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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at Oh wanking?

175 replies

Missmackenzie89 · 26/08/2017 15:40

Long time lurker but first time posting. Live with my boyfriend of 10 months, no children yet.

We've discussed wanking in the past, I know it's a normal part of life and I know he does it it's normal, but I have previously said that i would find it weird if i was in the bed when he did it (as in if I wasn't involved in the act lol).

Well this morning was the second morning just this week that I have been woken up by him pleasuring himself. Both times I had no idea how to react, I didn't want to embarrass him, and I genuinely didn't know whether to say anything. I don't really appreciate being woken up at 6.30 on a Saturday morning by the bed shaking and heavy breathing... We have an active sex life and although it's aunt flow week he's had plenty of other action, and we had full intercourse just on Thursday so he's not "deprived". I don't know whether to say anything to him or just pretend i don't know but I'm a bit annoyed to be honest. Especially because I have said in the past that I don't like the idea of him doing it while I'm in bed, the way I look it as it's either private or a joint effort not somewhere in between.

OP posts:

chips4teaplease · 26/08/2017 16:31

It's another 'period' thread. We are over-run with them at the moment.
Vino, people's expectations re sex vary. I would expect the majority of people to find Thursday to Saturday a long gap. The idea that people should leave their own beds to wank is ridiculous.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 26/08/2017 16:32

I think waking anyone up is a punishable offence. Ask him to do it in the shower?

AnnieAnoniMouse · 26/08/2017 16:32

I don't sleep much, so I hate being woken up by pretty much anything or anyone.

Except sex. You can wake me up for that anytime...so I'd only be annoyed if he didn't want me to join in.

I wouldn't tell someone they can't wank in their own bed, unless they had said specifically they didn't want me to join in. I probably wouldn't last in a relationship where me joining in was less preferable to them wanking alone.

However, you're not me & you're annoyed about being woken up and about him wanking in bed next to you, when you've asked him not to do that. (Whether that's a reasonable request or not is a whole other debate if he's agreed not to). So, you need to ask him why he thought waking you up at 6:30 when you didn't need to get up was ok & why he was wanking in bed next to you when he knows you don't like it & he's agreed not to.

How much sex you have isn't really relevant. If he wants to wank, he wants to wank. However, he needs to be considerate of someone sleeping and abide by agreements he's made or discuss the fact he's not happy with the agreement.

OstentatiousWanking · 26/08/2017 16:35

Was he awake? I've woken up middle fiddle before now.

Sallystyle · 26/08/2017 16:37

It's Saturday, by the way. What sex have you done together between the 'full' on Thursday and the Saturday morning wank?

Shit, are men who haven't had sex for 36 hours sexually deprived? My poor husband! Even he would manage not to wank off next to me when I don't want him to and he has had to wait quite some time for sex due to various reasons lately.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 26/08/2017 16:37

LOL @ middle fiddle

coconuttella · 26/08/2017 16:38

Baffled as to why some posters are being so obtuse about this.... This isn't about him having a wank, or how long it's been since he had sex (36 hours ffs ), but rather masturbating next to her and waking her up by his exertions.

If he feels the need to knock one off why can't be go elsewhere to do it... the bathroom for instance. It's hardly rocket science!

gingerbeerd · 26/08/2017 16:38

Would I have thought that's completely not on too? Probably
It's a bit odd to me that he is being supported on this one. I think that given that you said you weren't comfortable with him performing that (sexual) act next to you, it's not ok that he's then broken a clear boundary.
IMO mostly everyone wanks, but if someone's not ok with that being displayed to them, then that needs to be respected. I might be overreacting but I would have a word with him about what makes you uncomfortable.

Sallystyle · 26/08/2017 16:38

His body his choice.

What? He can wank off whenever he feels like it. In private. His body his choice doesn't work when it impacts on someone else.

coconuttella · 26/08/2017 16:40

I would expect the majority of people to find Thursday to Saturday a long gap.

Wtaf

Where's your spaceship from Planet Sex?!

thesleepystorm · 26/08/2017 16:41

people's expectations re sex vary. I would expect the majority of people to find Thursday to Saturday a long gap. The idea that people should leave their own beds to wank is ridiculous.

Oh please.

CatsAreAssholes · 26/08/2017 16:47

his body his choice

No actually, you've got that wrong. Her body her choice. She doesn't want a sex act next to her while she sleeps and she has specifically said so so there is no confusion. You wouldn't wank on the tube and say "my body my choice"

To a pp who says you can't expect him to leave his bed for a wank?? The fuck.

If my partner woke me up having his breakfast in bed at 6:30 I'd be pissed, but a wank I'd previously requested he not have next to me is fine?

rightknockered · 26/08/2017 16:47

Personally, it wouldn't bother me at all. But if you have specifically asked him not to do it, then he should respect that.

CatsAreAssholes · 26/08/2017 16:48

They've had sex they just didn't have PIV during the 36 hour "drought" ffs.

Willow2017 · 26/08/2017 16:52

we had full intercourse just on Thursday
Would he like 'full intercourse' more often, or is he just happy to have a wank? Tbh, if someone said I couldn't have a wank when I wanted, I wouldn't be pleased. It's Saturday, by the way. What sex have you done together between the 'full' on Thursday and the Saturday morning wank?

What the hell has that to do with anything?

A guy cant go 1 day without sex? Sex Thursday, missed Friday but is so desperate he is wanking at 6.30 on Saturday and its OPs fault? Get a grip!

She is on her period if you actually read her post!

Willow2017 · 26/08/2017 16:57

I'd be pissed off too. He can go to the bathroom if he is that desperate.

'His body' really so he can do anything he likes with 'his body' even though its disturbing other people at 6.30 in the morning who have asked him not to do that? What nonsense. Have a little respect for other people, what you 'want' doesnt mean you can put other people out to do what the hell you like.

Thatssomecatchthatcatch22 · 26/08/2017 17:04

If you haven't given your consent for this, the fact that he is performing a sex act in your presence means he is actually committing a sexual assault against you.

Ropsleybunny · 26/08/2017 17:10

Completely out of order. If anyone woke me on a Saturday morning at 6.30am I'd be mightily pissed off.

In the first place, it's disrespectful to wake you up and secondly you've told him not to do it.

Stern words required and if he takes no notice LTB>

eyebrowsonfleek · 26/08/2017 17:12

Does he have a penis beaker next to his bed?

Seriously I think yanbu.

Circumlocutor · 26/08/2017 17:13

Assault?

Happyhippy45 · 26/08/2017 17:17

My DH used to do this regularly. He'd wake up early and couldn't get back to sleep, so he'd have a wank.......and in the process wake me up.
I put up with it for a while. It was marginally better then being poked in the back until he got the message I wasn't up for an early morning shag.
BUT when I finally asked him to please stop as it was waking me up, he did. I didn't bring it up until we were both out of bed to save embarrassment. If he'd carried on doing it after I'd asked him not to I'd be really fucked off with him.

BlueberryPuffin · 26/08/2017 17:23

It's weird. I would tell him how weird it is. If one of my mates told me he did this, I'd laugh in his face and call him a freak. Don't let him normalise it.

If he still kept doing it, I'd probably break up with him in the end. Nobody wants to be with a weird masturbating pervert.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 26/08/2017 17:32

It's a bit American Beauty that's for sure!

MsHarry · 26/08/2017 17:33

Find that a bit weird. Private or mutual in my book.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 26/08/2017 17:34

Find that a bit weird. Private or mutual in my book

How is mutual masturbation weird?

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