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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish parents wouldn't boast about their children's specific GCSE grades on social media?

180 replies

Screamifuwant2gofaster · 24/08/2017 17:39

I've got no problem with messages like 'Congratulations Jake, you've worked so hard. You deserve this.'

I just hate it when exact grades are given. E.g. Congratulations Oliver on gaining 5A*, 3A and a level 8 in English'.

Just feels unnecessary and guaranteed to cause upset to others. Shouldn't we be encouraging our children to just do the best they can? Success will be different for different people.
Of course teenagers will share their grades themselves anyway.
I've got a friend whose daughter got very high results...the parents put the results all over social media. How proud they are of their 'genius, perfect daughter'. Their other daughter is a year younger...she is far less academic. Not likely to achieve anything like sister's grades. Wonder how she feels.

What do people think?

OP posts:
Bluelonerose · 24/08/2017 17:58

I think if parents are proud of their kids go for it.
However what I think is unfair is when the schools boast in the local paper about how many a* the school got. How about some recognition for those kids that struggle to pass surely that's just as much to be proud of?

MrsColinJackson · 24/08/2017 17:58

When my kids do especially well at something, yes I would acknowledge their achievement and encourage them to do it too, of course I would also be very proud of them to.
I have never yet posted anything on social media, school newsletters etc because I personally feel that it's one thing to acknowledge an achievement and to feel proud but to post it everywhere is just showing off and it's not a trait I admire.
These achievements can be very individual, one persons A grade may be different to another's A grade for example, one person may find academia easier than another, one person may have to put in double the amount of work to achieve the same grade or have experienced other adversity to get to the same point. Some will get A grades in academic subjects others will excel in vocational courses and workplace training.
Success can come in so many ways at different times in people's lives that I don't like to see it posted everywhere, I like to see people just recognise their achievements, use them wisely and get on with it.

BertrandRussell · 24/08/2017 18:00

I hate the "congratulations" without specifics posts.

Partly because I am incredibly nosy, but mostly because I like to know so I can be pleased and excited for my friends and their children.

Valuedopinion · 24/08/2017 18:00

I think the assumption here is that parents who have children with c's will somehow be upset by those children who got a's

It's not an assumption, it's true. I have a friend who was incredibly upset about a mutual friend doing this last year.

carefreeeee · 24/08/2017 18:00

I agree that about not posting the grades but not so much in case others feel bad (there will always be someone who did better/worse than everyone) but because it's private for the child and up to them who they tell. Their proud mum may of course mention the grades in person to grandma/close friends but it's not their business to shout this all over. Seems very boasty to me

ITCouldBeWorse · 24/08/2017 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PetitFilous123 · 24/08/2017 18:04

value I think the problem in that scenario lies with your friend o be honest, if they have tied their child's success or failure to a friends child in that way.

Be proud of your kids. Whether they scrape a pass, tank the lot, or get 9's across the board.

Your friends kids doing better didn't make your kids do worse. That's not how it works.

HighwayDragon1 · 24/08/2017 18:04

I wish academic success was celebrated as much as sporting success are.

Leeds2 · 24/08/2017 18:04

I didn't do this for my DD's results, partly because I think it is a bit tacky and also because I think it is her news to share, not mine. But I like reading how other people's DC have done.
I think for A Levels, most people seem to say "Congratulations to John who has got a place to read English at Leeds," rather than well done on getting A, A, B. Possibly easier for others to read.

BakedBeans47 · 24/08/2017 18:05

Mine aren't at this stage yet but I think that when they are it's their news to share with their friends not mine

coddiwomple · 24/08/2017 18:06

I wish academic success was celebrated as much as sporting success are.

they are!
at least they are around me. I do know quite a few kids young adults who seem to excel in both, so you can obviously do both.

Bobbins43 · 24/08/2017 18:07

I don't see why people shouldn't celebrate their results. I wish my parents had made a bigger deal of mine. I don't think they said much at all.

Runninglateeveryday · 24/08/2017 18:09

Its harder for the teenagers DDs Snapchat was inundated with certificates and "what did you get", a few moaning about "I only got 5 A's. DD got three 1's , she only took 3 but she tried she has additional needs and I really despise the education system for saying all children's "have" to do them when they are predicted U's all along , how soul destroying for them.

Copperspot · 24/08/2017 18:10

I don't see the problem tbh. My friend's son got his results and she posted them on fb. He has had a shit year and struggled with some personal issues. He got very 'average/poor' grades, but he got his maths and english scores he needed to get on his college course. I'm chuffed to bits for him!

