To be annoyed that they can't see we're happy

[SentientCushion]

So I've just come back from a family wedding, it was beautiful and the day was perfect for the couple. It was on a very posh estate as the grooms family is ludicrously wealthy and the brides family is also much much wealthier than us. I am very happy for them, they are nice people and I don't begrudge them anything.

However during the day I started to get really annoyed by the comments from some family members about our life choices, me and dh value quality of life over wealth and have decided that we are happy to live in a cheap part of the country and have jobs that we enjoy and aren't stressful so we can have a pretty low stress existence. We have a small but perfectly average house, and I love it.
I was brought up on a council estate and I never thought in a million years I'd be able to buy my own house, I feel so wealthy because I don't have to stress about bills and I can buy what I like in the supermarket. I am really content and I have no desire to get a better house or car or whatever I'm supposed to want.
I am confident in my life choices and I consider myself incredibly lucky to live the way we do.
But it became very clear that we are considered the 'poor relations', every conversation seemed to be about what everyone's job was, how their businesses were doing, how many employees they had etc.
One of my husbands uncles pointed to a man in the crowd and told him to 'not give up hope' because this man works in the same field as my husband and is now a millionaire.
I can't count the amount of conversations I had when I said what my business was where the person started giving me unsolicited and also wrong advice on how to grow it and make more money.
Whenever I said 'but I'm happy with my life and business' it fell on deaf ears.
It really wound me up and by the end of the night I was starting to feel quite upset because they obviously look down on us and I hadn't even realised! It also came out that they call us Spike and Daisy from the film Notting Hill behind our back as a cute pet name, which they thought we'd think was a compliment!!!

I can normally just brush things like this off but for some reason I came away feeling really bruised.

Also where in my posts does it indicate that I'm not paying my way in the world? As a small business owner I pay my fair share of tax.

Still sounding awfully defensive for someone who is truly happy with their lot. Laugh it off!

I don't mix with people like that. The well off people I know would never speak like that. We all make different choices. I am quite well off myself but not materialistic and I know that happiness does not have a huge lot to do with money and more about state of mind, what you eat, getting enough sleep , good foods etc.

mooching FFS, goady fucker.

OP, I totally see where you are coming from, however you are wrong about feelings.
You are in control of how you feel, not others.
If you are happy laugh it off. These people are obviously not going to see your pov that's why they think the way they do.
Think it through and believe me your feelings will change for the positive.
Do you want to be like them, with their lifestyle? No, then you have made the right decision in your lifestyle choice.

Bluntness100
The reality is not many people are like you…

Truly? Truly? That’s a hell of an assumption there. True of the Home Counties maybe.

I know loads of people who have realised that money does not equal happiness. I think the Beatles may have written a song about it.

This ailment of the western world is called Affluenza. There’s a good book on it called…

Affluenza.

If you view it on Amazon, I’ll warn you now that there are some VERY bitter people condemning it in their reviews. I wonder what they’re suffering from.

And, OP, don’t let the goady affluenza sufferers on here wind you up with their ‘don’t believe you’ posts. That could well be jealousy…

Hmm, DH and I have worked pretty hard for the last 17 years building up our business. However we now have enough capital to live a modest lifestyle for the rest of our days. So we have packed the business in and retired in our early 50s.

The number of people who simply cannot get their heads round this has frankly astounded me. It's like some people believe it is some sort of moral failing to not accumulate the most wealth that you can. Even close friends and family think we are bonkers. We just feel that as long as we have enough, then we would rather spend our lives doing things that make us happy.

This is not about money. That's a red herring. It's about nosy people behaving rudely in public.

YANBU and you did well not to tell anyone to naff off and mind their own business.

Thanks notcoolmum that's exactly what it is.

I am treated as the poor relation in my family as well and i am not as together over it as you sound so hats off to you !
Over the years my parents and siblings have made regular digs about the area we live in and have openly said they would not live there themselves. They judge a lot on material things and over the years it has really dragged me down .
Now with a bit of hindsight i have let it go a bit as despite our supposedly lowly lifestyle we have raised 3 lovely kids who have not given us a jot of trouble and we are happy with our lot. We have everything we need and a good lifestyle and have gone on to foster and adopt which has been an added joy. We are in good health and honestly i feel v blessed !
What more could i want or need ?
Ignore them op. You are v wise imo x

That's lovely flapjack and very helpful. These are not my direct relations and are actually my husbands family so I wonder if I'm feeling it because I'm not used to it as well.

