a drink at home

158 replies

ohhereweareagain · 31/08/2017 06:48

Dh thinks 15 if there is a special occasion whilst I don't agree. I have no idea if I am being unreasonable as I don't drink. I grew up in a culture where drink wasn't much a part if it whilst his was very different

OP posts:
Huffletuff · 01/09/2017 18:08

I asked DS 9 what his opinions on alcohol are earlier. He said he can't understand why people get drunk because it makes a lot of people sick and aggressive. I asked if he was looking forward to being able to have alcohol when he was older and he said not really, as he can have fun without it, though he might have a beer at a BBQ or a glass of wine with a meal out.

I will remind him of that conversation when he's 18 and throwing up all over the bathroom Grin

Gottagetmoving · 01/09/2017 18:11

I was allowed a very small drink every Christmas from 10 years old.

SomeOtherFuckers · 01/09/2017 18:48

I was allowed a bit at 14 ( a end at a party) and the. 15-16 I bought it myself..

AylaBayla · 01/09/2017 19:11

I just can't see what earthly reason there is to give a child alcohol??? They don't like it so you have to add lemonade or water it down so what's the point?

Teens drink to get drunk not because they have a sophisticated appreciation for hops!

BroomstickOfLove · 01/09/2017 20:02

Ayla - I didn't get drunk as a teen because I did have an appreciation of good wine, and necking WKD until I was sick held zero appeal.

Hulababy · 01/09/2017 20:29

alcoholeducationtrust.org/parent-area/alcohol-and-the-law/

This suggests there is research and evidence on both sides of the argument for allowing teens to have alcohol occasionally.

DD is 15y and she is allowed a small glass of wine on special occasions if she wishes. She rarely takes us up on the offer tbh. She just isn't bothered. She's been to parties where alcohol is present and flowing but as yet she just isn't interested.

bambambini · 01/09/2017 20:33

"In my strict house I can tell you that even if there was drink at parties I'd be so busy trying to make sure I didn't have any tipsyness in me and no smell of alcohol on my breath (chewing gum) before going home, I'd end up having one drink all night. So my parents rules and expectations did actually work."

Tried that, my 14 yr old daughter ended up in icu on a ventilator a few years ago after quaffing a bottle of gin in their bedroom after lights out.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 01/09/2017 20:41

bambam

Sorry to hear that Thanks

They are a trial and a torment arent they...

NewView · 01/09/2017 20:46

Glass of wine or shandy from about 14. My parents did the same with me. No issues with DCs drinking too much. Even now, eldest is 20, she's not too bothered.

bambambini · 01/09/2017 21:12

Rufus - was bloody terrifying. Found them collapsed behind their bedroom door snd had no idea why. First time ever having s drink - ibhad bern super strict on it and they knew they couldn't drink at a party the next night - so drank slmist a whole bottle of neat gin (quickly) in their bedroom instead.

applesareredandgreen · 01/09/2017 21:39

Agree 15 is fine. We offered DS a drink if he wanted it at that age. He declined, although all of his friends drank alcohol, as he was very much into sport and fitness. Roll on a year and he announces that, like his friends, he is going to drink at the prom after-party. I was concerned that from never having alcohol at all he would turn up at this party with no alcohol tolerance and make himself ill, so I actually told him if he planned to drink at this party he needed to have the odd can at home first (not sure if others will deem that good or bad parenting but it seemed sensible to me).
Anyway, at 16 now, I will buy him a few cans cider (the 4% fruit stuff) if he is going to a party and he has the odd can at home.

I also drank alcohol from around 15 with my parents. Cinnzano with lemonade as this was what my mom drank!

Seryph · 01/09/2017 21:47

I was given a glass of watered wine with big family meals from 6ish. I definitely remember having a small glass of bucks fizz on my birthday before going to school on the morning of my 12th birthday (I was having a hard time adjusting to senior school so parents made a huge fuss that birthday).
Bottles of alcopops were available at home for one or two with dinner over the weekend from when I was 15/16 and I had free rein over the spirits cupboard for my 17th birthday with my 2 best friends.
I certainly think letting children taste alcohol and taking away the mystery is very important. As an adult I don't really drink at home.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 01/09/2017 21:58

So sorry bambam

You must have been beside yourself

Its one of my two biggest fears about ds1,

I hope you are both all right

opinionatedfreak · 01/09/2017 22:05

I work with kids in central london and have done alcohol awareness work. Attitudes to alcohol are changing. Lots of them are horrified by a scenario I discuss with them that outlines a drunk 15yo.

When I was 15 (naice middle class dormitory town). Being drunk at 15 wasn't a scenario at school it was reality for lots of my friends.

My Dad is an alcoholic. I've been drinking at family things with non alcoholic role models since my early teens. Port'n' lemon/babycham then wine as I got older.

I have a very sensible relationship with alcohol and have always done so. I'm grateful to my grandparents/aunt/uncle for showing me what "normal" drinking looks like!

