AIBU to be angry and DP and friend wine session.

[Confusedandalone19]

I name changed and will try not to drop feed.

Me and DP have 2 kids combined.
We are child hood sweethearts but had a break in between.
Now eventually settled down together.

Friend was an old school friend of us both however was always more my friend of that makes sense.
As we have got older have become less close but still stay in contact.
( she is the eccentric, wild type )
I am currently in hospital with young DD and we are going through a really hard time as a whole unit.
So here is what happened yesteray.

I had both children at hospital with me until DP finished work at 10 pm and picked DSS up, they would not have got home until 10.45 ish.

I spoke to DP at just gone midnight every thing seemed fine nothing was mentioned about anyone being there.

This morning I woke up to a text message of my friend saying she was popped around last night but I wasn't in ( she knew I wasn't there as we have been in hospital over a week ) glad I got a chance to spend some time with ( my DP )
He was explaining how you really struggling emotionally at the minute and that things are tough followed with will replace your wine to !

I rand DP who explained she did knock last night and he welcomed her in She drunk too much wine and was asking questions and being really friendly.
She ended up sleeping on the sofa and left this morning.

I was more confused than anything I don't get

1. Why she turned up at my house at that time knowing I wasn't there

1. Why DP let her in.

1. Why they were drinking wine together

1. Why she didn't get a taxi home.

An hour ago I got a phone call from my best friend to ask if everything was ok as friend from last night had told her things seemed difficult between me and DP and that it was likely we would be seperating soon through the stress !

( this is the first I have heard about it, we get on fine )

Now DP can be a bit stupid and naive , he would do anything for anyone and genuinely is a bit of a push over at times.
His claim is....

She turned up at the door, she seemed down and asked for me, he explained I wasn't in and she asked to come in.
He allowed her in and they got talking and she helped her self to some wine and poured himself some to.
She got very drunk and they had a few emotinal conversations.
He offered to order her a taxi but she said she didn't feel save going alone early hours of the morning so asked to sleep on the sofa.

This sounds confusing I know !
I am mad at them both, not sure I should be though.

Like I said earlier - she's an opportunist - I bet she's had a thing for him and tried her luck - he's opened up to her emotionally and she has built that up into something else in her mind...

I wouldn't be surprised if she's made a pass at him and he's rejected her advance.

Either way - she's bad news and should be avoided like the plague!

How tough op. I wouldn't know who to believe tbh.

I think she's upping the anti to try and hurry along you getting angry and dumping him so she can move in on him and play the sympathetic ear.
She is jealous you have a good relationship with someone who treats you well. She knew you were at the hospital and saw that as an opportune moment to "drop by" and start splitting you up. She has shown this by telling other friend that you are about to split up. She's trying to divide and conquer. Don't let her weasel her way in like this, she will keep adding more and more to the story of that night until you start to mistrust your Dp's story. Chances are she will also be sympathetic to you, saying how awful it is you can't trust him, wanting to be that shoulder to cry on.
Cowbag!

The tears are a bit of an alarm bell to me - why would he cry unless he felt horribly guilty? He should be raging mad at this woman if she is a psycho who is making stuff up.

Her actions are very extreme - is she known for pulling this kind of shit?

So sorry you are going through this, OP. I still believe your DP and hate it that that horrible woman is getting the satisfaction of causing you both such misery. And I think it is quite natural that your DP is upset at the idea of you believing this stuff

He's wrong if he cries, he's wrong if he's annoyed...

If I were him, and I were already stressed with hospital visits, work and previous trauma, I would be distressed, angry and tearful about what she's saying.

Her actions don't add up at all. I think she's nasty.

Sunbeam she is a bit unsteady !

We grew up in very similar childhoods, we were very emotionally attached in high school.
She hasn't really settled down yet either ( has 3 kids under 4 but flutters in and out of relationships )
She is a bit of a bitchy one regards to gossip and can be a little in hinged when drunk.

These are the reasons I distantanced my self a while ago - although that also didn't go down well. I was the worse person in the world when I decided to leave her be.

You know your DP and we don't. But from what you've written he sounds like an emotionally unaware bloke who innocently opened the door to a friend, had no idea what she was up to and thought she was a kind listening ear.

And now it's all blown up in his face.

He isn't angry with you, he's angry at the situation as he has no idea how he got in this mess by doing what he thought was a kind thing with a trusted friend.

The one thing that is absolutely 100% certain in this situation is that she is a lying cow. One minute they did nothing but she's there for him, next minute they were shagging all night with a 10 yr old upstairs It doesn't add up.

