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Original poster

To be annoyed that they can't see we're happy

133 replies

SentientCushion · 28/08/2017 13:13

So I've just come back from a family wedding, it was beautiful and the day was perfect for the couple. It was on a very posh estate as the grooms family is ludicrously wealthy and the brides family is also much much wealthier than us. I am very happy for them, they are nice people and I don't begrudge them anything.

However during the day I started to get really annoyed by the comments from some family members about our life choices, me and dh value quality of life over wealth and have decided that we are happy to live in a cheap part of the country and have jobs that we enjoy and aren't stressful so we can have a pretty low stress existence. We have a small but perfectly average house, and I love it.
I was brought up on a council estate and I never thought in a million years I'd be able to buy my own house, I feel so wealthy because I don't have to stress about bills and I can buy what I like in the supermarket. I am really content and I have no desire to get a better house or car or whatever I'm supposed to want.
I am confident in my life choices and I consider myself incredibly lucky to live the way we do.
But it became very clear that we are considered the 'poor relations', every conversation seemed to be about what everyone's job was, how their businesses were doing, how many employees they had etc.
One of my husbands uncles pointed to a man in the crowd and told him to 'not give up hope' because this man works in the same field as my husband and is now a millionaire.
I can't count the amount of conversations I had when I said what my business was where the person started giving me unsolicited and also wrong advice on how to grow it and make more money.
Whenever I said 'but I'm happy with my life and business' it fell on deaf ears.
It really wound me up and by the end of the night I was starting to feel quite upset because they obviously look down on us and I hadn't even realised! It also came out that they call us Spike and Daisy from the film Notting Hill behind our back as a cute pet name, which they thought we'd think was a compliment!!!

I can normally just brush things like this off but for some reason I came away feeling really bruised.

OP posts:
lidoshuffle · 28/08/2017 13:18

It sounds as if you have discovered the secret of happiness and are very blessed. I've never wanted to be a high flyer myself, a medium flyer with a nice little house, a bit of money in the bank and nil stress is the way to go for me too!

reallybadidea · 28/08/2017 13:19

You didn't actually go the Tory party conference by mistake did you?! Wink

Seriously though, they sound awful. And really, really dull.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 28/08/2017 13:19

Unfortunately money and all the trappings it brings is currently what the majority of people aspire to.

It feels like there is hope that the tide is turning, minimalism, work-life balance etc are becoming more widely talked about in the mainstream media.

However you are way ahead of that curve but IMO should be hugely proud of that! Good for you that you're happy with your life choices - I suspect you're in the minority.

I also suspect that your family might feel quite in awe of that fact and found it quite thought provoking!

Don't feel bruised, feel mega proud.

ShoesHaveSouls · 28/08/2017 13:20

YANBU - people like that are materialistic, and dicks. They think everyone thinks the same way they do.

My SIL (DH's sis) is the same, talks about money all the time. She once asked DH how much he earns (in a 'do you mind if I ask...? type way) and when he told her, apparently she was mortified, (DH said she just stared at him open-mouthed) because it was (much) more than her DH earns. We're not flashy or materialistic though.

Spike and Daisy are lovely characters - certainly happy. But coming from them it's not a real compliment.

friendlessme · 28/08/2017 13:21

If you are happy, who cares what anyone else thinks! I work amongst many wealthy families and many of them are not that happy as they hardly see each other. It's about priorities isn't it. If you have found a formula that works for you do t spoil your happiness by dwelling on it.

lidoshuffle · 28/08/2017 13:24

The more money you have, unless we're were talking billions, just gets you more of the same thing - bigger house, bigger car, more exclusive holidays etc. It doesn't actually get you anything different, but comes at a huge cost of stress and keeping up with the Jones-Smyths.

Original poster
SentientCushion · 28/08/2017 13:25

I'm not going to lose sleep over it but my ego feels a bit battered as it's so at odds with the image of myself I have in my head.

OP posts:
Original poster
SentientCushion · 28/08/2017 13:26

Also Daisy is a lovely character but she's a by dim and harmless whereas in my head I'm a glamorous powerhouse lol

OP posts:
ShoesHaveSouls · 28/08/2017 13:27

I often think of that little known Marilyn Monroe quote as well.

Her agent was arguing with her about a contract, which would bring her in a load more money.

She said "I do not care about money. I just want to be wonderful."

And apparently left without signing it.

I also genuinely believe that money doesn't buy happiness - obviously you need enough not to have money worries - and that deep down, these people know that. Otherwise they wouldn't go on about it so much.

alltouchedout · 28/08/2017 13:28

But you are happy. That's worth more than any amount of money or status. I'd rather be you than them.

ShoesHaveSouls · 28/08/2017 13:31

Yes, it's the dim-ness of Daisy & Spike that makes it an insult. As if anyone without pots of money couldn't possibly be intelligent. I'm a bit of a 'Daisy' character myself - people often call me 'dizzy' and suchlike. But I went to grammar school and have a degree Confused DH is the high earner.

