AIBU to be angry and DP and friend wine session.

[Confusedandalone19]

I name changed and will try not to drop feed.

Me and DP have 2 kids combined.
We are child hood sweethearts but had a break in between.
Now eventually settled down together.

Friend was an old school friend of us both however was always more my friend of that makes sense.
As we have got older have become less close but still stay in contact.
( she is the eccentric, wild type )
I am currently in hospital with young DD and we are going through a really hard time as a whole unit.
So here is what happened yesteray.

I had both children at hospital with me until DP finished work at 10 pm and picked DSS up, they would not have got home until 10.45 ish.

I spoke to DP at just gone midnight every thing seemed fine nothing was mentioned about anyone being there.

This morning I woke up to a text message of my friend saying she was popped around last night but I wasn't in ( she knew I wasn't there as we have been in hospital over a week ) glad I got a chance to spend some time with ( my DP )
He was explaining how you really struggling emotionally at the minute and that things are tough followed with will replace your wine to !

I rand DP who explained she did knock last night and he welcomed her in She drunk too much wine and was asking questions and being really friendly.
She ended up sleeping on the sofa and left this morning.

I was more confused than anything I don't get

1. Why she turned up at my house at that time knowing I wasn't there

1. Why DP let her in.

1. Why they were drinking wine together

1. Why she didn't get a taxi home.

An hour ago I got a phone call from my best friend to ask if everything was ok as friend from last night had told her things seemed difficult between me and DP and that it was likely we would be seperating soon through the stress !

( this is the first I have heard about it, we get on fine )

Now DP can be a bit stupid and naive , he would do anything for anyone and genuinely is a bit of a push over at times.
His claim is....

She turned up at the door, she seemed down and asked for me, he explained I wasn't in and she asked to come in.
He allowed her in and they got talking and she helped her self to some wine and poured himself some to.
She got very drunk and they had a few emotinal conversations.
He offered to order her a taxi but she said she didn't feel save going alone early hours of the morning so asked to sleep on the sofa.

This sounds confusing I know !
I am mad at them both, not sure I should be though.

Shes not your friend. Really fucking shady. Especially after midnight knowing you were in hosp with yoir daughter :(

Pictish

Readf the whole thread!

We went to primary school and secondary school with each other.
I met said friend in secondary school.
Me and DP started dating in year 8 where his group of friends and mine then became mutual friends.

However obviously we are not in the same circle and they are no longer are close friends just people we still know / talk to.
She isn't a friend for instant that I would ask to be a bridesmaid !

Both of them crossed lines OP with their behaviour but your DP is by far the worst offender. I sadly don't buy the story of her sleeping on the sofa either, if they'd been chatting intimately.

I hope your DD gets better soon. This all sounds like hell, you need his support and not to be dealing with this crap. I'm furious on your behalf .

Your defending your DP whilst blaming your friend... He allowed this situation to escalate ...

she would not have been able to stay had he ..
not let her in..

not sharing wine together...
not listened to her heart broken drunken bullshit...
not spilled her heart and soul out to her ..
not telling her you're now practically separated...
not letting her sleep on the sofa...

He is to blame too... he HAS told her these things.. he has cheapened your relationship .. made it a gossips dream ...

I agree with Bluntness, I wouldn't have a problem with her coming riun, drinking wine, staying over or the talk they had. I would very much have a problem with him not telling me she was there when I rang (oh X is here a bit worse for wear after splitting up with Y, think I might put her on the sofa for the night..) or telling me in the morning. And I would very much have a problem with her telling friends we might be splitting up. They'd both have some serious explaining and apologising to do, and my alert sensor would have gone off.

She can only get up to something if he lets her!

So she turned up drunk at past 11pm asking for someone who she knew wasn't there.

And his answer is to let her in, drink with her, seemingly pour his heart out & let her stay the night

(Coming round, that should say!)

I am not defending him at all, I said up thread I was extremely hurt by him.
I can only give the side of what he is saying because I she hasn't engaged with me since this morning !.

She knew you wouldn't be there.
She turned up at your house after midnight, by which time the other dc would be fast asleep and your dp would be on his own.
She inveigled herself in and ended up staying till morning.
She then texts you at the crack of dawn to let you know she was in your house all night.
She also tells your other friend before 9am that you and your dp's relationship is on the rocks.

