To ask what age you would let dc have a drink at home

[ohhereweareagain]

Dh thinks 15 if there is a special occasion whilst I don't agree. I have no idea if I am being unreasonable as I don't drink. I grew up in a culture where drink wasn't much a part if it whilst his was very different

CaptWentworth I have banned it and my dc don't drink. Dd now 17 and having seen what her friends get up to when they have had a drink is now glad I banned all alcohol and told her not to drink.

We allowed a glass of wine from 14/15.

To the disgust of many mnnetters (when it came up before) mine is the house that DS (now 18) and his friends drank in. They had to have parental permission, they weren't allowed spirits (I find the way some kids are necking vodka in the park terrifying) and nobody is allowed to be drunk.

It worked well for us. It balanced the huge drinking culture where we live with my fear of alcohol (alcoholic parents).

Slightly sneakily it made me the mum in the know as they were always in my house which was good as I was a very very nervous parent.

DS and his friends do drink in bars and clubs now they are 18, but he's never once been ridiculously drunk and it seemed to work with him.

I'm not getting smug though - he's the eldest of 6 and his 14 year old sisters are slightly more spirited than he was so we shall see if it works with them!

All this rubbish about forbidden fruit and banning it leads to overindulgence! My parents were strict and we had no alcohol at home till 17-18. Only got it at 17 because we started college at that age. My parents are moderate drinkers and we learned that from them by watching, not participating. I have never seen either of my parents drunk which all my friends at school were aghast at. Yes I drank heavily in my 20's and tried it when out with friends at 15-16 but certainly drank no more than my friends whose parents let them drink at home. In fact I wouldn't have had half as much access to alcohol if it wasn't for those parents who let their 14 and 15 yr olds drink at home a bit as they were the ones to get hold of drink and to feel entitled to drink it. I didn't.

So you can tell yourselves you're teaching your kids to drink responsibly but maybe take a look at what kind of role model you are rather than this bollox of letting them learn in the safety of home at 15. Because it's your hangovers and tipsy behaviour that is really teaching your kids how to drink irresponsibly.

My teens (15 and 16) have never expressed an interest in alcohol and I am not about to offer it to them. I am not sure I agree that bot drinking from an early age at home means teens will go out and get drunked/pumped. I agree with the poster who said she does not want her teens to associate celebration with alcohol. I think a lot of people drink fat far too much in this country and I don't want my children to see alcohol as an every day thing and somethig which must accompany a party.

14 / 15.

My Dc do not drink irresponsibly or heavily outside the home.

I'm not going to ban something I can't police when they are out of sight, so went with teaching them how to be responsible and not making alcohol glamorous as 'forbidden fruit '.

There are two interesting statistics relating to teen alcohol consumption and its link with adult alcoholism. (Source a medical friend who does research in this area.) The younger you are when you first experience alcohol (even small amounts), the more likely you are to have problems with alcohol as an adult. In addition, the younger you are when you have your first episode of drunkenness, the more likely adult alcoholism is. These are statistics, not theories. To protect long-term mental health, it is better to keep kids slcolhol free as long as possible: not a fashionable opinion! Another interesting statistic is that teens who drink in private homes drink more.

Would you have a link to this anne?

Oliver Whatever works for you.

I was allowed small amounts of wine from about 14 under supervision. I now really enjoy the odd glass of good wine. I always knew my limits, even with teenage peer pressure I have never been unable to make sensible decisions.

And haha, we don't get drunk or have hangovers. We drink v moderately. That's part of teaching them to be responsible.

Test tube, you are the exception. All my friends in school (from naice families) talked about when mum fell backwards on her bum or dad slurring when home for a night out, or the change in jokes and inappropriate comments from loosened tongues. I swear these parents probably thought they were hiding it well but their kids would always laugh about it like it was sooooo cool.

15 - we are going through this right now.

I do not generally drink (daughter of a dead alcoholic) and have a glass of wine at Christmas or if we eat out. DH will have a couple of nice "fruit" cider bottles a week.

DD15 is not interested, DD16 will ask on a Friday night if she can share a bottle with her dad...

To be honest when they go out to parties or "to chill" they will be drinking alcohol - I am not naive enough to assume they won't - but we have talked about their late grandad and neither have come home rolling or reeking of booze, so they seem sensible.

Without question some kids can and will be sensible.

My parents were incredibly strict with me and I never tasted alcohol until I was 18. Went on to have serious issues with alcohol. I do believe that their attitude was a part of this as I saw alcohol as an act of rebellion. I plan to have a much more relaxed attitude with my DC.

