Step daughter's horrible texts

[sunnysideup1971]

I posted last week about a row I had with DP. For those who remember the thread, my darling dog is absolutely fine and more spoiled than ever. Thank goodness. DP and I have had lots of very long, soul searching conversations and although many will say he's an abusing bastard who'll do it again, I have a lot to weigh up and think leaving him for this one time action would be rash.

The reason for this second post is the events since then with DSD. She overheard the row and comforted her dad. She was unaware at this point he'd kicked my dog. Nothing was said the following day or for remainder of their time with us. After she went home she text me the most hurtful message telling me she was disgusted and ashamed of me for saying what I did to her dad. I didn't want to go into it so asked her dad to explain it was a row between us, adults have rows, it got out of hand, he kicked the dog and I went crazy! She said she didn't give a flying fuck about the dog!!! She has always loved him to bits and he sleeps with her when she's over.

She won't see any reasoning and her dad won't tell her to mind her own business.

What do I do?

You're annoyed with the wrong person. Dsd hasn't done anything wrong.

Of course dsd is going to take her dad's side over yours. He's her dad and if your relationship fails she'll never see you again.

Of course she's going to say she doesn't care- she's a teen and obviously loves her dad more than the dog.

Of course your h won't put her straight and admit he's an abusive prick. She'll be thinking if it was as bad as you said then you'd have left him.

If you choose not to protect yourself, then okay. But you have a DP who kicked that poor dog across the room, and a DSD who 'doesn't care' about the dog. Please, please remove the dog from that situation - because the dog doesn't have that choice.

You won't take a stand against your h to protect the dog and yourself. Why do you expect dsd to do it? She's a child, leave her out of the argument that is between you/dog and your h.

Did you lie to the vet because you're scared the boyfriend will attack you next?

You can make choices about your own life-fine. Stay with this abusive wanker and let him treat you like a punchbag. That is your choice.

Please re-home the dog though. The dog has no choices and you are lying to professionals about how it was hurt-that is truly heartbreaking. The dog is clearly very far from being safe whilst you choose to live there and it is selfish of you to put an animal in that sort of situation.

Op nothing you say will make any difference to her. He has not told her the truth, he has no interest in correcting her and it's probably not the first time he's done this with her.

DSD is a child. No wonder she speaks that way; she has abhorrent examples of humanity trying to raise her; one who gets mad and kicks dogs when he fancies it, the other who lies to vets to cover the utterly shameful fact that she allowed someone to treat her pet that way and then took the fucker back. If the adults in her life have no control over themselves then no wonder she has no control over herself.

Your poor DSD is probably headfucked from the nonsense.

You're a fool.

At the very least rehome your poor dog. Whether he attacks him again or not (he will) the poor thing must be terrified.

You're not getting the supportive responses you want because you are enabling an abuser. You're protecting him and enabling him to abuse your dog. And now you're seeking to make Mumsnetters complicit in the abuse by asking for advice on how to silence your step-daughter and prevent her reacting to the abusive situation she's in the middle of.

OP have you discussed the fact that he assaulted you in your long chats? I know everyone is concerned about the dog, I'm worried about you, it starts with a push, or a shove and slowly escalates to throwing things around, towards you "by accident" shoving, grabbing, slapping, hitting, and, in some cases, death. It's hard to hear, but that is the reality for a lot of women.

OP, you didn't want judgement? It seems that on your previously posts, you had advice and concern along with much support. But. YOU are an adult. You make your own choices. Animals can't. They rely on OUR good judgement.

I hope you can sort yourself out, really I do. But in the meantime, sort out the dog.

OP the very least you can do if you're not going to leave him is to re home your dog to a family that will give a shit enough about him to not allow him around animal abusers.

You asked for advice on what to do about your SD, OP. We gave it to you: remove the cause of her abusive texts by getting the hell away from that man. You refused to listen. What is the point of you posting on here if you're simply going to ignore the advice you asked for?

At the very least send the dog back to your family, call it a 'holiday' but both you and your p will know the real reason. I suspect that without a dog to take his temper out on he'll look at you. Then, maybe, you'll get yourself out. But at least the dog will be safe.

You're projecting your anger onto your SD, because all she's doing is being the mouthpiece for her dad. He is the one in the wrong, and deep down you know this, but can't/won't blame him.
For the record, DP has a dog and it's very much his dog (I'm a cat person) but if he ever hurt her, I'd boot him out and keep the dog!