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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to take this child's sibling too?

336 replies

Wilburissomepig · 27/08/2017 09:57

Off for a day out today for DD's birthday and have invited her friend to come with us. She's an absolutely lovely kid and I'm more than happy to have her come along, she comes out with us quite a lot.

Have just had a text from her mum to ask if we can also take her sister with us too as she (mum) isn't feeling very well today and it would really help her out.

Normally, I would be happy to help but I really don't want to take her sister too. She used to come round 2/3 years ago when the girls were younger but I had to put a stop to it as she caused so much drama. She constantly argues with her sister, makes her cry, kicked the dog while he was asleep to get him to move out of her way Angry and was consistently unkind to my DD too. She's 12, very sullen and generally would make the day miserable for everyone.

She also, I very strongly believe, took some things from my house and money from my purse. I didn't tell her mum at the time (I know I should have) because she was going through a horrendous time at that point and didn't want to make things worse. I've since found out that she did the same at another friends house (who did tell mum so she is aware of the problem). After the dog and money incidents (on the same day) I just put a stop to her coming round by generally engineering it that way. (So I basically took the easy way out).

I feel like a bitch for not helping this woman out if she's not well but I really don't want to take this girl along too and I'm well aware that I sound like an utter cow for saying this about a 12 year old kid but it's really going to spoil the day for DD and her friend. I also don't know what to say to her mum.

OP posts:
UrsulaPandress · 27/08/2017 12:44

I reckon she caved and daren't come back to admit it.

ShowMeWhatYouGot · 27/08/2017 12:46

Some people are far too entitled! I'd never be brass enough to ask if a sibling could tag along to another child's birthday treat, poorly or not!

Brownsauceandsausages · 27/08/2017 13:03

Not me Showmewhatyougot but you'd be surprised at the number who do. I always had this when hosting class parties and it was always an extra effort involved making sure extra sibling fitted in, felt at ease etc, didn't know anyone except for their brother or sister, who often went off and left them to it! A bit of a pain tbh when you are already stretched although happy to help under. Ormal circumstances.

Brownsauceandsausages · 27/08/2017 13:04

Gah, normal circumstances

Bigoldsupermoon · 27/08/2017 13:14

I've only got one toddler DD atm; am aghast at the bare-faced cheek in some of these situations! Taking copious notes in the hope that I'll be able to handle myself when the time inevitably comes!

Tell us you stuck to your guns, OP! And tell us if you didn't, so we can at least be outraged on your behalf!

unashamedly over-invested in this thread

ShowMeWhatYouGot · 27/08/2017 13:18

Oh my! I only have a toddler too atm, I can't believe people expect the same at party's! I've got a lot to look forward to obviously Blush

LazyDailyMailJournos · 27/08/2017 13:21

Hope OP is having a lovely day with her DD and friend and that uninvited sibling is where she should be - at home.

AtomHeart · 27/08/2017 13:22

Some people will ask for more and more and then they get shocked by a refusal. She's taking the piss.

listsandbudgets · 27/08/2017 13:24

YANBU.

I am taking 11 year old dd and her best friend to London next week and her mum has suggested I take her 7 year old sister along. Ive said no. It would completely ruin the dynamic and massively increase expense plus i have no desire to be in charge of someone elses rebellious 7 year old all day!. Luckily Ive booked matinee tickets ( surprise for both of them) so had a very good excuse for saying no

NataliaOsipova · 27/08/2017 13:27

I am taking 11 year old dd and her best friend to London next week and her mum has suggested I take her 7 year old sister along.

The cheek of that! Shock Who does that? Okay - at a push, I've asked my DD's friend for lunch and the mum has asked if her sister can come too as she's in a bit of a fix. But a big afternoon out at someone else's expense? Just staggeringly rude.....

rollonthesummer · 27/08/2017 13:30

I am taking 11 year old dd and her best friend to London next week and her mum has suggested I take her 7 year old sister along.

Omg! Was that a serious suggestion-not just a comedy, 'you don't want the other one as well, do you?!'

That is staggeringly rude! What did she say when you refused?

Jux · 27/08/2017 13:31

The mum wants to go out herself, but doesn't trust the 12yo home alone.

expatinscotland · 27/08/2017 13:37

'Luckily Ive booked matinee tickets ( surprise for both of them) so had a very good excuse for saying no'

You don't need an excuse. Just 'No, that doesn't work for us. It's a birthday treat for DD and she wants to invite X.'

Jux is spot on. The mum wants to go out. She'd then text you that's she's not coming back and you'd have them overnight whilst she got a couple of childfree days. Cheeky twat.

justilou1 · 27/08/2017 13:37

Tell me you didn't get sucked in....

YouTheCat · 27/08/2017 13:42

I bet the lack of an update means she's got the 12 year old too.

DartmoorDoughnut · 27/08/2017 13:51

Or it could mean that she's enjoying spending time with her DD and the friend doing whatever it is they're doing for her birthday?!

YouTheCat · 27/08/2017 13:54

I doubt it. If she'd told the CF she wouldn't take her 12 year old, she'd have been back on here like a shot to tell us all about it.

She has taken the other child and is feeling crap about not standing up to the CF.

This is in no way a judgement on that as I know how hard it is to say no to these manipulative types.

JustMumNowNotMe · 27/08/2017 13:59

The girl is 12 ffs,she doesn't need looking after! If the mother is genuinely ill its not as if shes got to do anything for her is it? Dd1 is 10 and can easily make her own lunch etc. Cheeky cow!

Whinesalot · 27/08/2017 14:02

I think the op will have stood her ground. i'm looking forward to an update of the conversation though.

TathitiPete · 27/08/2017 16:30

I'm rooting for OP (and OPs DD)
(over here, overinvested Grin )

timeisnotaline · 27/08/2017 16:38

Unless there is cheeky backstory I don't think it's cheeky to ask for help sometimes. I can see it could be much more peaceful without the children if ill , although of course a 12 year old can cope. And it's been three years, children grow up - if it weren't dds birthday I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and say yes. I'd definitely have said yes if i could if it were a younger child; given she is 12 and dds birthday I'd have said no here. The follow up message was cheeky though!

Gemini69 · 27/08/2017 16:43

the follow up message ... in my mind.. proved she was AT IT ?!

elevenclips · 27/08/2017 16:44

A 12yo is a useful helper if you feel ill. She is probably not feeling ill at all, she just wants to get rid of her kids so she can have the day to herself doing whatever she wants.

You did well saying no. The sign of a true pisstaker is always that when you say NO to them, they push, badger and try to turn the situation on to you. A person who was genuine would have said it was fine not to have her.

Smilingthru · 27/08/2017 16:48

How did it go?

JCo24 · 27/08/2017 16:49

I just RTFT and NO UPDATE. Do you realise how emotionally invested I was in this! 😬