To not let DD have any more friends round for the rest of the holidays?

[MainFlamingo]

DD (13) has been taking the piss pretty much all holiday, constantly bringing different friends round who don't respect other peoples' houses and make mess and are just generally uncouth.

Yesterday I went out and when I got home she had 7 friends round, and between them they'd moved all the sofas in the living room, put drinks on our brand new furniture with no coasters, spilt drinks over the sofa an d made a mess, and ordered a pizza which they'd eaten at the kitchen table and left it in a state with food smeared on the table and floor.

She's just let another friend round to 'use the toilet' who was on her period and said friend left blood all over the toilet seat, all over the floor and a used pad on the bathroom floor. I phoned DD and made her come back and clean it up herself, which caused a huge tantrum from her.

I'm just bloody sick of coming home and she's had another different friend round and whole place is dirty and a mess. I don't mind her having friends round that I know will behave and not trash the house but surely it's not part of parenting to just accept your home is going to get ruined?

AIBU to not let DD have any friends round for the rest of the holidays and then after that only let her have friends round that I know are well behaved kids?

It's a great book MsHarry wish my parents had read it when I was a teenager.

No way. She can go and trash their houses instead.

And forbid the borrowing of the bike.

Eventually when you think she has got the message she can invite one friend round on condition that she doesn't get anyone around again if the house isn't respected. Build up from there.

You need to make sure it's easier for her to upset them than upset you.

Kitty's idea was brilliant. Pity it's been cleaned up. That is such skanky behaviour it's unbelievable.

So OP How are you currently dealing with her bad behaviour? What form of discipline have you tried?

I'm sure you did try lots of different strategies darth, but in the end it's about what you want out of the exchange.

If you're happy with sarcasm and passive aggression and it works for your family, go for it.

I'm so so glad I won't have to deal with any of this crap.

Firstly you are far from being unreasonable.

What sort of friends leave blood everywhere and a sanitary towel on the floor? That is absolutely disgusting. Was she raised in a barn? That would definitely be one friend who would not be returning.

I agree with the person who said take wifi/allowance/phone etc away from her until she learns how to clean up after herself. Let her strop. She's 13 not 30. She's going to have to get a grip on herself and treat you with some respect instead of treating you like hired help and get some respect for the home she lives in.

Period blood. My god.

It sounds like she has a very large and random friendship group for a 13 year old. Do you know who they all are and what she's up to when she's out?

Yanbu.

Tell DD she can go to anyone of the random friends houses for the rest of holidays.

My bet is they aren't allowed there either for same reason!

Well yes , and just checked, no exclamation marks on my post so it's inaccurate to pop those quotation marks on there.

Sorry, wrong thread.

In my house we don't eat upstairs. This came up at work, apparently this will change when we have teens. No, it won't. I might lighten up on the no eating in the front room, but we have a kitchen and a dining room, those are the food rooms. Growing up we ate in the kitchen, and very occasionally in the front room. I genuinely can't remember any of us having a row about it. Unless it involves whipped cream and things a 13 year old shouldn't be doing, food has no place in the bedroom.
Ban friends and let them back when she meets your standards. Then, as pp said, one at a time, with express consent each time. Can't contact you? No friend round.

Can you talk with her about what friendship is and how a good friend with manners is respectful when visiting someone's home? Ask some open questions about what sort of friends she would most like, and try to guide her into inviting some of the better-behaved people she likes. Make it clear to your DD that as well as you, she has herself been disrespected by these "friends" by their behaviour in her home. Say she deserves to enjoy the company of people who are much less selfish.

Oh and no more "random" visitors! If you have never heard of them, they don't come round.

You need to take back control. It's your house - you make the rules. DD has no more friends until she can demonstrate that she can take responsibility for her own shit. At 13, she should be tidying her own room. She should also be doing her own laundry/contributing to the household one and helping to clean/tidy communal areas

🤢 Yanbu

Is your dd cleaning each time her friends come round? I would not allow this at all. The sanitary pad girl is bonkers. Why would someone do that?

@SuburbanRhonda

I do what works and am pretty unapologetic about it.

Given I've got two well adjusted, tidy teenagers who are doing very well at school I don't think I've done too badly.

Just because I haven't read "the book" doesn't mean (as you implied) I'm a shit parent.

There are tons of parenting books out there and frankly a lot of them are utter tosh. All great in theory but practically....well less said the better.

I didn't imply anything of the sort.

I said if sarcasm and passsive aggression works for you and your family, fine. It wouldn't work for me and perhaps others, but that's of no relevance to you as you've found strategies you are happy with.

I suggested the book to the OP (not to you) as she seemed to be at her wits' end and I thought she might find it helpful.

I think you've extrapolated way too much from my post.

Your DD sounds like a over-indulged spoiled brat with friends of a similar ilk op. i hope she behaves better when she goes to other people's homes? Or is this common behaviour from her friends?
Thankfully I never experienced anything like this when my DCs were teenagers!

To be honest I would be worried about dd hanging out with people who felt this was acceptable.

DS has mates round a lot, two rules are the house needs to be ok to have guests and then needs to be ok after. They are older teens and very much like Perry with their yes Mrs Patterson ways, anyone remember that from Harry Enfield?

Your doing too much for her, as much as DS gets irritated when I interrupt him he has to do chores. always has and I haven't done his room for years.

YANBU

I think sarcasm is quite powerful and it makes me feel better tbh if I've had run ins with mine in the past.

No wonder she has 'hundreds' of friends. None of thier parents would put up with that at thier house!

Stop this now. Your house your rules no friends till she learns respect. X number of friends only. They do not make a mess but any accidental mess is cleaned up straight away and they don't leave until it's done.

They sound like a pack of animals.

My kids had friends round at that age but mess was cleaned up at the end and none of them were disrespectful.

I can not imagine someone leaving that mess in a bathroom it's beyond disgusting and she had the cheek to be upset you were cross? What does she do at home if that's what she does in someone else's house?