There is nothing wrong with being proud of your kid's results! If your child was in a football match you wouldn't put "well done josh for playing footie" if they had won would you?!

I hate this idea that you shouldn't be proud because someone might feel bad. Obviously i don't mean rubbing peoples faces in it.

WorkingBling · 24/08/2017 18:11

I think if we stop celebrating achievements of some of us because not everyone can achieve the same things we are spiralling down a hole of mediocrity. I know that for me and my parents, my C in science was a much bigger deal than my A in English because we all knew how bloody hard I had to work to get that C and the fact that I was super close to a B was just dazzling to us.

Of course it's hard if your child has worked hard and hasn't got the results they'd like. Or even deserve. But that doesn't mean we should bring down those who did.

This attitude really worries me. Yes, there's a fine line between between being proud of something and being boastful, but in most cases I honestly think people are just proud and happy but certain people are very quick to see them as boastful and mean.

BubbleAnimal · 24/08/2017 18:13

Yabu, would you say the same about someone posting that their child came first in a race, or won the league with their football team? No, because we celebrate those kinds of firsts. But get top grades in your GCSEs? Shhhhh just in case someone else feels bad.

Bollocks. Let them sing. It's bloody hard work, and you know what if their child got 7A* and 5As then bloody well done to them. If they got 5Cs and 7Ds and worked their socks off, well kudos to them, they're bloody brilliant.

FlakeBook · 24/08/2017 18:13

For me it's not about making others feel bad about not getting such good grades. It's about not wanting to put pressure on my children to achieve good grades. Their grades are private to them and have no bearing on whether or not I'm proud of them.

I was quite academic and the praise and pride were not positive things. They encouraged me to need to perform and feel more pressure. It's a long way to fall if you're built up like that.

The achievement is the reward. Parents getting excited are showing off to their friends. It's about them basking in reflected glory,not about the child.

amazonEcho · 24/08/2017 18:14

I wish society would stop racing to the bottom.

I haven't seen any 'grades posts' but at the same time, don't think it should remain secret to protect lesser-achievers.

Valuedopinion · 24/08/2017 18:15

Your friends kids doing better didn't make your kids do worse. That's not how it works

Isn't it about consideration for other people or does no one give a toss about that any more?

Wouldn't it be wonderful if all children were resilient beings and their self worth not tied up in exam results or passingthe 11plus?

The fact is that they are not all resilient and no one is saying not to celebrate but plastering it all over FB is just a bit obnoxious in my opinion. Like showing off your new car to a friend who has no money.

No axe to grind from me as (so far) my three have all done well, but seriously, I hate the FB showing off.

My friend knew that the other one's son bombed his GCSEs, she knew that he would have to leave his sixth form, yet she posted his six A stars and three As up.

Valuedopinion · 24/08/2017 18:16

Are people still comparing it to sporting success? Does it ever occur to you that some kids not being academic does not equal being good at sport?

Can it be imagined that some are crap at both?

SecretlyChartreuse · 24/08/2017 18:17

Just take comfort in the fact that if they're boasting about GSCE results, the remaining parental boasting will be few and far between.

PurpleDoggy · 24/08/2017 18:18

YABU.

Boast away, it's ok to be proud of academic achievement.

More of this please.

Bluntness100 · 24/08/2017 18:21

This mentality impacts a lot of areas of life

Don't post how much weight you've lost, your dress size, your income, you school grades, your new job, your promotion, your pregnancy, your new house, your new car, your new shoes, your engagement, your holiday, your new watch, your whatever.

Because whatever you have or what ever you've achieved will make someone feel envious and shit because they haven't.

Your either going to feel happy for others or you will feel envious and bad about yourself . You're either the sort of person who will happily exclaim on your good fortune, or you're the sort of person who won't in fear of upsetting others and all shades of grey in between,

I don't think there is a right or wrong to be honest.

Copperspot · 24/08/2017 18:21

But everyone is good at something. Whether that be school / sport / art / cooking / making people laugh / telling stories, etc. It's like saying you can't be proud of anything just in case someone is offended.

coddiwomple · 24/08/2017 18:21

I dread the day when everybody will get an A for taking part.

I don't care what other people think about my kids results, but I bloody well put pressure on them to have decent results, that's their only jobs! They have a great life, take part in everything they want, have all the support they need, go to very good schools, if they fail or are mediocre they are just being lazy. Everybody is better at some subjects than others of course, and you tailor everything to the individuals, but not achieving at least a good result is not acceptable.

The young girl who took part in the exams after escaping the Grenfell fire deserves special recognition and even special marking if needed. My kids do not.