AIBU to be angry and DP and friend wine session.

[Confusedandalone19]

I name changed and will try not to drop feed.

Me and DP have 2 kids combined.
We are child hood sweethearts but had a break in between.
Now eventually settled down together.

Friend was an old school friend of us both however was always more my friend of that makes sense.
As we have got older have become less close but still stay in contact.
( she is the eccentric, wild type )
I am currently in hospital with young DD and we are going through a really hard time as a whole unit.
So here is what happened yesteray.

I had both children at hospital with me until DP finished work at 10 pm and picked DSS up, they would not have got home until 10.45 ish.

I spoke to DP at just gone midnight every thing seemed fine nothing was mentioned about anyone being there.

This morning I woke up to a text message of my friend saying she was popped around last night but I wasn't in ( she knew I wasn't there as we have been in hospital over a week ) glad I got a chance to spend some time with ( my DP )
He was explaining how you really struggling emotionally at the minute and that things are tough followed with will replace your wine to !

I rand DP who explained she did knock last night and he welcomed her in She drunk too much wine and was asking questions and being really friendly.
She ended up sleeping on the sofa and left this morning.

I was more confused than anything I don't get

1. Why she turned up at my house at that time knowing I wasn't there

1. Why DP let her in.

1. Why they were drinking wine together

1. Why she didn't get a taxi home.

An hour ago I got a phone call from my best friend to ask if everything was ok as friend from last night had told her things seemed difficult between me and DP and that it was likely we would be seperating soon through the stress !

( this is the first I have heard about it, we get on fine )

Now DP can be a bit stupid and naive , he would do anything for anyone and genuinely is a bit of a push over at times.
His claim is....

She turned up at the door, she seemed down and asked for me, he explained I wasn't in and she asked to come in.
He allowed her in and they got talking and she helped her self to some wine and poured himself some to.
She got very drunk and they had a few emotinal conversations.
He offered to order her a taxi but she said she didn't feel save going alone early hours of the morning so asked to sleep on the sofa.

This sounds confusing I know !
I am mad at them both, not sure I should be though.

I believe your DP. I would be upset if I was accused of having cheated, too! (Not that you accused him, but obviously your "friend" (and some of the posters here) have planted seeds of doubt in your mind and he can see you beginning to waver. I think some people misread the post where you said he was"angry" to infer that you'd said he was angry at you.

If I were you I would totally disengage from this woman. Don't text / call her to tell her to back off or get your DP to do the same, block her number, block her on FB. There's no need for any more communication with her. She's not even tried to hide the fact that she's making a play for your DP (she's actually starting to sound a bit unhinged) and you'll only get lies out of her anyway. She WANTS you to call her and ask her exactly what happened so she can spin more stories to drive a wedge between you and your DP (and make him single and available).

Let her stew and sit there wondering when you're going to call. You and DP can concentrate on each other and your kids.

I am not engaging with it anymore. I have been beside myself since yesterday.
I have both kids with me and it's very clear now she slept on the sofa.
I feel horrible to have doubted.
We are going to have dinner tonight and discuss everything including things we should of spoke about a while ago.
Thankyou for everything and the support.

Well done OP. Give him a break and tell him to block her as you should do on all SM. Looking at the (dubious) bright side of all this it's prompted you to have a good talk. He sounds like a prince, albeit a very naive one.

I'm still stunned she turned up apparently drunk when she has three kids under four - or was the father taking care of them over the weekend?

She is always out no idea how
Not sure who had them.

Kinda pissed about my wine though

Oh OP how horrible for you. To do this when you are at your lowest. At least hopefully by boasting about her night/practising her mills and boon submission to your mutual friends she has spectacularly severed any ties she had to anyone that knows you both in one fell swoop. what an evil loon

She sounds like an utter snake

Op what do you mean when you say she said more happened, what happened exactly? Her sleeping on the sofa is no indication they did not become intimate, even if it was just a snog and that would explain her rushing to tell the mate you were splitting up.

I'm sorry but him crying and sending angry texts is irrelevant, he would do that guilty or innocent. I'd be more curious about what she is saying now. And why.

Sorry, re read, she's saying she didn't sleep on sofa, but the kids saw her sleeping there?

OP you know she has form for being a bitch, she cant find a good relationship like you have, she wants one and thinks your dh will treat her the same way he treats you.

I wouldnt doubt your oh for a moment given all the things you know about her (and him).

SHe saw an opportunity, she knows you are both stressed to the hilt and hoped that would be enough to split you up, it hasnt so she has upped her game.

Ignore ignore ignore and concentrate on each other and your kids.

She is a manipulative person who is pissed off cos the other night didnt go as she had hoped and is our for revenge. "If I cant have him neither can you" type thing. Pretty sad state to be in really.

Sounds like she's be looking for a way to get back at you for trying to step away from her. Block her on everything including your partners phone, Facebook, everything.

Don't give her the oxygen she's looking for. Just freeze her out. If she turns up looking for trouble call the police. I think she sounds dangerous.

It's me

I don't think your DP slept with her, at all. He is devoted to you & the kids.

She however, has a vendetta I think. She's pissing on your chips. Time to go 100% no contact with her.

Hope things are going well with DD, I know how scary things are right now.

DP isn't all sweetness and light. He didn't tell you she was there when you were on the phone to him.

DP isn't all sweetness and light. He didn't tell you she was there when you were on the phone to him.

This is what would concern me most. Why did he not mention she was there? The rest could be explained as this "friend" stirring trouble up but I would keep going back to him not mentioning the "friend" was there and it would give me serious cause for concern. It's quite a big omission.

She wasn't there, she came after midnight.

She wasnt there when he spoke to OP on the phone so why is it so concerning?

Why don't you and DP go and see her (unannounced)?

I believe him. No wonder he cried he sounds like he's under a fuckload of stress and she comes along and messes with him and you. Utter bitch. Make sure everyone knows what she's done.

I don't see anything good coming from either of you contacting her ever again.
It's a bizarre story but you need to strengthen your relationship and not spend more time on her, ensuring he doesn't let in more drunk weepy women when he's alone, although that sounds unlikely.

it's very clear now she slept on the sofa.

that doesn't mean anything.
Many a time I've done it on a sofa.
Sure we all have

He does sound like he was 'played' so good on you for chalking it up to experience and putting it behind you.
Enjoy your night out.

Good luck OP. This is a time to pull together and anyone who cannot be on board with that has no place in your life. Lots of love to your little one and male sure DP replaces the wine xxx

Hmm I think everyone is being very generous towards the dp. Even if this woman is a complete bitch, it doesn't mean he didn't fall for it. I'm afraid I would assume the worst. I mean, she stayed the night, he lied, now she's claiming they shagged, how much more evidence do you need?

I find this confusing actually.

On one hand a woman posts and says I slept with someone's husband should I tell her. The response is always a large majority of yes, she deserves to know.

Then someone comes on and says, so she told me, and everyone says, well she's a lying manipulative bitch, she's lying and your husband, who no one knows, is clearly besotted with you. She's making it up.

It's illogical in the extreme.

I think the OP will never "know" 100% if her husband did or didn't have sex with her.
The choice is believe her husband and save the marriage or believe the exfriend and stay with the marriage but never trust your husband especially if he always says nothing happened, or separate.
I think going with option 1 if the marriage is a good one is sensible.

I think the OP will never "know" 100% if her husband did or didn't have sex with her.

Yes. She will only have his 'word' for it.
This would kill me.

I mean, she stayed the night, he lied but he hasn't lied. They spoke at midnight. After that the friend came over. 7.45 the friend text. OP spoke to DP and he said yeah she came over blah blah blah