AIBU to be angry and DP and friend wine session.

[Confusedandalone19]

I name changed and will try not to drop feed.

Me and DP have 2 kids combined.
We are child hood sweethearts but had a break in between.
Now eventually settled down together.

Friend was an old school friend of us both however was always more my friend of that makes sense.
As we have got older have become less close but still stay in contact.
( she is the eccentric, wild type )
I am currently in hospital with young DD and we are going through a really hard time as a whole unit.
So here is what happened yesteray.

I had both children at hospital with me until DP finished work at 10 pm and picked DSS up, they would not have got home until 10.45 ish.

I spoke to DP at just gone midnight every thing seemed fine nothing was mentioned about anyone being there.

This morning I woke up to a text message of my friend saying she was popped around last night but I wasn't in ( she knew I wasn't there as we have been in hospital over a week ) glad I got a chance to spend some time with ( my DP )
He was explaining how you really struggling emotionally at the minute and that things are tough followed with will replace your wine to !

I rand DP who explained she did knock last night and he welcomed her in She drunk too much wine and was asking questions and being really friendly.
She ended up sleeping on the sofa and left this morning.

I was more confused than anything I don't get

1. Why she turned up at my house at that time knowing I wasn't there
   

1. Why DP let her in.
   

1. Why they were drinking wine together
   

1. Why she didn't get a taxi home.
   

An hour ago I got a phone call from my best friend to ask if everything was ok as friend from last night had told her things seemed difficult between me and DP and that it was likely we would be seperating soon through the stress !

( this is the first I have heard about it, we get on fine )

Now DP can be a bit stupid and naive , he would do anything for anyone and genuinely is a bit of a push over at times.
His claim is....

She turned up at the door, she seemed down and asked for me, he explained I wasn't in and she asked to come in.
He allowed her in and they got talking and she helped her self to some wine and poured himself some to.
She got very drunk and they had a few emotinal conversations.
He offered to order her a taxi but she said she didn't feel save going alone early hours of the morning so asked to sleep on the sofa.

This sounds confusing I know !
I am mad at them both, not sure I should be though.

[Moanyoldcow]

The big flag for me if her going to see you when she knew you weren't there.

I think she's trying to undermine your relationship.

I'd tell her in no uncertain terms that your relationship is none of her business and she should stay away from you both.

I think you husband sounds daft but lots of men are shit at stuff like this. That's not excusing naive and stupid behaviour but they are generally less good at spotting underhandedness than many women.

[Confusedandalone19]

Oh by the way I have re read, sorry about the typos.
I am rubbish on a phone keyboard and have had very little sleep !

[gingerbeerd]

She seems like a real ass but I'd give your DP the benefit of the doubt before you (i assume) talk about it?
He could've genuinely just wanted company, especially if you're going through something difficult as a family. No doubt she knew the effects of her actions, but I think it might be best to wait before assuming the worst.

[Willow2017]

Omg so many mistakes. Stupid phone.

[Gemini69]

I think your be way too generous OP.... your supposed 'friend' behaved 100% inappropriately by arriving at your door after hours and drunk... knowing your DP would be alone... would she do this if you were home?

She has now spread rumours and lies about your already fragile relationship... to what end I wonder ? Tell your DP what she has done and how unacceptable this is... and he enabled her...

OP this is NO FRIEND

[BlueDecor]

I would take what she said that your DP said about you separating with a pinch of salt.
It seems to be a manipulation to drive a wedge between you paving the way for her to move in on your DP using flirting or other feminine wiles.
He might not be able to see this due to being feeling able to trust a mutual friend.
Also if she is a mutual friend to both of you what reason could he have not to invite her in unless he felt there was a reason not to trust her. Lastly perhaps he discussed your recent trauma with her as a mutual friend out of consideration for you as he feels that you already have enough on you plate with DD and just needed to talk to someone anyone. Would you rather he just kept it bottled up inside.?

[Aquathest]

Of course she wanted you to know. It sounds like a plan to plant a seed of doubt in your mind over your relationship, at a time when you are obviously already feeling vulnerable. Do not waste your time on her.

On the other hand, your DP gave her enough room and information to plant those seeds so I think you need to tell him exactly how you feel.

[dustarr73]

You're friend is crossing boundaries.But whydidn't your so mention it.Thats what a weird.Plus your friend sent you that text to cause trouble.I wonder why?

[flumpybear]

Discuss with your DP what was talked about then send a message from you and him to her asking her to refrain from visiting at 11pm, it was both cheeky and inappropriate plus the gossiping stops otherwise you'll start spreading your own rumours that she's trying it on with your OH - bloody cheeky cow!!!

