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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what age you would let dc have a drink at home

158 replies

ohhereweareagain · 31/08/2017 06:48

Dh thinks 15 if there is a special occasion whilst I don't agree. I have no idea if I am being unreasonable as I don't drink. I grew up in a culture where drink wasn't much a part if it whilst his was very different

OP posts:
ememem84 · 31/08/2017 07:51

I'd say 15 or so is fine. I was around 14/15 when I was allowed a drink if I wanted it on special occasions - Christmas morning Buck's Fizz etc.

Saying that when I was 5 I was allowed cassis and lemonade when we were in France. Parents had no idea it was alcoholic initially. They wondered why I slept so well....

EternalOptimistToo · 31/08/2017 07:51

I'm surprised by the answers TBH.

Surely it depends on what you mean by a drink?
Do you mean a quarter or half a glass of cider or several glasses of wine or a full glass of whisky?

At 15yo, I would have no issue with a glass of cider or a Glass of wine. I would have an issue with anything more than that or with any strong alcohol.

I personally started mch much earlier with my dcs by letting them taste a mouthful in our glasses. Along with talk about getting drunk, signs to be looking for etc....

IfYouHappenToSee · 31/08/2017 07:52

15 here too.

I don't drink a lot, but I do like it. I want my children to grow up with a sensible, mature and responsible attitude towards drinking.

It's not "cool" but neither is it something to deride.

As a consequence, I have a son who didn't go to the pub until he was 18 (through choice, although he did have a beer at home with me or if he went to a party) and who has never been drunk.

We've talked about it and he's makes very sensible choices around alcohol; far more responsible than I made at his age Blush but then I grew up around parents who forbid it and I had no idea about alcohol...

kateandme · 31/08/2017 07:52

id prefer them to wait as long as possible. but if its being asked of I think 16 is okay.for a drink drink.
but if they weren't drinking when out or ahoswing interest id like to wait til legal age.i know doubtful haha but you never know.drink isn't a big deal for some.i never wanted one.my sister though started drinking out with mates at 15 so it was dicussed and safety etc etc then.
we were always allowed a sip on something special though.not made an issue of at all.
but an actual glass of something id like to think wait til you need to.

fleshmarketclose · 31/08/2017 07:55

We are teatotal and so there was never any alcohol in the house here, I think we bought some lager at Christmas for them when they were seventeen. Of the four old enough to drink now three don't touch it at all and one only drinks on nights out and none have alcohol in their own houses.

IfYouHappenToSee · 31/08/2017 07:56

Eternal I've taken it to mean one small glass or wine or half a pint of beer.

Not a drinking session!

Oysterbabe · 31/08/2017 07:57

I was drinking booze stolen from parents in the park with my friends at 13. Whether we like it or not, most teens are going to experiment with alcohol so we may as well try and teach them to be sensible about it.

AuntieStella · 31/08/2017 08:01

Older teens.

Remember it's legal for them to drink in public at 16 (restaurant, with responsible adult, wine/beer/cider). So 15/16, but only occasionally seems reasonable to me.

mogulfield · 31/08/2017 08:04

The kids at my school who has strict parents who preached abstinence were the ones having their stomachs pumped at 16. Most teenagers will drink anyway so I think 15 is a good age to teach them it's not a forbidden mystical substance, but something to be enjoyed slowly with a meal (like the French do!).

Annebronte · 31/08/2017 08:05

There are two interesting statistics relating to teen alcohol consumption and its link with adult alcoholism. (Source a medical friend who does research in this area.) The younger you are when you first experience alcohol (even small amounts), the more likely you are to have problems with alcohol as an adult. In addition, the younger you are when you have your first episode of drunkenness, the more likely adult alcoholism is. These are statistics, not theories. To protect long-term mental health, it is better to keep kids slcolhol free as long as possible: not a fashionable opinion! Another interesting statistic is that teens who drink in private homes drink more.

IfYouHappenToSee · 31/08/2017 08:09

What does the research say about the frequency and quantity of alcohol consumption, Anne?

In my house, I can't remember the last time I bought a bottle of wine. But when we went camping recently, my 18 year old son and I drank beer together. We did last year too when he wasn't 18.

At 15, he had a single drink at birthdays, Christmas and maybe 3 at New Year but spread over about 6 hours.

So he was 'drinking' from mid teens but I still go to the pub more than he does (8 times a month to 2 or 3) and he doesn't drink outside the pub.