But I say don't let the bastards get you down. It sounds like you have a lovely life Smile

Original poster
SentientCushion · 28/08/2017 13:31

I think they're happy too. I don't think it comes from a place of malice or jealousy I think to them it's just the truth. They couldn't imagine themselves being happy with what we have so we mustn't be.

OP posts:
redexpat · 28/08/2017 13:35

They couldn't imagine themselves being happy with what we have so we mustn't be. You beat me to it!

JuicyCake · 28/08/2017 13:36

Same here. We don't exactly lead a Bohemian lifestyle, but we haven't followed the norm. Uni, career, house, wedding, kids... We both work in creative jobs, rent in the city, live hand to mouth.
We have a lot of fun, no real stress (except that we're paid by invoice!). It's quite alternative to what friends & family are doing with their lives. We have no ambitions for wealth.
I know that my parents would love to be able to join in with my aunties & uncles in talking about new houses / career milestones / babies / weddings (we eloped). But luckily they've always supported my choices.
And funnily enough, it's my friends / family who "have it all" that complain the most. And always want more!

user1489675144 · 28/08/2017 13:38

Some people measure success by the amount of money they have - they are not worth worrying about.

You are happy and that is so much more important than money...maybe one day they will realise that money can only do so much.

Feel pity for them and have a great life.

smellylittleorange · 28/08/2017 13:49

Weddings and family occasions tend to bring out the worst in some people. I used to get criticised for renting people couldn't understand how we were happy and it suited our lifestyle at the time .
I think you need to find your inner smugness in situations like these and let it go over your head Flowers

Maryhadalittlelamb12 · 28/08/2017 13:49

I am really content and I have no desire to get a better house or car or whatever I'm supposed to want.
I am confident in my life choices and I consider myself incredibly lucky to live the way we do.

Truly? Truly? Then.... if the above is true, why this post? Because the fact that you've had to post here, implies that the above is NOT 100% true.

Birdsgottafly · 28/08/2017 13:51

My DD's Inlaws are similar. One time they'd all met up and it was all about what car they drove/or were buying. My DD had, had enough so she had a couple of drinks and walked round singing "I've got a combine harvester", complete with dance moves.

One of his relatives often said that she's terrified of re-incarnation incase she comes back poor.

You can't let people get to you.

Birdsgottafly · 28/08/2017 13:56

Mary when you are in a room with people who are all criticising your choices, you come away doubting yourself.

When I worked in a Bank, I was miserable because of the people and their values who surrounded me.

I did question myself at times and that was when I knew I had to leave. I didn't want to become like the majority.

PeaFaceMcgee · 28/08/2017 13:59

I would feel bruised too. You have a legitimate right to feel surprised and hurt by their judgement of you.

It'll pass, but I'd find ongoing relationships hard now I know they don't understand (or even tried to understand) or accept us as we are.

They all seem awfully self-absorbed. Be grateful you're not them!

Original poster
SentientCushion · 28/08/2017 14:06

Mary, I am happy. But I can still be sad that they can't see that.

It's like if I was a perfectly normal size twelve, healthy and perfect bmi and happy with the way I looked, but a group of size 8's kept giving me diet tips and telling me it was ok because they know someone who lost all the weight.

OP posts:
SheSaidHeSaid · 28/08/2017 14:13

Jokes on them as they obviously see life as a competition and they're not getting the most out of it. They're all the more poor due to their attitudes.

Originalfoogirl · 28/08/2017 14:16

Truly? Truly? Then.... if the above is true, why this post? Because the fact that you've had to post here, implies that the above is NOT 100% true.

I agree with this. Nobody can make you feel something, unless there is a bit of you which doesn't feel that too.

If you are 100% happy with where you got to, what does it matter what the rest of the world thinks? Who cares if they see you as the poor relations? If you know you've done bloody well to get where you are, why would your ego have taken a hit when someone suggests you could have done better for yourself if only you had done something else?

Maybe you were happy with where you are, until you saw a dozen people who had done better with the same start as you?

If none of that applies, then forget what they said and just remember the lovely day you had.

Bluntness100 · 28/08/2017 14:17

I'm not sure of your dress size analogy there op. Are you saying you were happy and now based on their comments you're thinking maybe you shouldn't be?

Or did you think they would all be impressed with uou (glamorous powerhouse?) and now you e realised they see you as the poor, rather grungy, quirky relation it's upset you?

The reality is not many people are like you, where they wouldn't like more money or a nicer car, or a better house, or furnishings, or just even some extra holidays, to be so happy with their lot, when that lot isn't perceived by many as much, it is unusual, so you can see why they may assume you want more. I think all of us envy your attitude to life to be honest. So if you really are happy, then forget about it.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 28/08/2017 14:17

urgh, they sound awful. A job I enjoy, own house and enough not to worry about bills or count pennies in the supermarket sounds like a fantastic life to me.

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