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AIBU?

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Original poster

Step daughter's horrible texts

165 replies

sunnysideup1971 · 26/08/2017 13:13

I posted last week about a row I had with DP. For those who remember the thread, my darling dog is absolutely fine and more spoiled than ever. Thank goodness. DP and I have had lots of very long, soul searching conversations and although many will say he's an abusing bastard who'll do it again, I have a lot to weigh up and think leaving him for this one time action would be rash.

The reason for this second post is the events since then with DSD. She overheard the row and comforted her dad. She was unaware at this point he'd kicked my dog. Nothing was said the following day or for remainder of their time with us. After she went home she text me the most hurtful message telling me she was disgusted and ashamed of me for saying what I did to her dad. I didn't want to go into it so asked her dad to explain it was a row between us, adults have rows, it got out of hand, he kicked the dog and I went crazy! She said she didn't give a flying fuck about the dog!!! She has always loved him to bits and he sleeps with her when she's over.

She won't see any reasoning and her dad won't tell her to mind her own business.

What do I do?

OP posts:
BitchQueen90 · 26/08/2017 14:45

I don't understand how you can forgive a DP for kicking a dog but his DD sends you a nasty text and that's what you're up in arms about? Confused she is probably just learning her behaviour from her horrible father.

Threads like this depress me and honestly make me glad I'm single. I'd hate to have a partner like that. Your DP is a bully, taking his anger out on a defenceless animal.

ohfourfoxache · 26/08/2017 14:45

Rehome your dog. If you really love him/her, don't subject them to this abuse.

So this has happened but it's ok because you've been together a whole 3 years? Yeah, to do something so infrequently he sounds like a fucking prince amongst men Hmm

You have a choice. The dog doesn't.

SukiTheDog · 26/08/2017 14:47

What? You live with a man who kicks an animal because the two of you were rowing? I haven't read the entire thread; I know I won't like it. Fuck the SD and your so-called "man". Take the dog and leave. If it's your house, get rid of him and the nasty SD. If you cannot do either...at least have the dog rehomed.

Disgusting. Grow up. Smell the coffee. I hate animal abuse and those who perpetrate/enable it.

SukiTheDog · 26/08/2017 14:48

This thread has incensed me. If I knew where you were, I'd be on to the rspca.

CatsGoPurrrr · 26/08/2017 14:49

What do you have to 'weigh up'?

Your partner kicked your dog.

He. Kicked. Your. Dog.
Out of spite.

FFS woman: forget about the texts and get this abusI've man out of your life.
At the very least, re-home your poor dog.

MrsC2000 · 26/08/2017 14:52

If she's old enough to think she can send nasty texts and comment on you're relationship then she's old enough to be told that it's none of her business.

BlueberryPuffin · 26/08/2017 14:52

OP, I think you need to examine your own sense of worth and self-esteem.

Why would anyone stay with a guy who argues with them, shoves them, kicks their dog, and cries to his teenage daughter? He sounds like a pathetic loser. I'm sure you can do better.

SukiTheDog · 26/08/2017 14:54

I say again.... "who gives a fuck about the SD?"

OP, you should be ashamed to put an innocent animal in this position. Would you feel differently if it were a child?

I think you sound as bad....why are you not outraged?

hatsoncats · 26/08/2017 14:58

You asked for advice last time he abused you & kicked your dog.

You ignored all the advice.

Now its worse, but you're staying, and you want MORE advice?

Send your dog to a caring home and invest in counselling for your DSD.

Peace out - and so am I.

FizzyGreenWater · 26/08/2017 15:04

think leaving him for this one time action would be rash.

Well now you can see that it's not a one time action, it's a pattern of abusive behaviour which is now showing in his DD's behaviour as a result of him emotionally abusing her too - manipulating, involving her in adult situations. So you're suffering for that today, as is his poor DD who probably does care very much about the dog and is probably very confused and unhappy, and is lashing out as she simply doesn't know what behaviour is expected of her and she is afraid to do anything except support her dad in case he turns on her next (she heard the row, remember).

Once again, LTB.

Original poster
sunnysideup1971 · 26/08/2017 15:06

My dog was checked out by the vet earlier this week. I am incensed by his behaviour but my situation means leaving is a very difficult option. I need to make the most of it. My dog is very safe, he goes with me everywhere.

OP posts:
feathermucker · 26/08/2017 15:08

Get your bloody priorities right!

He kicked your dog....across the room. He pushed you.

You are trivializing this incident completely.

But it's ok because you've had a deep and meaningful conversation or two!

When will you be rehoming the dog.......it isn't safe, nor are you. By staying with him, you're condoning his abuse.

Amatree · 26/08/2017 15:10

Your dog clearly isn't safe and when (not if) he does the same again, or worse, you will be equally responsible as you have knowingly exposed your dog to an animal abuser. I hope you'll be able to live with that, I know I couldn't. Poor innocent animal has no one willing to protect it.

SolomanDaisy · 26/08/2017 15:10

Didn't he also push you across the room? Did you explain to his DD he'd been violent to you as well as the dog? Has that been discussed in your long chats?

diddl · 26/08/2017 15:11

How an you not just hate this person for what they did to your dog?

It's unforgiveable imo.

Brazenhussy0 · 26/08/2017 15:12

my situation means leaving is a very difficult option. I need to make the most of it.

Op - no. Just no.

You do not have to make the most of it. There is no situation you could possibly be in which means staying with the abusive arsehole is your only option.
You must leave him, for your dog's safety and your own safety. Because this will escalate.

Please listen to what everyone is telling you and stop burying your head in the sand.

Fairenuff · 26/08/2017 15:13

How did your dog get hurt if he was 'very safe' with you in your house?

Don't pretend not to understand what we are all saying.

And don't pretend that you are incensed by his behaviour because you're not. If you were you'd be out that door.

I don't know, it takes all sorts, maybe you like your men like this. Why else would you be with him?

WomblingThree · 26/08/2017 15:13

She's a teenage girl and you are her father's shag. You mean nothing to her so why on earth would you expect her to care. Block her number and get over it.

Leaving a random bloke you are shacked up with isn't that difficult if you have no kids. You are an adult who has made a choice to stay with an abusive twat. That's your bed to lie in. Your poor dog doesn't have that choice. Rehome him and let him live with people who love him rather than kick him for fuck's sake.

FizzyGreenWater · 26/08/2017 15:13

I am incensed by his behaviour but my situation means leaving is a very difficult option

Well just say it then. You know he's violent and abusive but you choose not to leave now for either financial or personal reasons.

Folk are here to help with that too.

Maybe the first step is simply calling him what he is. And realising that a good future doesn't have him in it... and going from there.

nocoolnamesleft · 26/08/2017 15:13

Reasons not to trust him:

He pushed you
He kicked your dog
He's manipulating you emotionally
He's manipulating your daughter emotionally
The manipulation strongly implies he feels not remorse

I would highly recommend LTB. If you won't, please rehome your dog, before they really get hurt.

Nanny0gg · 26/08/2017 15:13

My dog is very safe, he goes with me everywhere.

He was with you when your partner kicked him!

This makes me so angry. You're not going to listen. No -one on here is going to give you the answers you want.

I know I don't have to read this thread, but I actually want to 'smack you upside the head'
What do you expect to happen? A miracle?

kittybiscuits · 26/08/2017 15:14

This is a sideshow. LTB

FizzyGreenWater · 26/08/2017 15:14

Oh and your dog isn't safe.

How do you work that one out? He goes everywhere with you - and you are with a violent cunt - and that's why he got kicked hard enough to have to be checked out by the vet. BECAUSE OF WHERE YOU WERE AT THE TIME.

Don't lie and say your dog is safe.

WomblingThree · 26/08/2017 15:15

Also, I'm assuming you didn't tell your vet why you were having the dog checked out. If I was a vet and someone brought their dog in that some twat had kicked, I would do everything in my power to remove that dog.

Theimpossiblegirl · 26/08/2017 15:17

Leaving is rarely easy, but it is usually best.
Do you live in his home or yours? Can you manage financially on your own?
Even if you don't leave immediately, you can plan to. Start saving, start planning. By all means bide you time but don't be a fool, a time will come when you have to leave for your own safety and well being, not just your poor dog's.