So alcohol has been available to him from 15 but it was, and still is, rarely consumed.

Oliversmumsarmy · 31/08/2017 08:09

If you don't drink why would you be buying alcohol for a 15 year old.

Dd is 17 and doesn't drink. I was the only parent who banned alcohol. A lot of dd's classmates now go to colleges away from home and the other parents are now besides themselves with worry about the amount their dc drink.

A bottle of vodka seems to be the norm to neck 2 -7 times per week. Some are altering their career plans so they can go to uni and to keep the party going.
I know they have all done weed, a few have done ecstasy and all bar one has done cocaine.
Even I can see someone is going to end up dead..

corythatwas · 31/08/2017 08:14

fwiw I grew up in a teetotal household and I was not getting drunk in the park or having my stomach pumped; as an adult I am pretty relaxed around alcohol- like a glass of red with the occasional special meal but can live without it.

my parents didn't do me any kind of disservice by just living the life they would have lived anyway

LadyPenelope68 · 31/08/2017 08:15

We let my eldest (now 19) start having a small taste if he wanted at about 15, then a small glass of his own (mixed with lemonade/soda) and then moved onto a glass of wine or bottle of beer on special occasions/celebrations/if we were having some. I'm a great believer if it's not seen as a banned thing, they are less likely to binge and that's certainly the case with my son. He's never got steaming drunk, knows how to regulate what he drinks and doesn't see the appeal of drinking in huge quantities.

Penny4UrThoughts · 31/08/2017 08:22

Annebronte can you please provide a citation for those statistics that you mention? Most of the stats I've seen on that issue are based on looking at under 13s, so it would be interesting to see the detail of something that has a broader focus.

I also think 15 is fine.

Legally, children can drink at home from age 5 and in a restaurant with a meal from 16 (but they can't buy it).

I don't think anyone is saying once they are 15, let them loose with absinthe and jaegerbombs, which is what some people seem to assume is what happens as soon as you let a teenager have a bottle of beer!

whiteroseredrose · 31/08/2017 08:25

We've offered wine/beer/cider with meals or on occasions since DC were about 12 or13. And have generally been turned down.

Even now DS who is 17 still says no thanks a lot of the time. He can take it or leave it. He's taken cider to parties over the past year though but isn't drunk when we pick him up.

No mystery or excitement about alcohol in our house. Just an everyday thing that sometimes you fancy, sometimes not!

ImDoingLaundry · 31/08/2017 08:30

I had a glass of wine with dinner on birthdays/Christmas and other celebrations from 14 plus. I think it's a good idea if managed well, teaches teenagers how to drink responsibly.
In my mid-twenties now and still tend to only drink on celebrations, or the odd glass of wine/prosecco with dinner.

ZanyMobster · 31/08/2017 08:36

From about 13, small amounts though of course.

ZanyMobster · 31/08/2017 08:37

Maybe a can of shandy from 11 or 12 (less than 1% alcohol)

thethoughtfox · 31/08/2017 08:44

This has been an education. Having the occasional drink at special occasions from 15 is starting to seem a reasonable idea ( I'm from a family where extended family have problems with alcohol so ti was seen as evil and scary in our house. Does anyone know from what age the French give little ones wine and water with dinner?

I have to say, though, I am alarmed at the parent giving their child spirits and the poster who gives a 10 year old a glass of champagne.

JustMumNowNotMe · 31/08/2017 08:45

Its a tiny glass of champagne , probably a mouthful, no need to be alarmed! Hmm

thethoughtfox · 31/08/2017 08:47

A mouthful is fine but a glass is quite different. The post said a glass.

CaptWentworth · 31/08/2017 08:52

It's actually legal for a 14 year old to drink wine or beer with a meal in a licensed restaurant.

If you ban it, you're putting it on a pedestal and teens will be doing it in secret without adult guidance. I say this as someone who remembers it well!

Oliversmumsarmy · 31/08/2017 08:55

I think if you have a family history of alcoholism then there could be a genetic factor and would not be encouraging dc to partake.

I always remember seeing a documentary on George Best. His mother was tee total till she was about 47 (I can't remember the ages precisely) and drank herself to death at around 53.

Joinourclub · 31/08/2017 08:56

I think 15 is reasonable. But just wine or beer. Spirits with fizzy drinks and alcopops taste too sugary/sweet and encourage over drinking imo.