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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to take this child's sibling too?

336 replies

Wilburissomepig · 27/08/2017 09:57

Off for a day out today for DD's birthday and have invited her friend to come with us. She's an absolutely lovely kid and I'm more than happy to have her come along, she comes out with us quite a lot.

Have just had a text from her mum to ask if we can also take her sister with us too as she (mum) isn't feeling very well today and it would really help her out.

Normally, I would be happy to help but I really don't want to take her sister too. She used to come round 2/3 years ago when the girls were younger but I had to put a stop to it as she caused so much drama. She constantly argues with her sister, makes her cry, kicked the dog while he was asleep to get him to move out of her way Angry and was consistently unkind to my DD too. She's 12, very sullen and generally would make the day miserable for everyone.

She also, I very strongly believe, took some things from my house and money from my purse. I didn't tell her mum at the time (I know I should have) because she was going through a horrendous time at that point and didn't want to make things worse. I've since found out that she did the same at another friends house (who did tell mum so she is aware of the problem). After the dog and money incidents (on the same day) I just put a stop to her coming round by generally engineering it that way. (So I basically took the easy way out).

I feel like a bitch for not helping this woman out if she's not well but I really don't want to take this girl along too and I'm well aware that I sound like an utter cow for saying this about a 12 year old kid but it's really going to spoil the day for DD and her friend. I also don't know what to say to her mum.

OP posts:
LilyMcClellan · 27/08/2017 18:35

Every day Mumsnet surprises me with a new example of how petulant adult human beings can be.

The girl's mum WBVU with her reply. Can't believe she's not embarrassed to pout about someone not wanting to be her free childcare for the day!

Honestly, where do these people get their sense of entitlement from?

ShitOrBust · 27/08/2017 18:37

Cheeky lying bint! I hope your DH said something smart to her.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/08/2017 18:40

What a cheeky mare!!

BitOfANameChange · 27/08/2017 18:41

OP, having stood your ground like this, there's a good chance you'll not be bothered as much by any cheeky requests, she 'll look for someone softer.

icelollycraving · 27/08/2017 18:42

Well done!! I was sure you'd not return.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/08/2017 18:44

So I'll she has to lay in tbevgatden with a wine. Cheeky mare! She only got her other dd to answer to guilt trip you. Glad you stood your ground and had a fantastic time. Mabey that will give the other dd food for thought, if she behaves better, she will be invited out more.

GreenTulips · 27/08/2017 18:45

From another point of view

My DD 12 hasn't seen any friends this summer - she struggles socially and some of her friends aren't allowed to go to town or play out unsupervised or holidays etc (most I feel are excuses) I think she can be annoying as she has HFA and doesn't help herself

She has frequent meltdowns because 'it's not fair' her brother and sister are out and about - swimming cinema town park etc

She may have begged her mom to ask and her mom put in a difficult situation

Now I would never ask (I did ask older DD to take her to town one day - but that's been it) I don't think it's fair - but it's hard work having a young almost teen feeling more and more alone while the others are out all day socialising.

I can see both side

She shouldn't have asked - she could take your DD and her 2 out for the day - it's her responsibility to help her DD integrate and be kind

Wilburissomepig · 27/08/2017 18:48

She's just posted on FB with her mate about having a 'cheeky vino'. That term in itself makes me want to vom. A 'glad you're feeling better' comment from me would be churlish ...

Must. Sit. On. Hands. Grin

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 27/08/2017 18:49

Oh go on hun Grin

AristonAndOn · 27/08/2017 18:49

Do it!

Givemestrength44 · 27/08/2017 18:52

Absolutely do it Grin

cowssheephens · 27/08/2017 18:52

Do it.

another20 · 27/08/2017 18:53

I bet the Mum put the DD12 up to it - feel v sorry for the DD12 - she was used by her Mother - but you did the right thing.

Lukeandlorelai4Ever · 27/08/2017 18:54

Def do it!!

Wilburissomepig · 27/08/2017 18:54

Green I do totally understand what you're saying and I think that's why I did feel bad. But in all honesty, I find her so hard to be with because of previous behaviours (the stealing and the kicking the dog are only two of quite a few things). It's hard to admit that you don't actually like a child because, as an adult, you're supposed to be able to deal with it but I just didn't want to spoil DD's birthday day out.

When she's been out with us previously I was so uptight because I was never sure what she'd do to her sister or DD but I'm still aware that this girl is just a kid and to be honest, I do feel sorry for her.

OP posts:
PovertyPain · 27/08/2017 18:55

Do it, and put this 💐 at the end, to soften the sarcasm. 😁

Mittens1969 · 27/08/2017 18:57

YADNBU, the mum is cheeky to ask tbh. It's a play date, not an offer to babysit!

My DD2 gets play dates on her own with friends from school and her own
party invitations. I don't try to persuade the mum to have DD1 as well, that's not fair and as you've found, if changes the dynamics of the play date. My DD1 argues with DD2 as well and storms off in a huff if she doesn't get her way. I manage it when friends play st our house, but I wouldn't expect friends' mums to do that, unless she's specifically invited.

So I would advise, stick to your guns!

Aeroflotgirl · 27/08/2017 18:58

You did the right thing, I wod not be surprised if her mum did put her up to it, she sounds like a cheeky mare. I'll my left foot, she wanted the thee dd out of her hair for the day.

blackteasplease · 27/08/2017 19:01

Yes saying a "cheeky vino" is pretty much deserving of death by a thousand whines in itself.

DonutCone · 27/08/2017 19:05

It is your absolute MN duty to reply, 'so glad you're feeling better now hun xxxxx'.

Leeds2 · 27/08/2017 19:07

Well Done OP! Hope your daughter and her friend had a lovely birthday outing.

I am very non confrontational, but I think I would be tempted to add "Glad you are fully recovered" or similar to the FB post. Does the woman have no shame?!

2rebecca · 27/08/2017 19:09

Agree it sounds like the mum tried to guilt trip you. Suspect she just wanted both kids off her hands for the day especially if one is a pain in the bum.
I think with kids they squabble much more if there are 3 as well so that would have put me off.
Mum needs to look at improving her daughter's social skills if she's often left at home.

TakeMe2Insanity · 27/08/2017 19:14

Well done!

inlectorecumbit · 27/08/2017 19:21

oh go on OP - you know you want to Grin

Wilburissomepig · 27/08/2017 19:26

It is your absolute MN duty to reply, 'so glad you're feeling better now hun xxxxx'.

She, and anyone who saw this, would know I was being sarky as I've never called anyone hun in my life. Grin So tempting!

OP posts: