To be annoyed that they can't see we're happy

[SentientCushion]

So I've just come back from a family wedding, it was beautiful and the day was perfect for the couple. It was on a very posh estate as the grooms family is ludicrously wealthy and the brides family is also much much wealthier than us. I am very happy for them, they are nice people and I don't begrudge them anything.

However during the day I started to get really annoyed by the comments from some family members about our life choices, me and dh value quality of life over wealth and have decided that we are happy to live in a cheap part of the country and have jobs that we enjoy and aren't stressful so we can have a pretty low stress existence. We have a small but perfectly average house, and I love it.
I was brought up on a council estate and I never thought in a million years I'd be able to buy my own house, I feel so wealthy because I don't have to stress about bills and I can buy what I like in the supermarket. I am really content and I have no desire to get a better house or car or whatever I'm supposed to want.
I am confident in my life choices and I consider myself incredibly lucky to live the way we do.
But it became very clear that we are considered the 'poor relations', every conversation seemed to be about what everyone's job was, how their businesses were doing, how many employees they had etc.
One of my husbands uncles pointed to a man in the crowd and told him to 'not give up hope' because this man works in the same field as my husband and is now a millionaire.
I can't count the amount of conversations I had when I said what my business was where the person started giving me unsolicited and also wrong advice on how to grow it and make more money.
Whenever I said 'but I'm happy with my life and business' it fell on deaf ears.
It really wound me up and by the end of the night I was starting to feel quite upset because they obviously look down on us and I hadn't even realised! It also came out that they call us Spike and Daisy from the film Notting Hill behind our back as a cute pet name, which they thought we'd think was a compliment!!!

I can normally just brush things like this off but for some reason I came away feeling really bruised.

Alain De Bottom's book "Status Anxiety" is an excellent piece of work on this subject

Yes they were telling me to do more hours!

I have a business that I've been running for 6 years, I offer a service that people only really want at certain times in the day. In the beginning I used to work lots of hours as I needed to set up systems and market the hell out of my business to get customers. Now it's mostly word of mouth so I don't need to do that and my systems are automated so I just need to actually deliver the service (which is actually a lot of work in itself) I burnt out about two years ago because I was trying to do too many of these and therefore scaled back so now I only do it at peak times.
I could hire someone to deliver the service but I don't want to be a manager, I went into the business because I LOVE doing it and don't want the hassle of dealing with being a boss, I could franchise my business but it would be the same issue.

I am actually quite sensitive about this because I think there is a part of me that feels really guilty for not doing more because I was taught that life needs to be a struggle but surely this is part of being self employed that you have to learn the discipline of stopping too.

I've worked really hard to get over a persistent feeling of no matter how hard I work it not being good enough and I think they've pushed my buttons.

OP - read this story - which exactly illustrates why you are right and they are wrong

bemorewithless.com/the-story-of-the-mexican-fisherman/

it is a well known business lesson, and one we talk through with all our clients to establish why they are setting out as they are - if someone's happiness comes from travelling the world and doing so by private jet, then yes, they need to up their game and make the money - if on the other hand (as for many people), it comes from simpler things and their job is mainly to put bread on the table and a roof over their head, then often a better work-life balance can make sense...

totally get where you are and well done for taking the route you have in today's world...

It says more about them than it does about you.

Peace of mind and leading a fulfilling life that you have consciously chosen is worth far more than status symbols and needing validation from others

Some people will just always tell you how to do your job/run your business. I have a relative who does this to EVERYBODY, be you surgeon or plumber or startup. He thinks he knows how everything works, ever, and is keen to tell anybody that will listen. It used to give me the rage, now I just nod and smile and tune out.
I think you also get this more if you run your own business - how to market, what business cards to get etc, I get it because I'm also self-employed. However it's difficult to say "actually no, that's a shit idea. I'm not going to do that because that's not where my customers come from/it doesn't work or simply I don't want to work that way" unfortunately!!

I was explaining an issue I had with something totally unrelated the other day and someone said to me "What YOU need is for both you and DH to get full time jobs!" as if they were giving me the precious gift of the meaning of life!!

No, ideally life shouldn't be a struggle!

You've worked hard to establish your business, and now you are reaping the rewards exactly as you should be.

Having a good work-life balance is absolutely an appropriate way to take that reward! Increasing earnings (at the cost of extra work) would also be an appropriate path if that was what you wanted. It's entirely personal choice. I would say you're lucky to have that choice, but it's not luck. You've made that happen. Only you. So enjoy it!

You've clearly thought through different options for expanding your business - and you have made an active choice that it would decrease rather than increase your happiness. Trust yourself!

