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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what age you would let dc have a drink at home

158 replies

ohhereweareagain · 31/08/2017 06:48

Dh thinks 15 if there is a special occasion whilst I don't agree. I have no idea if I am being unreasonable as I don't drink. I grew up in a culture where drink wasn't much a part if it whilst his was very different

OP posts:
corythatwas · 31/08/2017 09:41

I reckon TestTube is spot on: there is no guaranteed way of making your teens abstemious.

BananaSandwichesEveryDay · 31/08/2017 09:47

We allowed our dcs to taste watered down wine from a young age - around six/seven - on special occasions. Neither dh nor I are huge drinkers, seriously, maybe a couple of bottles of wine and about half a dozen beers between us over a year. No objection to alcohol, just generally prefer a good coffee! We were happy to allow dcs to drink at home if they wanted. They are now adults. One is teetotal - doesn't like the taste and hasn't had a drink since he was around 14. The other goes out for a drink with friends and goes home after a couple because he finds it boring when his mates just want to get drunk.

Ironically, our house has a ridiculously well stocked drinks cabinet as well as several wine racks because people keep giving us alcohol and we never get around to drinking it!
So, or, I'd be happy to allow my DC to drink at home with us. It's a safe environment, and hopefully one where you can how that you don't have to be drunk to enjoy a drink.

Rikalaily · 31/08/2017 09:49

Ds is 15 and we give him a beer now and then to drink at home.

ragz134 · 31/08/2017 09:53

Our local pub was selling us cider (a can, to share) at 13/14, my parents gave me hooch on my 13th birthday (however they also gave me cocaine at 15 so...) I never really was a massive drinker, but mostly because by 15 drugs were more appealing than alcohol and often cheaper! All were normalised in my chaotic home. However, I never did any of it to excess, which my more restricted friends did.

DH was allowed to drink at home around 14/15 but had to brew his own! That worked quite well apparently as he had to work for it!

dolcezza99 · 31/08/2017 09:55

Nobody needs to drink. Giving it to children is ridiculous.

Caprianna · 31/08/2017 09:56

I reckon KarateKid is spot on in her post

NoWittyNamesAvailable · 31/08/2017 10:09

I think 14/15 is a suitable age for certain alcoholic drinks, wine, lager/beer, alcopops. Maybe 1o/11 for a wine spritzer or a shandy on special occasions.

My parents allowed us to have a small glass of shandy from about 8 years old with christmas dinner, it would be very very weak, literally enough to just give the taste with lots of lemonade. Made us feel like we were grown up. We were brought up around responsible drinking, learning your limits and the most important rule we had was "If you don't want it, don't drink it. Pour it down the sink." This enabled us to learn to say no and not continue drinking for the sake of it/because you had started it. It's what i will teach my children, although how im not sure as im teetotal now and oh doesn't drink very often at all.

m4rdybum · 31/08/2017 10:14

I grew up with a mother who was very relaxed about us drinking she was an alcoholic towards my mid teens and still is

Started with letting me and my sister have a Babycham or Snowball at Christmas, when I was around 10. Progressed to buying alchopops if I had friends over for a sleepover from the age of 13 and I even vaguely remember around that time playing a game of shots with my mum and step dad Hmm

Between the ages of 14 and 16 there were lots of house parties and drinking in the park with my friends at the weekend. We would have one of our parents buy me and my friend a bottle of Malibu, a bottle of Peach Schnapps and a bottle of a cocktail.

They knew we would drink all of this, straight, in one night

Went a bit wild in Uni, but now very rarely get drunk (seriously, only about twice a year). I drink a few glasses of wine maybe once a month, coinciding with visits to PIL's house.

This lax attitude has changed my attitude to alcohol now and made me warier - but I can't say if it would have been bad for me if alcohol had been restricted.

It really depends on the person.

Ttbb · 31/08/2017 10:18

On special occasions that seems fine. York ately I don't think it reall matters very much

Decaffstilltastesweird · 31/08/2017 10:29

Like karate, I'd say role modelling healthy behaviour around alcohol is more important than deliberately offering alcohol earlier. If you do the latter without the former, I don't imagine that would be beneficial at all.

My mum was an alcoholic and died prematurely as a result. Her mum is a very religious Baptist woman who has been more or less teetotal her entire life (a glass of something at Xmas). Her dad wasn't a big drinker either (he wouldn't have been allowed to be)! My granny is ace, don't get me wrong. I do sometimes wonder if the forbidden fruit thing came into it with my mum, although there is a genetic link too, (mum's uncle and grandfather were alcoholics too).

Bluntness100 · 31/08/2017 10:31

The younger you are when you first experience alcohol (even small amounts), the more likely you are to have problems with alcohol as an adult

I'd also like a link to the stats behind this. If you look at the Mediterannean etc, then children having watered down wine with their meals from a very very early age is common and there is much less issue with teens binge drinking alcohol there than there is in the uk, where it's not the norm to integrate a glass of wine with main meals.

AlexanderHamilton · 31/08/2017 10:34

I think Dd was about 12-13 when she started having a small amount of wine mixed with lemonade right orange juice. She's now 15 & has a small glass with Sunday lunch & the occasional sip of g &at when she mixes dh's for him.

Ds is 13 & has no interest in trying alcohol at all.

Caprianna · 31/08/2017 10:40

I don't know what the med countries are always referred to as people drinking sensibly. There are lots of alcohol related deaths and illnesses in countries like France and Italy too.

Oliversmumsarmy · 31/08/2017 10:43

Justmumnownotme* we are referring to the British culture not what happens in Italy or France.