I think she came round to make a play for him, it quite possibly just to attract attention from her own boyfriend, your DP failed to notice what was up and so accidentally encouraged her and she has gone on to be a manipulative loon.

Don't let her wreck things for you.

She is a lying cowbag. How dare she

I would be upset and angry in your DPs shoes and would probably cry. He must be devastated.

If she had shagged him she would 100% have some proof like a selfie in your bed or a description of his knob. The fact she text you at 7.45 shows she had her skates on in that regard. She is lying.

Ah - you rejected her! This is your punishment...

Well following your update, she's just behaving according to previous form isn't she?

She manipulates in order to get her own way and doesn't know how else to maintain relationships.

End of friendship for both of you and hopefully for as many people in your friendship group as you can muster. Expect monumental tantrums on her part but it will be worth it.

She is making it all up to cause drama and to divide and conquer.

Let's be honest - hand on heart - how many of us would shag a friend's dp and then go round telling all and sundry about it the very next morning?

No... if you did that you'd keep very quiet. You wouldn't want anyone to find out at all.

Dump that friend, in the very least she is after your partner.

The friend is causing trouble don't trust her and get rid!

Gosh, she does sound like a dangerous friend. Did your husband not know that she was unhinged when he let her into the house , and disclosed intimate details to her? He sounds like he has been an idiot at best. She sounds like she has mental health issues, tbh.

I don't believe the she slept on the sofa bs either

She was happy to travel in a taxi at midnight, so why was she reluctant to go home in a taxi?

Is there any way to tell if he's washed the sheets? (a big giveaway if he doesn't usually do laundry)

Or maybe they dtd on the sofa sorry not helpful

DP is now really angry and upset now upset with me because he things I believe her and that he would 1. Never do that to me

My ex used to say that and he did do that to me.

Numerous times.

OP, firstly I'm sorry about everything you have been through and continue to go through.

Although you may never know for sure if anything happened this woman (certainly no friend) sounds unhinged. I think all you can do, unless anything else comes up, is to trust DH. If you think logically (although it is all quite shady) look at the next mornings texts between them, the wording of those appear to back DH version. When you called her out all of a sudden it all changed.

Remove her from your life and anyone else who continues to have anything to do with her. You seriously don't need this extra stress.

I'm sorry if I missed something but I do think it's worth you and DH having support through some counselling, you have a lot going on.

While I understand your niggling doubts, and other posters' doubts on here too, I think I'm 100% on your DP's side here.

It's just possible that she threw herself at him and he refused her, so now she's trying to split you up anyway in revenge. But in all honesty, I think she went round there to cause trouble in the first place. She KNEW you weren't there and who turns up at a friend's house when they know they're in hospital with their child, after midnight and with drink on board? No one sane.

She's massive trouble and the best thing you can do is to stand firm with your DP, believe him 100% and don't let the manipulative bitch win. She's very obviously jealous of your set up and his support and probably would dearly like to have him for herself - don't help her out with this.

I'm pretty worried about her apparent assumption that she is now In some sort of relationship with him. I've been stalked and this sounds horribly familiar to me. People like this take the slightest attention as proof of a deep abiding love. It may be as simple as shit stirring but be careful. She sounds a bit unhinged to me. Your DP is just panicking. He had no idea what he was getting himself into. I understand how he must feel It's: "how the hell did this happen?"
Whether she's shit stirring or deranged show your DP that you do believe him ( you do, right?) And be on his side.
If he IS lying, time will tell but in the meantime, if he's innocent you don't want to risk losing him over this maniac. Plenty of time to rethink your position in the face of actual PROOF. Of which, so far , there is none.

Isn't that part of the script?
Calling the other woman crazy?

I too think you should cut her out of your life, but be wary of your partner suddenly calling her crazy.

I just don't understand answering the door at that time of night when not expecting anyone. I'd think it was a drunk had the wrong address and hope they'd go.

Lots of wine + sob story + more wine + oversharing + naieve man + opportunity = Something Happened.

I think at worst they slept together and at the very least he gave her a hug, especially if she was upset and he's a 'nice guy' (there will have been contact of some sort)
Now in the cold light of day he massively regrets it (crying and anger) and is worried he will lose you and wants it all to go away.

If he's a genuinely nice guy, is it worth losing him over this?

Block her completely, and if any of your mutual friends ask then tell them the truth.

Have to admit that my gut on this one says that he's telling the truth, but for the love of god don't just trust what an internet stranger tells you.

I'm tended towards believing your DP.

Your friend is a nasty, vindictive, spiteful bitch.