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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wish parents wouldn't boast about their children's specific GCSE grades on social media?

180 replies

Screamifuwant2gofaster · 24/08/2017 17:39

I've got no problem with messages like 'Congratulations Jake, you've worked so hard. You deserve this.'

I just hate it when exact grades are given. E.g. Congratulations Oliver on gaining 5A*, 3A and a level 8 in English'.

Just feels unnecessary and guaranteed to cause upset to others. Shouldn't we be encouraging our children to just do the best they can? Success will be different for different people.
Of course teenagers will share their grades themselves anyway.
I've got a friend whose daughter got very high results...the parents put the results all over social media. How proud they are of their 'genius, perfect daughter'. Their other daughter is a year younger...she is far less academic. Not likely to achieve anything like sister's grades. Wonder how she feels.

What do people think?

OP posts:
MrsBartlet · 24/08/2017 22:20

We can celebrate our children doing well but there is no need to be specific about grades.

Valuedopinion · 24/08/2017 22:21

So the kids who don't do so well haven't worked " bloody hard" ? How do you know that? What nonsense

That, unfortunately is the mentality of some people. They grow up to be the same ones who think that those who work hardest, earn the most.

I repeat, no bitter grapes from me, I have a very lucky life, it's a lot of luck though and a bit of hard work.

Saysomething88 · 24/08/2017 22:21

I'm the opposite! About 5 mums have posted saying they're proud. I want to know what grades!

tiggytape · 24/08/2017 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

isittheholidaysyet · 24/08/2017 22:22

Clawdy
No, they may have worked hard too.

But so have the ones who have done well.

The last place runner worked very hard. Still lost though.

grandOlejukeofYork · 24/08/2017 22:23

I've seen a few of those, a few A, a few A's, a few B's and a few C's, and just thought.... Meh.... really? Pretty bloody average, why are they posting?*

That's not average at all.

VelvetSpoon · 24/08/2017 22:23

A 16 year old is still a minor in legal terms (I know because I've just had this argument with a quasi legal body) therefore no school should be putting their details in the paper without first clearing it with parents! My crappy school was doing that 20 odd years ago, it's not rocket science.

Let's not conflate celebrating achievement with bragging. expressing pride in your kid is all fine and dandy, making a braggy post about how many A*s they get is just wank. It's on a par with photos of massed piles of presents under the Xmas tree.

milliemolliemou · 24/08/2017 22:24

I think it's up to the teenagers to decide to post their results on social media. Not their parents - except for a congratulations and we're proud type message. Anything else is gross.

RebelRogue · 24/08/2017 22:24

This thread reminds me of a relative of mine,in a foreign country,in a lovely city. She spent half the time looking oh other people's fb holiday posts,being bitter and wondering where they got the money from and moaning how other people are so lucky,she never goes anywhere etc. Hmm

Valuedopinion · 24/08/2017 22:24

It's on a par with photos of massed piles of presents under the Xmas tree

That was exactly what was just running through my head too, or the twats who post photos of their new cars.

Roomster101 · 24/08/2017 22:26

You should be in a happy mood if your dc results were so amazing as to be in the paper, not being aggressive to people on the internet who happen to have a different opinion to you.

I didn't say that she had got her GCSE results today. I'm not being aggressive- I just happen to have a different opinion to you on the subject of whether it is okay to celebrate children's achievements.

Valuedopinion · 24/08/2017 22:26

How is it bitter? I am pretty sure that my dc results were up there with the best, I still think it's braggy and crass.

Valuedopinion · 24/08/2017 22:26

Celebrate equals posting on a Facebook page. Righto

grandOlejukeofYork · 24/08/2017 22:27

That's kind of the point I was making though. If they've done the latter, the former is unnecessary, therefore the post isn't really intended for the kid, it's for everyone else on fb

Of course it's for everyone else on FB, isn't that obvious?

I think some of you are confused as to how FB works and what it is. You see all those names on your page under "friends"? You've chosen those people. You've actively decided you want to see what they have to post. Nobody made you.
When those people post, its not like shouting at strangers in the street, it's talking to people who have chosen to listen, ie YOU. They are, supposedly, your friends.

So if you couldn't give a fuck how their kids did and think its bragging, you don't have to read it. You can unfriend, or block, or just ignore. But it's pretty twatty to complain about people posting about things that matter a lot to them when you have chosen to read it.

VelvetSpoon · 24/08/2017 22:28

I wouldn't tell anyone what grades my DC got.

I've had colleagues angling to know. All the 'oh how did your DS do Velvet, Doris in Accounts* daughter got all As...'

