AIBU to be angry and DP and friend wine session.

[Confusedandalone19]

I name changed and will try not to drop feed.

Me and DP have 2 kids combined.
We are child hood sweethearts but had a break in between.
Now eventually settled down together.

Friend was an old school friend of us both however was always more my friend of that makes sense.
As we have got older have become less close but still stay in contact.
( she is the eccentric, wild type )
I am currently in hospital with young DD and we are going through a really hard time as a whole unit.
So here is what happened yesteray.

I had both children at hospital with me until DP finished work at 10 pm and picked DSS up, they would not have got home until 10.45 ish.

I spoke to DP at just gone midnight every thing seemed fine nothing was mentioned about anyone being there.

This morning I woke up to a text message of my friend saying she was popped around last night but I wasn't in ( she knew I wasn't there as we have been in hospital over a week ) glad I got a chance to spend some time with ( my DP )
He was explaining how you really struggling emotionally at the minute and that things are tough followed with will replace your wine to !

I rand DP who explained she did knock last night and he welcomed her in She drunk too much wine and was asking questions and being really friendly.
She ended up sleeping on the sofa and left this morning.

I was more confused than anything I don't get

1. Why she turned up at my house at that time knowing I wasn't there
   

1. Why DP let her in.
   

1. Why they were drinking wine together
   

1. Why she didn't get a taxi home.
   

An hour ago I got a phone call from my best friend to ask if everything was ok as friend from last night had told her things seemed difficult between me and DP and that it was likely we would be seperating soon through the stress !

( this is the first I have heard about it, we get on fine )

Now DP can be a bit stupid and naive , he would do anything for anyone and genuinely is a bit of a push over at times.
His claim is....

She turned up at the door, she seemed down and asked for me, he explained I wasn't in and she asked to come in.
He allowed her in and they got talking and she helped her self to some wine and poured himself some to.
She got very drunk and they had a few emotinal conversations.
He offered to order her a taxi but she said she didn't feel save going alone early hours of the morning so asked to sleep on the sofa.

This sounds confusing I know !
I am mad at them both, not sure I should be though.

[Whinesalot]

Late to the party here but I believe dp.

Don't let her succeed driving a wedge between you. Perhaps be a bit more on your guard but until he does something else to make him untrustworthy, give him the benefit of the doubt.

[Namechangingshapeshifter]

personally I think the worst part of this is that your "friend" knows exactly what you are going through.....the stress of having a child in hospital and she still turned up at your house and then proceeded to shit stir with you and spread gossip around all your friends.
Regardless of what your partner did or didn't do she went round there with the intention of causing trouble. Perhaps she is jealous that you have such a strong relationship together and she can't hold down a man.
I would first cut her out of your life and make all of your friends aware and tell them not to discuss anything with her involving you or your partner.
Secondly I'd sit down and have a really good talk with your dp. I don't think he would have done anything with your son in the house. You know him best. I really wouldn't let this bitch get between you because it seems like that was her intention. I think your partner has probably been trying to hold everything together and support his family whilst maintaining a strong facade......when the opportunity to offload and talk landed in his lap he probably just spewed it all out and felt relieved to have had some one to talk to.
We all need people other than our partners to talk to so maybe establish trustworthy people he can do that with for future reference.

[Hanab]

It does make one wonder what happened next ... one gets so caught up in reading from the initial post and then wonders who what why when if but etc ... would be nice to get updates on all posts so we we can set our minds at ease 😂 It's the cons of social media I guess

[Willow2017]

Maybe op just wants to get on with her life without having to keep explaining herself to MN?

Thats really not an indication that her op has been unfaithful or otherwise.

[RaspberryOverload]

I wouldn't be too worried about the OP not returning, a friend of hers has been on here saying the OP has had sign in issues.

[2rebecca]

The OP hasn't returned which makes me suspect he had been unfaithful

[LoveDeathPrizes]

You've got to be such a bitch to do this - surely she has a reason! She sounds scorned.

[LoveDeathPrizes]

Consultation. Bloody lack of edit tools.

[LoveDeathPrizes]

And maybe I'm really naive, but do adults show up at each other's houses after midnight without prior consolation? Really? I maybe old before my time!

[2rebecca]

Completely agree. She was also a longstanding friend from school who the OP had been very close to and who the OP thought should know her movements well enough to know she was in hospital. This isn't a recent casual acquaintance. Something doesn't add up.

[LoveDeathPrizes]

I guess the thing I can't get my head around is - if nothing happened - that she didn't try it on. With this aftermath, I would expect DH to atleast report that she'd been to forward. If she wasn't, there where the hell has this come from?

[Sunbeam18]

The point is that the friend is not a trusted longstanding friend, as some people are suggesting

[Sallystyle]

The OP said ages ago that she'd pulled back from her friendship with this woman a while ago because she didn't like her behaviour. RTFT. The woman is not a trusted friend.

I don't know if this was aimed at me or not. If it was then I RTFT. OP didn't like her behaviour but she doesn't have form of meddling in people's marriages, especially not her friend's. Not liking her behaviour does not mean she has form for this kind of behaviour. If I managed to miss where her friend has form for coming onto her husband and shit stirring in this manner then I apologise in advance.