Witchend · 01/09/2017 22:37

I think 15yo is really old. A certain number will have tried it unsupervised at other people's houses by then.

My parents made wine. We certainly had little sips of it from 6yo upwards. I remember having a glass and a half of champagne at that age when I was bridesmaid. I'd drunk half a glass when a wasp went in it, so the waiter (in a hotel) gave me another whole one. Shock
We were allowed a small goblet of ginger wine at Sunday lunch, probably about 2 tablespoons full.

I have never been drunk, and rarely drink now. We occasionally share (me and dh) a small bottle of cider at dinner, and occasionally a glass of df's home made port (which is delicious) but very rarely anything else even if it's offered.

Ditto the children. Dd1 quite likes what she calls champagne, but is actually fizzy wine. She might have half a glass if offered. The other two have had sips and proclaimed that they don't like it.
If we were having a drink and they asked we'd give them a taste.

The worst person at uni for drink had never been allowed any at home. He drank most nights to excess until he was thrown out.

BabychamSocialist · 01/09/2017 22:57

15 here, but we let them have a glass of champagne at New Year's Eve when they were 14 and Buck's Fizz (like 10% champagne and the rest OJ) when they were 13.

Since they were 15 we let them have Lager or Cider at parties or a special occasion. They're not really that bothered though.

bambambini · 01/09/2017 23:31

"I have a very sensible relationship with alcohol and have always done so. I'm grateful to my grandparents/aunt/uncle for showing me what "normal" drinking looks like!"

We didn't grow up with visibly hard drinking parents. Mum was T total and dad went for few drinks at night to pub. Me and my siblings all have probably problematic relationship with drink. I think it's possibly genetic rather than our childhood environment.

Oliversmumsarmy · 03/09/2017 09:38

The only thing you can do to make alcohol safer to your DC is to work on their self esteem. You can ban alcohol or you can let them try it with meals but no one is talking about teaching their DC about peer pressure. Just because everyone is doing something doesn't mean you have to. Why follow the sheep scenario.

13bastards · 03/09/2017 09:52

Ours started having a fruity cider with dinner at 13. There is always alcohol in our house but they know they always have to ask if they can have a cider and that they can't touch what else may be around unless they ask us first. Neither like wine/prosecco which they have had a sip of if we have it on the go.

I'm a firm believer in allowing kids to learn their boundaries in a safe environment. I was allowed hooch or Bacardi breezers at Xmas or BBQ's from about 13 so we have followed on with our kids.

QuitMoaning · 03/09/2017 10:00

My partner rarely drink, mostly because of circumstances rather than any other reason. He hasn't had a beer for couple of weeks. Last week I had one beer and a small glass of champagne in total.
On holiday we let our sons start with a weak shandy (about quarter beer) when they were 13 and gradually increased ratio until they were/are 16 when they have one or two bottles of beer with dinner on holiday.

I was hoping to demystify alcohol.
Didn't work
My son is at Uni and his first year involved getting drunk a lot.
My stepson at 16 gets drunk too (not under our care or control, we just find out about it).

It is all about the peer group.

BarbarianMum · 03/09/2017 10:02

We follow the Spanish model. Watered down wine (if they want it) from about age 6, with a special meal. Small glass of sherry or cider (if they want it) on Sundays from 10. A drink if whatever, if they want it, from 15. The only rules are that drinking is done socially, with food and in moderation.

My entire family has been brought up like this for generations and its led to generations of minimal drinkers. Maybe its in the genes.

corythatwas · 03/09/2017 10:06

Oliversmumsarmy Sun 03-Sep-17 09:38:18
"The only thing you can do to make alcohol safer to your DC is to work on their self esteem. You can ban alcohol or you can let them try it with meals but no one is talking about teaching their DC about peer pressure"

This!!!

Whether I drink a refined glass of wine every day with my home-cooked dinner or never have the stuff in the house because I don't like the taste isn't going to alter the fact that sooner or later any teen of mine who wants a social life is going to find themselves at a party which will feature not a naice sit-down meal but other teens egging them on to down large quantities of vodka simply for the fun of seeing them drunk.

What matters at that point is not an appreciation of the best white Bordeaux to match your Sole Veronique but the guts to say to your best friend/the girl you fancy/the alpha boy who could turn your whole class against you "no thank, you, I don't want any more".

TeaCake5 · 03/09/2017 10:09

Allowing children to drink at a young age at home is common.

Winosaurus · 03/09/2017 10:14

At 15 I was going to nightclubs Wink
I think 13 onwards is fine within reason, I used to be allowed a glass of wine with lemonade. But only in the house and usually with Sunday dinner.
It's good to teach children to drink responsibly.
My friends who were never allowed to drink or be around alcohol were the ones who went off the rails in 6th form / uni. Those of us who were allowed it in moderation knew our limits and didn't put ourselves in dangerous situations

13bastards · 03/09/2017 10:18

@Winosaurus me too! No idea how. I can't get into a club/buy wine in Tesco now without ID, who on earth was letting me into their shitty carpet club when I was 15...