I just say he did well/ got what he needed to. Leaving them a bit slack jawed but fuck it, it's NOTB.

*name and dept have been changed Grin

Roomster101 · 24/08/2017 22:30

They do. We had a child under the witness protection scheme (one example) so photos have to authorised by parents for release.

Yes, but if parents haven't specifically stated that they don't want their children to be in photos it is assumed that they are okay with it.

Alexkate2468 · 24/08/2017 22:35

Academic achievement should absolutely be celebrated. Why does the general trend in society edge further towards viewing acknowledging excellence as offensive or bragging? I hate the expectation of false modesty more. If the kids have done well, then celebrate. Also, for those saying mediocre achievements shouldn't be posted about - why not? Surely it can also be about a cold reaching their own potential and not being compared to others. Oh, and the absolute unconditional love you have for your own children can make you want to shout the smallest achievements from the rooftop. My baby clapped today (hardly a MENSA level achievement) but there's a video on fb and yes, I'm proud.

Roomster101 · 24/08/2017 22:39

A 16 year old is still a minor in legal terms (I know because I've just had this argument with a quasi legal body) therefore no school should be putting their details in the paper without first clearing it with parents! My crappy school was doing that 20 odd years ago, it's not rocket science.

They certainly don't ask permission. At DDs school they only ask at the beginning of year 7 whether parents have any objection to their children being in photos.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 24/08/2017 22:41

Roomster I take it you don't have children at school (I'm not being sarky) you have to tick the box re photography etc every year, I just assume if you had children at school you would know this. Every child is flags on the MIS with a publicity marker. That's covers any news letters, school website, new paper, publicity material.

Its for a variety of safeguarding reasons.

There are no if/but/what ifs - if the box isn't ticked that allows photos to be published, that childs photos will not be going to he news paper. This is why schools submit their own and hacks are not invited to school events (as a rule)

kmc1111 · 24/08/2017 22:41

Why is it always the academic stuff people feel should be hidden away?

I've never seen anyone suggest it's wrong to, say, acknowledge and celebrate that someone didn't just run a race, they won it. Or didn't just get a role in a play, but got the lead.

Migraleve · 24/08/2017 22:47

Why don't these people tell their kids they're proud to their faces, rather than posting on fb?

Thanks for the heads up, I will be sure to do that when it's DC2's turn next year Hmm

LockedOutOfMN · 24/08/2017 22:49

To wish parents wouldn't boast about their children's specific GCSE grades on social media? OP, you are perfectly reasonable. I'm a teacher (and head of Year 11) and I'm really proud of all of my students, but I hate these statuses.

Roomster101 · 24/08/2017 22:51

Roomster I take it you don't have children at school (I'm not being sarky) you have to tick the box re photography etc every year, I just assume if you had children at school you would know this. Every child is flags on the MIS with a publicity marker. That's covers any news letters, school website, new paper, publicity material.

Yes, I do have children in school. You may have to tick a box every year in your area to give permission but that isn't how it works where I live. Permission is assumed unless we tick a box to say that we don't want our children in publicity photos. We aren't asked each year and certainly not on every occasion. Therefore, I was not asked if I was happy for my child to be in the local paper. It was assumed that I was because I didn't tick a box to say that I objected when she enrolled in the school.

LockedOutOfMN · 24/08/2017 23:30

Permission is assumed unless we tick a box to say that we don't want our children in publicity photos. We aren't asked each year and certainly not on every occasion. Therefore, I was not asked if I was happy for my child to be in the local paper. It was assumed that I was because I didn't tick a box to say that I objected when she enrolled in the school.

This is also the case at the school where I work and which my children attend. Parents are asked once, when their child joins, if they wish to opt out of the automatically assumed agreement to the publishing of images and videos.

HPFA · 25/08/2017 07:48

*Why is it always the academic stuff people feel should be hidden away?

I've never seen anyone suggest it's wrong to, say, acknowledge and celebrate that someone didn't just run a race, they won it. Or didn't just get a role in a play, but got the lead.*

Imagine you had a friend who was in financial trouble. You might feel happy telling them that you won a fiver on the office sweepstake -you might take them to the pub and buy them a drink. Would you invite them to a celebration if you won £100,000? Or would you understand that they might have difficulty sharing your joy?

Winning a race on school sports day is not the same as passing the 11+ or getting 10 A*s at GCSE. People are always saying "why is academic success not seen as important as sporting success" when it's precisely BECAUSE everyone knows that for 99.9% of people it IS more important that most of us try to be sensitive about it.

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