AIBU - to feel unsupported in my feminist beliefs in the playground

[Goldiloz]

I feel like this is the straw that broke the camels back.
I don't understand why mothers aren't supporting women's rights at primary school. Surely most sane people think that girls should be given the same opportunities as boys. We shouldn't pigeon hole 50% of the population just because they will grow up to have boobs and maybe pop out a kid or two. I feel like I am fighting a losing battle listening to some of the other mums in the playground.
It ranges from presents at birthday parties. The 'norm' seems to be buying girls creative/pink stuff unless they are a 'Tom boy' when they can get 'boy' stuff instead. And boys are only given sports and superhero stuff.
And party bags! Separate ones for boys and girls????
I just don't understand why women fail to see the issue with this and continue to justify it with generalised comments about 'most boys' and 'most girls'.
AIBU to expect more from modern women?

I'm intrigued to know the science behind girls natural affinity with pink.

It's a self fulfilling prophecy. We're designed to function in groups so a large part of child development is conforming to the group norms, and as adults treat boys and girls differently, even in babyhood, that leads to different behaviours in toddlerhood. Being social beings toddlers learn to conform with their peers, and when their peers like pink, they do too...

So it's not an issue for Fathers then?

That's very, very good 😂

Disappointing responses OP. I am with you, all those saying that that is what the children choose, well, there is plenty of evidence to suggest that these choices are absolutely a result of social conditioning.

So it's not an issue for Fathers then?

Good point!

Live and let live.

My kids are really close in age had access to age appropriate girl toys and boy toys all their life. He is obsessed with guns she's obsessed with dolls and princesses. He will play with her princess castle if the fancy takes him and she'll have a dabble with the superheroes we leave them to it. But if he opened a birthday present to find make your own fairy wings I doubt he'd be able to disguise his disgust! Stop making everything a mission OP. I'm not a feminist, I treat everyone the same and expect same back! I agree with muchomo you found hard work.

feminazis are you deliberately using the persona of a daily mail journalist for any particular reason Stilldriving

I'm with you OP . I also blame the shops for dividing the toys so you feel you're buying a boys or a girls toy as well as the toy makers for their God awful packaging.
It may seem petty, but all of these little petty things build up (alongside media, advertising etc) and pigeon hole children and eventually adults into stereotypes.
I don't think you can change peoples minds though, and they will just be insulted if you mention it.

It IS an issue for fathers, of course, and we could have a lovely debate about why (in general) there are far less fathers at the school gates or organising party bags

I am Spartacus and a feminist, although not a feminazi really? Feminazi?? How 1990s

Why are you in the playground doing the pick up? Why aren't you setting an example to the female pupils by being in full time work, ideally running a global corporation? After all you wouldn't want them to think their education will be worthless because they'll grow boobs and might pop out a child or two.

(This is meant to be goadily tongue in cheek btw.)

I'm one of the most feminist people I know and I loved barbies and pink glittery stuff as a child.

You will get hundreds of people now telling you how their DC naturally prefer stereotypical girl or boy things and that has nothing to do with the way that they were brought up. I was sent this misses the point, that it is ingrained in our society so much that even if as parents we avoid those stereotypes, by the time the kids reach school I have complete picked up on it.

I kind of agree with you but despair of it ever changing. A very close friend asked me what my DD wanted for her birthday from her son: A spiderman something was my DD's choice. Despite asking and me responding, she still then gave her a pink crafty toy that my DD will never use! Why ask in the first place if you're going to ignore it!

Sadly my DD is now spouting 'girls can't do x, and only boys can do y' which I fight on a weekly basis. And yet, she would still choose her superhero t-shirts before any others but I can see she is becoming conflicted over what societies 'expectations' are and what she actually wants. And I do believe it is coming from the school playground unfortunately. And if I gently challenge gender stereotypes in the playground, I get told I am being 'precious' (usually by the mothers of boys....)

Feminazis is a horrible term.

Equating a movement that is about trying to free women and girls from oppression with a party who were responsible for genocide is a) ridiculous and b) offensive.

Don't despair, OP. Gender stereotyping is pervasive and you have to work really hard to try and even it up even a little. Keep doing your bit.

I was taking the piss Titchy. I know it's social conditioning that creates a pink/ blue preference in some children but that poster was staying it as though it was a written in stone predisposition to a colour based on sex.
My underlying point was that we, as a society, can change the conditions that we raise our children in, should we choose to, and that this would thereby change the social norms.

@shivermytimbers

Read the thread, others have used it - any reason why your directing your antagonism to me?

Fair point Stilldriving. You have indeed got some daily mail buddies on the thread

Is it OK to punch a Feminazi?

WTF?

I'm not a feminist, I treat everyone the same

Threenme why aren't you a feminist? Isn't treating all people the same the key to what feminism is about?

It does seem to have got a bit worse in the last couple of years. Fairy dresses, pink toys. But it's always been a bit this way. But hey ho who cares. I don't want to wear a suit and tie thanks.

Of course it's not an issue for fathers. Do you really think the majority of men spend a microsecond analysing childrens' party bags? They would chuck in a balloon, a bag of sweets and a bit of cake and call it done.

My DH did party bags on quite a few occasions. He certainly never agonised over them!

It has got a LOT worse in the last 10+ years.