[Whereismumhiding2]

OP i think you have enough you on with your DC, to be second guessing this and it won't achieve anything right now. No-one can know really what happened other than the two people there.
I think you'd be better off deciding what you want to happen. If it is to believe DP, then go down that line, (it won't stop you keeping your eyes & ears open). You two talk openly and build your relationship stronger. Dont let this confused incident define your relationship. And let DP learn hugely from this, naive or not.

What is clear -that whether she is outright lying, exaggerrating, twisting things or something minor happened with your DP whilst you, her friend, were in hospital with DD , - she is no friend to you nor your family. And i imagine that very few of your friends will ever want contact with her if that is her character. I'd keep a dignified silence, other than telling a couple people (who will then tell close friends group) that her behaviour was inappropriate, as she turned up drunk at my house after midnight when she knew I was at DD's hospital bedside and only DP & DS were in, insisted on sleeping on sofa, & is trying to make something of it.

The red flag for me would be if DP stayed in touch with her in any way. Or started being secretive, locking phones, disappearing unexplained, etc Time has a way of things coming to light or something feeling off. If they don't, then that would be reassuring.

I would also mention that she doesn't sound stable before this, so maybe she is losing touch with what is real and what she wants to happen. Either way, she's after your DP!

[OliviaStabler]

Have you ever seen a cat when it spots prey? It watches closely while being carefully concealed. When it sees the opportune moment, it crouches low then pounces. I think this is what your 'friend' did. Waited for the opportune moment, knows your dp won't leave her out on the street while inebriated so she carefully planned a time where you were 100% not going to be there and she could play her game, whatever that is.

On this occasion I'd believe him and dump her.

[NannyOggsKnickers]

OP- your best bet is to not let her know about the strain this putting on you and DP. Talk honestly to your best friend in confidence but don't give her the satisfaction of seeing the drama she craves.

If you have to have communications with her again then be incredibly patronising about how pathetic her life is 'it must be hard for you right now with things so bad' and 'are you ok, Hun?'

Don't give her the conflict she's expecting.

[PumpkinSpiceEverything]

She's trying to put it on DP - she is intentionally stirring the pot by talking about your relationship like that - classic manipulation and idea-planting. Shut her out. Quick.

[Willow2017]

DP DIDNT lie!
she wasnt there when OP phoned, he had just finished putting dc to bed which dc confirmed.

I hardly think he is going to invite someone in for a shag with his child there.

[MaisyPops]

sunbeam
I missed that when I was catching up the thread.

I still think it seems off to me though (for the reasons I've mentioned in my last post).

If I was going to sleep with someone else a lpud mouth, drama queen mutual friend wouldn't be my choice. Way too risky.

[Willow2017]

SHE ISNT A LIFELONG FRIEND. RTT!
OP has know her DP since nursery not her.

OP has been distancing herself from her because of her behaviour already.

'Friend' lied to her dp about txting op and not being able to get hold of her.
'Friend; pulled the "I have just split up from yet another bf and am upset" card.
'Friend' txt op at sparrow fart to tell her she had stayed the night, she was home by then so obviously got up and went home, pissed off dh hadnt made a move and then set out to try to ruin their relationship anyway. She txt ops friend to tell them their marriage was on the rocks ffs!

What 'friend' listens to a friend who is stressed out with multiple medical issues with his wife and child then turns it around to say it means he loves her?

The whole thing was planned, it backfired and now she is out for 'revenge'. pathetic.

[Bluntness100]

Really you don't know anyone sane who wouldn't do whatever it takes to get the man they want?

I don't know anyone no who would tell a friend she slept with her husband when she didn't. And I really don't think it's sane rational behavuour because I don't see how lying that you slept with him would make him fall into your arms. For me that's totally irrational behaviour that would drive any man away. And any woman who thought that was the way to get someone I would think is mentally ill or very very stupid indeed.

[Sunbeam18]

Maisy Yes, the friend is now saying they shagged.

[MaisyPops]

Have I missed something, the friend hasnt said they slept together. She's said ahe 'stayed the night' which us technically true but certainly has been said to be suggestive.

I think about if I were the husband:
IF i was unhappy in my relationship, it was under strain and I'd lost intimacy with my wife, I wouldn't choose a mutual friend to sleep with, let alone a loud mouth friend with a history of stirring.

Think about it as a friend:
If as a friend I'd got drunk and slept with a friends husband then i'd be utterly mortified, never mention it again and pretend it never happened.
If I was having an affair with a friend's husband then I would be keeping the entire thing quiet so not to get caught.

The only situations where someone would act like your friend has would be:

• she's feeling crap after arguing with her bf and is using the drama as a pick me / sign she is still attractive
  
• she has made a pass at your DH and he's pushed her off (but ahe's slept on the sofa because he didn't want to send her out in the early hours)
  
• she's trying to stir trouble in your relationship by hinting that something has happened so thay when you and DH argue he might go to her for 'moral support'