AIBU to be angry and DP and friend wine session.

[Confusedandalone19]

I name changed and will try not to drop feed.

Me and DP have 2 kids combined.
We are child hood sweethearts but had a break in between.
Now eventually settled down together.

Friend was an old school friend of us both however was always more my friend of that makes sense.
As we have got older have become less close but still stay in contact.
( she is the eccentric, wild type )
I am currently in hospital with young DD and we are going through a really hard time as a whole unit.
So here is what happened yesteray.

I had both children at hospital with me until DP finished work at 10 pm and picked DSS up, they would not have got home until 10.45 ish.

I spoke to DP at just gone midnight every thing seemed fine nothing was mentioned about anyone being there.

This morning I woke up to a text message of my friend saying she was popped around last night but I wasn't in ( she knew I wasn't there as we have been in hospital over a week ) glad I got a chance to spend some time with ( my DP )
He was explaining how you really struggling emotionally at the minute and that things are tough followed with will replace your wine to !

I rand DP who explained she did knock last night and he welcomed her in She drunk too much wine and was asking questions and being really friendly.
She ended up sleeping on the sofa and left this morning.

I was more confused than anything I don't get

1. Why she turned up at my house at that time knowing I wasn't there

1. Why DP let her in.

1. Why they were drinking wine together

1. Why she didn't get a taxi home.

An hour ago I got a phone call from my best friend to ask if everything was ok as friend from last night had told her things seemed difficult between me and DP and that it was likely we would be seperating soon through the stress !

( this is the first I have heard about it, we get on fine )

Now DP can be a bit stupid and naive , he would do anything for anyone and genuinely is a bit of a push over at times.
His claim is....

She turned up at the door, she seemed down and asked for me, he explained I wasn't in and she asked to come in.
He allowed her in and they got talking and she helped her self to some wine and poured himself some to.
She got very drunk and they had a few emotinal conversations.
He offered to order her a taxi but she said she didn't feel save going alone early hours of the morning so asked to sleep on the sofa.

This sounds confusing I know !
I am mad at them both, not sure I should be though.

I just don't see anything particularly unusual in this

You see nothing unusual in the fact the op phoned home and he was sitting drinking with her friend and he didn't mention it?

"you know I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you"

I really hate it when people use the old "oh it wasn't my intention to do xyz" bollocks. It's a classic get out clause.

He's even got you thinking he's super naive too. How clever of him. I bet he's a picture of head shaking, wide eyed innocence.

Bottom line is that they are both at fault. He shouldn't be revealing personal details of your life to her. I bet she was stroking his ego and he was lapping it up. They're both twats IMO.

Quite Trolls. No one can meddle in a marriage without a willing participant. I can honestly say that I wouldn't care if my husband spent the night in the same bed as my closest friends, which some may say is naive but trust me it's not. I just know that he would be a totally unwilling party to being cracked on to.

OP, you've had a shit time and I'm not surprised you are unhappy. You have my sympathy. Don't be too quick to judge him talking to someone else about it; having gone through a seriously traumatic loss I was incredibly upset that DH talked more to his sister about it than me, but then I figured I had my friends to offload to whereas men would generally feel awkward chatting about grief to their mates.

I'm not saying you are wrong to feel annoyed about this, but try and separate it from what happened with your pregnancy.

Don't make a drama out of it, just don't engage with her any more. She's not worth your headspace. Maybe get some joint counselling with your husband if you think he's worth the effort. Ultimately, do you trust him or not? No-one can drag a man into bed that doesn't want to be there. If you don't trust him, then ask yourself what's better; being on your own or analysing every conversation for lies.

His discussion of the trauma after wine and some questioning - I can see why that is hurtful but actually, it is much easier to talk about hurt with someone who isn't sharing that hurt. (You don't have to feel their pain as well as your own.)

He is saying she was already drunk when arrived and it was after midnight ( Tbf it was a Weekend night we live on a pretty busy London area known for bars )

So now I have his full side

Which was she turned up looking for me ( past midnight ) he had not long put DSS to bed.
She knocked on the door and told him she was wondering if she could talk to me as she had tried texting me but I never replied.
She seemed visibly drunk and said had an argument wither BF ( she tends to be in and out of relationships ) we are all still early / mid 20's ) he told her I wasn't home but that she could come in.