[ImperialBlether]

So he got home at about 11 pm with his son. What time did she turn up? And when you spoke to him at midnight, was she there then?

I would be absolutely fucking livid with both of them. I would definitely see it that she was trying it on with him. I'd also see it that he felt there was something he had to hide.

Does she normally turn up when most people have gone to bed?

[Confusedandalone19]

I do get the need to talk, I really do.
We haven't spoken much about it and that's is partially my fault as well.
I didn't cope very well ( I needed to have a medical termination that took a lot of questioning for me to decide ) then turned out that it was the wrong choice.

I didn't know how to cope and suppose his always the strong one.
I feel hurt he discussed it thought with her I mean she isn't a close friend of his by any stretch of imagination.
Maybe I just felt hurt but I do know deep down that I trust him not to cheat and that despite everything we love each other very much.
Life is just really hard right now and we both have kids that we have taken in as our own.
He loves DD and I love DSS.
But I do feel hurt.

[rollonthesummer]

Have you told your partner what this woman told your best friend about the two of you possibly splitting up? What was his reaction?

Very dodgy

[FannyWisdom]

Back off now.

At best she is implanting herself in your life and will broadcast all your hiccups.
At best.
We all know she's up to worse.

Cutaway and fuck her off.

[swingofthings]

Will you tell him how much this hurt you?

[rollonthesummer]

I spoke to DP at just gone midnight every thing seemed fine nothing was mentioned about anyone being there.

So was this woman there then or not? It sounds like your partner may not being telling the truth. Who just turns up at someone's house at 11pm+ unless there's an emergency?

[MadeForThis]

I would want to know more details about the time line.

If she was there when he spoke to you at midnight and didn't mention it then I would be very pissed off at DH.

She is not a true friend. At best she is trying to create trouble and tension at a time you don't need it. At worst something happened last night.

[Confusedandalone19]

His coming up after work this evening.
I will explain to him I need answers and that a I am hurt about what was said.

Thankyou didn't know if I was being paranoid !

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

This is what I think:

1. she's dangerous and your DP shouldn't have let her in - she was making a play to see how secure your relationship was.
   
2. he is a bit naive for letting her in but he probably took her "need to talk" at face value - you need to clear this one up for him
   
3. he talked to her about the trauma situation more easily than he could talk to you because you were part of the situation, and he is probably worried that talking to you honestly might stir up some feelings for you again, or that things might be taken the wrong way, or that he has feelings that aren't entirely rational over the whole situation.
   
   I get that you're hurt he talked to her but it sounds like he (and possibly you too) could do with some proper counselling to deal with the aftermath of that situation separately from each other.
   
   Oh and dump the "friend" - she's well dodgy.

[HeebieJeebies456]

come off it - he's not naive!
He knew it was wrong and inappropriate - that's why he point blank lied to you!
What made him think YOUR friend wouldn't tell you?

You can't trust somebody 100% not to cheat - everyone is capable of it.

She's meddling in your relationship, gossiping about you to others and taking great enjoyment from it.
That is NOT a friend.

[histinyhandsarefrozen]

I would be pissed off with dh.
When you called at midnight he should have said "blah blahs here..."

I would steer clear of the friend. I don't like her at all. At best she's a stirrer, at worst she's trying to break you two up.

For now I'd keep it neutral - you don't need this: "still at hospital with dd. It's hard. Cheers"

[Cambionome]

Tell him how you feel and exactly what she's done (re talking to other friend etc). Don't let this fester under the surface.

[GeekyWombat]

At the very least she is stirring it and is not your friend.

You can't know whether there's anything more than that or if she's making a play for your husband, but definitely need to have a chat with him - you should be the team discussing HER and her behaviour. If she's pulled this shit he needs to understand, naive or not, what it could mean and how she is portraying it and protect himself and your relationship should it ever happen again.

I'm so sorry this is happening OP. Especially when your DD is in hospital.

[NotQuiteJustYet]

To me, there are alarm bells ringing as to why he didn't mention her being there last night - I would be seething if DH did this. She sounds like trouble, and I'd steer well clear from now on.

[Atenco]

I would give your DP the benefit of the doubt, but I'm afraid this woman is no friend of yours.

[Mumek]

Yes, give your DH the benefit of the doubt and don't let 'friend' succeed in driving you and DH apart. Definitely bin the woman, you don't need to give her a reason, she well knows what she's trying to do.