Hmm. She's up to something, isn't she?

I'm going to go against the grain here and say I really don't think anything suss happened.

She was drunk, it's likely she didn't remember that you weren't home
and she didn't think about how inappropriate it was to stay there. He was tired, thought he would chat to her for a bit 'cause she was drunk (and honestly probably thought she was a little pathetic too... drunk and sad), didn't want to be rude by telling her not to touch the wine and go home.

I think she realised when she woke up that she shouldn't be there, felt bad and sent you a text. Her drunk brain ran away with her in the morning remembering or misremembering conversations.

I would be thankful, in a way (but still hurt), that it happened. He got a chance to talk to someone and it opened the door for you guys to have a conversation about it.

Ok reading this back it all does seem strange but promise I am legit
My current view !

I'm just so confused, think I may just wait to tonight talk to him face to face so can at least see his expressions etc.

By the way does DP stand for husband or partner ?

I'd be absolutely raging...

OP I honestly think she's manufactured this whole situation - beware of believing a woman who has obviously instigated meeting up with, abusing your own home, putting herself upon your husband at your own home (really who would honestly turn away a drunk person that time of night with a woeful story) and then some shit about it wanting to go home ... seriously - she's manufactured him into a sticky and unpleasant situation and is now using this to stir shit and meddle with your family and relationship - she's a witch and you and your husband should stand united - good luck, she's a harlet!!

sykadelic - if she felt bad, why did she go gossiping about the OP’s relationship within a couple of hours of leaving the OP’s house?

OP - So she hasn’t responded to you since this morning? That’s interesting.
I wouldn’t message her again. I get the feeling she’s enjoying the shit stirring and was probably quite gleeful about telling you she’d been over at yours when you weren’t there. Disengage.

I'll bet she's just waiting for nuclear fall out between you and your husband because she has instigated it - she's trouble

Brazenhussy0, ooh, I see! So OP's partner had no idea it was past midnight and OP was in the hospital with her child? He also didn't realise it was shite to talk about an extremely personal matter with someone who is drunk and not even a friend of his?

He wasn't aware of any of this, but OP's friend was. That's why it's the woman's fault.

Troll () - perhaps she instigated the conversation and he gave short answers, the rest perhaps she's made up? Can't you see it's a really odd situation instigated by the other woman - my 'spidey ' sensors are working overtime .... and it's not the DH who is the arch enemy here!

Could be your DP didn't say anything until today because you're in hospital with a child and needed a decent night's sleep.

However, sounds to me like friend has realised this morning she's been inappropriate [and he's been daft for enabling it] and they've spoken about what they'd tell you this morning before DP called.

Can't get my head around her saying that your relationship's in trouble though. Even if DP's given her that impression why'd she go blabbing to someone else?

Troll I didn’t say it was exclusively the friend’s fault. I said she’s getting a harder time because she’s behaved in an extremely inappropriate and unfriendly way.

The DP isn’t blameless in this situation either – he was extremely inconsiderate to the OP’s feelings. But he didn’t do anything purposefully conniving (that we’ve established thus far anyway.)

To be honest, if one of my DP's friends turned up at our house late, upset and pissed, I'd probably let them in as well. Wouldn't let them crash on the couch though and certainly wouldn't be discussing intimate details of my relationship...

She sounds like a master manipulator.delete her from your life. I would give dp benefit of the doubt here but a frank discussion is needed about communication going forward.

She contacted you so early because she wanted to get her story in first.

She gossiped to the other friend so early (and told them your relationship is in trouble) because she knew the other friend would tell you straight away - so you would be led to believe that he confided in her during their nocturnal chit-chat.

She wanted to to get mad at your DP, think the worst, and refuse to believe his side of the story.

She wants to stir up trouble between you, doesn't she?

OP - is she attractive?

She couldn't have been that drunk sykadelic if the OPs DP allowed to to drink more when she got there. No decent person would serve alcohol (or allow them to take it) to a falling down don't know what's going on drunk person.

No, I think she knew what she was doing.