She's a nasty piece of work and no friend. At best he is a complete idiot, but tbh I'd suspect much worse.

but she KNEW you were in hospital!

did you receive her texts and not reply?

Your dp was late finishing work then hospital then home with child to get to bed he was probably to tired to think straight. Then your friend arrives drunk and apparently distraught over breakup. He is stuck between a rock and a hard place. Be a friend and let her talk or send her away.

I don't think for a second he thought "ooh I can have a bit on the side tonight"
Just talk it over op let him know what she did and why and kick her out your lives. She is awful and treated you like dirt.

All this angst over the woman! She knew exactly what she was doing behind ops back at a time when dhe and her oh are most vulnerable and need friends not opportunists.

If this was a thread about an actual affair then both would be at fault. A man isnt responsible for a woman making a play for him especially if he doesn't even know she is doing it.

Friends 'friend' did this. After spelling it out to him her dp wised up and was horrified. He just thought he was helping a friend out.

No text, first text was at 7.45 am this morning.
Then a message from my best friend at 9.30

Why did she go to yours when she knows you are dealing with a sick DD?

Actually that puts a different spin on it. If she turned up after you called and she was wrapped up in the argument and forgot you were in hospital. Then neither might have done something wrong...

What's wrong with her spending an evening having a drink with your dp?

She's no friend (especially with the gossiping) and he's at best stupid for not letting you know straight away you she was there.

I once HAD what I thought was a good friend (known for years) tell me she wouldn't think twice of trying it on with any DP I had. She said she'd do it to see if they were faithful and would be doing it for my benefit - she wasn't joking.

Erm bye bye - some days it can seem that every CF is out to get you, you don't need friends doing it as well. Cut contact with her Confused

Bluntness and Trolls, the reason everyone is coming down harder on the ‘friend’, is because she turned up at the OP's house drunk knowing OP was in hospital and that only her DP would be home. She used her ‘oh woe is me, I just need a shoulder to cry on’ nonsense to get her foot in the door and her nose into the OP’s relationship.
She then wasted no time telling another mutual friend about OP’s relationship and gossiping that it might be ending soon.

That is no friend. That is a woman out to stir trouble.

OP - You need to talk to your DP in person about this. He needs to know that this ‘friend’ of yours has been talking to other friends and speculating about your relationship since he had his little heart-to-heart with her.
What he did was stupid, inappropriate and inconsiderate.

She's attempting to create a drama in your relationship by texting you this morning and gossiping to your other friend. She's not your friend. Cut her out, cut her dead.

Warn your DP that the same will happen to him if he ever feels like pouring out his heart to one of your drunk friends again. Surely he has his own friends?

What's wrong with her spending an evening having a drink with your dp?

Because she's chatting that OP and DH are about to split up.

I think I was more shocked that I was told by someone else my relationship was over when I had no idea that was the actual case.
She also is not a friend that I would even expect to turn up at any point.
Say it was my other friend who is the closest thing I have to family.
I wouldn't even think twice about getting a bit drunk not being able to get home and turning up at mine.
I also know she would ring me though and he like I'm crashing on your sofa !

This is so confusing even I am confused ! Will speak to him tonight.

So she got pissed and turns up at yours knowing you're not there and fancied god knows I'd be done with her op

She turned up pissed at midnight, pictish, knowing the Op was in hospital with her daughter, knowing the partner was home.

I normally come down hard on the men in these threads but this time I'm coming down harder on your friend, OP. She's not a friend to you.

I'm interested in your DP being your friend for 20 years when you're in your early twenties - have you known him since junior school?

I think the fact that she says she texted you when she didn't shows her true intentions. She's a liar and she's spreading rumours about your relationship when you're at an extremely vulnerable point in your life. You need to go NC with her.

Yes so we met in nursery 😂😂obviously haven't been together that long !
But we grew up together.

Give her a call and tell her never to contact you or your man again. As dramatic as that sounds she is clearly up to something and waiting for the breakdown of your relationship. Let her know that your relationship only has space for two people - you and DP. With that, she should piss off and not bother about replacing the wine. What a cow.

And more mid twenties than early twenties 😂Maybe trying to hold on to my youth haha .... I'm 25.