Contentment is rare , and some people are unfortunate enough to not have it, and not be able to recognise it. It is not complacency, as there is always room for ambition if you keep it under control, but just simply the ability to be happy with what you have, grateful for it, and not driven by jealousy or cravings for anything that would bring stress, debt and unhappiness into your life. How lovely to read how you feel about your situation and good luck to you. I really do believe that you can be happy only when you recognise that the best things in life aren't things.

I suspect people who always talk about money, and value it above all else, are generally unhappy with their lives. They use money(and talking about it!) to fill the void they feel. I totally get what you mean about being "bruised" by it though, DH works in finance in Canary Wharf, and if I spend time in that world I also feel that way. Remind yourself of your life choices, and why you have made those choices, the "bruise" will fade, you will still be happy with your life and they will still have their obsession with money to keep them warm at night!

Some people are so poor, they just have money.

That quote is shamelessly ripped off but it's excellent. I am with you though. Happiness is more important than money and things.

we all choose different paths..yours makes you happy. if people can't see that, that is their failing.

Sounds like their a real bunch of Arseholes!

Your fine as you are and prolly happier. I know some who have very serious amounts of money around the 200 - 500 million mark they never seem to be happy or content!.

OP - envy your contentment and work life balance. Ignore those giving unasked for advice - just live your life your way.

Good for you. They will learn what's important one day.
I worked and strived for years to become successful in my career. I'd like to say that was mostly to reach a level of excellence but it was only partly that. Mostly it was about gaining material wealth.
I am extremely fortunate and do have a lovely home and family but I now have some serious health problems. We're lucky my husband earns well so (for now) we are not in danger of losing our home.
But..... I sit here in my early 40s wondering where the hell my 20s and 30s went - I should have been living rather than planning to live a certain life when I had "enough". I would trade everything I have to be able to tell my 20 year old self exactly that.
Enjoy your life, which sounds lovely. Don't listen to negative comments. If you feel you must engage with people who don't respect your choices, simply tell them you're happy, your choices are deliberate and nobody needs to feel sorry for you or disappointed for you - you are exactly where you want to be in life which is really all any of us want.
God bless you.

Ignore the comments, being wealthy as they are won't make you happy forever, at least not everyone.
As long as you're happy with your life, marriage, job and home, that's all that matters. To them is just a competition of who earns the most and who has the biggest luxury. I'm glad you have found yourself in a happy comfortable life.

Also maybe they are jealous that you're happy the way you are and they are probably secretly unhappy.

I have lots of treats, a lovely if small house, a little car, a lovely dd and a husband who tries not to work all hours. Yet my IL have spent years trying to get us to have a bigger house or different jobs. They are very wealthy but miserable. Be smug that you know what life is really about.

People who are happy in their lives don't have to comment on others' lives. No offense but they may have money but they don't have class. They probably secretly envy you bc your time is spent being content and theirs is spent on emptiness and competion.

Ignore the smug sods. It's your lives.

As long as you have enough to do WHAT YOU WANT, that makes for happiness, which it sounds as though you have achieved. I suspect all these critics are dissatisfied with their own lives, so jealous of your contentment. Ignore them and get on with your happy life. I'm with you.

Op, I'm a bit jealous of you and your husband! ;)
You sound like you have life sussed.

It seems to be a really British ( English ? ) thing to be obsessed by what job you have, how much you earn etc
When in France it was lovely that people were interested in who I was, my interests, beliefs etc, it was such a stark contrast.

When your values go against the grain of what others believe, the majority who are stuck in their ways with completely different attitudes to your own will never understand in a million years.
That's fine, let them be who they are.
Stand strong with your own conviction, revisit all your values and convictions and see how they make you happy.
Works for me.

I had a bil like this once, used to look down on dh and always used to tell us what to do with our money and how to be successful like him
We were off grid then, living "The Good Life" it was that or lose the house as interest rates were bloody massive.
We were so happy and stress free, dsis and bil lost their house they had to young children at the time and ended up in b&b, they were awful times.

I get it, OP, it's hard not to feel hurt when you're belittled by those around you for your life choices. But you and your DP have clearly done very well and you're happy with where you are, and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

I don't think you're hurt because you are secretly dissatisfied with your life but you can't help but doubt yourself when you've spent the weekend being made to feel like the 'poor relations' or 'Spike and Daisy', now that is patronising. But how ridiculously superficial and snobby.

I think the OP probably just wanted to spend time here chatting with normal people who get where she's coming from, not a bunch of self-important millionaires looking down their noses at her.