Nothing freaks competitive people out more than someone who isn't interested in competing with them. Being able to recognise "enough" when you have it is the secret to happiness, lots of people never get it. Pity them.

Fuck them!! You win x

They are jealous as they know you have found true happiness.
I am of the same values as you and am happy you are living life your way without chasing the next holiday, big house or car.

Live for you, not anybody else.

They are just one group of people you were unfortunate enough to spend the day with, there are tons of others who would agree with you and encourage your choice. X

Op. Are you maybe a little envious, defensive and over sensitive?

If I was sitting in a beautiful estate home for a wedding , and someone said " God wouldn't you want to live here, it's so beautiful, can you imagine" my reaction would not be " well no because I don't want to do the work to earn it and I love my house" it would be " shit, yes, it is gorgeous" because it's kind of what people say. If someone responded as you did I'd think chip/shoulder. The question is not a dig at your home, it's a compliment to the home you were sitting in.

The more you post the more I wonder if this is really all about them being snobby bastards or maybe there is a little of you being overly sensitive, envious, defensive about your life style choices as well in there. I'm also sure every single guest wasn't a hedge fund manager, but you seem to keep going on about it, which maybe reinforces the fact you're being defensive and possibly that's making you take their comments the wrong way?

It's just a totally different world, op. They see you as some sort of strange anthropology display. Their way is the only way and they don't understand why you're happy as you are. This is the class system in action - and this is why reduced social mobility is a huge issue.

And I disagree with the people telling you that you can't be annoyed about this. A load of people criticising you is going to make you feel a bit WTF, regardless of how secure you are.

Sentient my post asking why do the others have to be unhappy wasn't targeted at you. I was responding to an earlier poster who was projecting lots of issues on to the other guests. I'm just such a slow typer that you had posted by the time mine appeared.

Yes but were they criticising her? Asking if you'd want to live in a beautiful house you're sitting in isn't criticism. The saying "don't lose hope look at him", is maybe but it could also be seen as more insensitive in that the man who said it thought the op would want to grow her business, its just rather crass.

I can see though if they are seen as the movie characters where as she sees herself as a glamours power house could be upsetting though. Seeing yourself through others eyes isn't pleasant. However in other social circles the op would be seen as widely successful. It's all about perspective really.

I think they're happy too. I don't think it comes from a place of malice or jealousy I think to them it's just the truth

Are you absolutely sure about that? You see, IME genuinely happy people don't need validation from attempting to make someone else feel small; they might not share the same values but quite appreciate that we can all be contented in our different ways

Personally I'd have said some of those remarks went well beyond simple comments about how nice everything was, but if they want to be snippy that's their outlook ... happily, they can't dent your understandable enjoyment of your own lovely sounding life

I know what you mean, its spiteful. I have a relative and his wife who sneer at many people. Eg they met another relative who was dismissed 'because he lives in a two up two down.'

Meanwhile the the sneery ones get their money from - how shall I put it - from less than legal means.

No it's not a criticism to say the house you are in is beautiful, and I said it many times in the evening, it WAS beautiful and I am genuinely happy for them to have it. It was the fact that my Fil was directly comparing things to what we have, 'can you imagine having this amazing water feature rather than your pond?'
Instead of just saying 'isn't this a beautiful water feature'
I also think I could have shaken that off but it was everything together, it seemed to come from every angle and I don't think it was meant as a criticism more a 'of course you want more because you have so little' like I say it's not malice it's more just fact in their eyes and I think that's why I'm finding it so sad. If it was malice I could just dismiss them as dicks.
The head cocked to the side and asking when I was going to franchise my business, the cluck of their tongue when they ask how many hours I work. (I mean who does that?)
And if it had been one then I would shake it off but it was ALL night.

And of course they aren't all hedge fund managers, that was an example of one profession that I mentioned twice. In reality most of them work for the family business which I'm not going to say what it is because it would be too outing but it's a similar job.

I don't really see myself as a glamorous powerhouse that was tongue in cheek but I certainly don't see myself as a 'nice but dim' character.

My DH and I were talking about this the other day.

We live in Scotland, we earn £62,000k between us. We live in a terraced house with a really small mortgage, drive a decent car and can afford luxuries. Where we differ is that I'm like you (to a certain extent) and my husband is desperate to climb up the property and career ladder.

Just ignore them

My values ARE different to theirs Good for you. You sound a little bit.. I can't put my finger on it.