The vodka in the park people are away at college and are in private rental flats around the area. No parents in sight.

Whilst France and other European countries might look OK in giving children watered down wine at a young age but their levels of alcoholism are huge. Whilst it might look like the sophisticated way to be long term it isn't.

I would like to add I know a few of the parents whose teens are "necking vodka" and they will talk about how their children don't really drink because they have taught them how to handle alcohol and how DD will become an alcoholic because I haven't introduced her to alcohol.
One day I might just let rip.

corythatwas · 31/08/2017 10:43

Bluntness, my understanding is that these studies were from countries with a similar drinking culture (and similar types of drink) to the UK (I have seen studies from US and Australia quoted, not sure if there are UK ones), so probably more relevant than very different Mediterranean cultures.

Ime whether you drink heavily in a teen environment is less to do with your general attitude towards alcohol and more to do with your ability and desire to stand up against peer pressure. Peer pressure isn't going to change just because you've been given watered down wine in childhood.

As a Swede, I have heard countless suggestions that if we were only less uptight about alcohol, the country would become like Italy or Spain in its drinking culture. Nobody seems to consider the fact that the local aquavit is not the same as Rioja, or that current alcohol restrictions are the direct result of a nation that was drinking itself to death on the local aquavit.

PinkHeart5911 · 31/08/2017 10:46

15 is reasonable imo for 1 glass of wine/champagne or a can of beer, to everyday but now and them if they want it

corythatwas · 31/08/2017 10:51

And Caprianna and Oliversmum have a point about alcoholism in France and Italy: it may look less anti-social but still takes a huge toll on national health. According to a ranking table I just found, France is on place 19 in the world for alcohol-related deaths, the UK on place 59. Italy and Spain are lower down, though. The top countries do not all have restrictive alcohol policies nor do they all have high poverty rates: their common feature is that they drink grain rather than grape.

PollyFlint · 31/08/2017 11:06

Nobody needs to drink.

dolcezza99 Of course they don't, but we don't 'need' to do a lot of things. We don't need to wear clothes that aren't hessian sacks, paint our walls any colour other than white, eat food that tastes nice, take holidays, listen to music, dance, read fiction, keep pets or do anything else that has no purpose other than pleasure. But we still do them because sometimes it's nice to do things purely because we enjoy them.

Nobody is saying you have to drink alcohol if you don't want to but - like it or not - alcohol is a big part of European culture. There are no European countries where being teetotal is standard. So for that reason I think it's useful for people to acclimatise to that.

Getting back to the OP's question, I'd say 14 or 15 is fine for the occasional bottle of beer or glass of wine at home with a meal. I was definitely having the odd drink at home with family or for special occasions from that age onwards. I didn't drink much at all outside of those occasions, though - neither of my two best friends touched a drop of booze until they went to university (because they didn't like it, not because their parents forbade it), so I didn't drink at their houses and we didn't go to the pub very often.

The only thing I would say that I wouldn't offer a teenager sweet, sugary alcopops like WKD, Smirnoff Ice etc. Beer and wine are acquired tastes that most kids don't actually like much at first, so they tend not to knock them back and drink moderately until they actually genuinely like them. I'd rather they had to actually think about what they were drinking rather than be able to thoughtlessly drink them like soft drinks with being particularly aware of what they were drinking.

AylaBayla · 31/08/2017 11:20

Those sophisticated Europeans and their wine guzzling toddlers... behind offered alcohol at a young age is NOT why those warmer european countries don't have a binge drinking culture. There are many social factors at work. It's nothing to do with being given a bucks fizz before nap-time. In places like France and Italy, alcohol generally accompanies food. They don't go out to bars just to drink. Being drunk isn't lauded and celebrated like it is here - across all age groups. People don't find it cool or funny, but a bit lame and hopeless to be publicly drunk.

Teens in the UK drink because we have a pub culture. A culture of getting wasted that just isn't a pastime for their southern european peers.

chips4teaplease · 31/08/2017 11:27

The younger you are when you first experience alcohol (even small amounts), the more likely you are to have problems with alcohol as an adult
Bollocks. Everyone in my family tasted alcohol on or before the age of five and not one of us is a drinker.

dolcezza99 · 31/08/2017 11:29

dolcezza99 Of course they don't, but we don't 'need' to do a lot of things. We don't need to wear clothes that aren't hessian sacks, paint our walls any colour other than white, eat food that tastes nice, take holidays, listen to music, dance, read fiction, keep pets or do anything else that has no purpose other than pleasure. But we still do them because sometimes it's nice to do things purely because we enjoy them

None of those things you mention are drugs. Alcohol is. And you're condoning doing it for pleasure and giving it to children. Ridiculous.

Caprianna · 31/08/2017 11:29

Alcohol at 5? As in a sip from an adults glass?

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 31/08/2017 11:39

Im still Shock at ragz post

newmumwithquestions · 31/08/2017 11:45

Alcohol was forbidden fruit in our house, I started drinking regularly at 13.

It's an impossibly hard balance but I'm going to aim for small amounts of weak alcohol (eg watered down wine) in an environment where teens are treated as young adults so slightly less likely to rebel (yes I know that's easier said than done). I think that's the least likely to send them off the rails.

BeALert · 31/08/2017 12:07

My 16yo has not had any alcohol at home but did have some wine on holiday in Europe. We are in the US.

She doesn't go to parties where teens drink alcohol. She doesn't drink it with friends out of the house.

I'm in no hurry really. If she asks I'll let her but she's not interested.

Definitely a cultural difference, although having said that some kids here get drunk from young, but it's not the norm like in the UK.

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