Not big drinkers here I started young and the novelty wore off and my ds is about to go into year 10 and is 14.
He could probably get served in a pub himself as is over 6ft with facial hair but is appalled by the thought of drinking!

We were on holiday earlier this year and I suggested he try my cocktail and he had a sip and hated it. Said he's not drinking for years and years.

His best friend, also 14, has had a few beers at his family parties etc and loves it ( though spent New Year's Day throwing up ).

I'm sure he will change his mind as he gets older and I'm really relaxed with him as he's such a good kid.
I was sneaking into pubs and clubs in Liverpool at 15.

the ones that are necking vodka in the park
Are those whose parents thought they were teaching their dc to drink sensibly by introducing alcohol with meals when they were younger.

The way people think if you ban alcohol then your dc are going to go off the rails is a little strange. Lots of families don't drink for religious reasons why would their children suddenly start drinking at all.

I let mine from about 13. She thought it was a real big deal and would tell me all about how much she was allowed to drink at her dad's. I let her have the odd fruit cider here and there but she just nursed it really. Clearly wasn't keen but tried to make out she was. She's 15 now and just doesn't bother. Although still occasionally tries to make out she has all kinds at her dads. Ive spoken to him but shes the same there - he offers appropriate drinks on occasions but she just isn't interested.

There just aren't enough parents around here who withhold alcohol from their teens to make the correlations demystifying alcohol=sensible drinking all that plausible. Most people I know do drink. Most allow their teens to drink. And there is an awful lot of teen drunkenness.

I think whether your teens will feel the need to rebel by unsafe behaviour (which excessive drinking is) is more to do with things like your general relationship, their personalities, how easily led they are and how much of other types of excitement there is in their lives.

I would be very surprised if most teens getting sloshed at an evening out are really doing it because there is some intriguing mystery about alcohol that they feel called upon to solve. If that were the case, they would only do it once and then they would know.

There are other factors leading teens to overindulge and those factors can probably not be reproduced with a naice glass of red during a genteel family dinner. That setting is so different to that of being pressurised by alpha girl/boy to have more vodka at a party that they might as well involve different chemicals altogether.

KarateKitten: I know the families you describe!

There is a drink problem in this country, nationally we are a disgrace.

Each family will have its own dynamic and way of trying (hopefully) to equip their kids not to be part of the problem. I don't feel confident that I could do that via a ban, so have adopted what I see of the French model.

We all (hopefully) do our best, in our different ways.

And none of it, NONE of it offers a guarantee. The vodka-swillers of the Dds extended friendship group came from a diversity of families and cannot be characterised.

Ds1 had an snowball or two one Christmas and boxing day when he was 14

He didnt bother at all the following year

He didnt have any alcohol again til a new years eve party a few days before he turned 17

That following year he had drinks at a few parties he went to and two parties he had here

Dd at nearly 16 has no interest

I will probably tell ds2 16/17 like his siblings. he is 14 at the moment.

Well Olivers, my Mediterranean parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and siblings would beg to differ. All of us had wine from a young age with sunday lunch, not onr of us has alcohol issues.

If I had to guess who the vodka-in-the-park swillers were I'd suggest they come from homes where they are not welcome to have friends back, or don't get any privacy when they do.

Sorry, ds1 still doest drink at home or at dinner out

He drinks with his friends at parties or nights out

11-12 to taste mine or have a 90% lemonade shandy or very weak spritzer of their own on special occasions.

Increasing to 14-15 year olds having their own regular sized glass of wine or beer sometimes (big family meal etc).

By 17, I'd let them 'be in charge' of their own intake with careful monitoring, just in case.

My children are younger but I work with teenagers. IME, the 16-17 year olds who take a few beers to a party drink them and are fine. The ones who are banned from anything and have a tight leash take a bottle of vodka and spend the night puking into a rose bush.

Your DH is still on the side of conservatism, I feel.

That may well be so IDont. But when serious alcohol-related incidents have happened among dc's friends (ambulances called, hospital stays), they have not just involved vodka-necking in the park, but house parties in perfectly ordinary families where teens were welcome to bring their friends and given privacy. Vodka doesn't somehow become innocuous when imbibed in a warm and loving home.

As a foreigner, I also think there is no point in comparing with other cultures where drinking looks totally different in the first place. Your teens are not going to be attending parties with somebody's Mediterranean uncles and aunts, but with British teenagers, entrenched in British drinking culture: that is the pressure they will have to stand up to and that is the peer group where they may want to find acceptance.

Karate kitten could you be more judgemental about people you don't know?

I can guarantee you test tube is NOT an exception. But I refuse to justify myself to you or anyone. I know what works for my family and we are all responsible. I can't help the fact that your friends weren't.