Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wish parents wouldn't boast about their children's specific GCSE grades on social media?

180 replies

Screamifuwant2gofaster · 24/08/2017 17:39

I've got no problem with messages like 'Congratulations Jake, you've worked so hard. You deserve this.'

I just hate it when exact grades are given. E.g. Congratulations Oliver on gaining 5A*, 3A and a level 8 in English'.

Just feels unnecessary and guaranteed to cause upset to others. Shouldn't we be encouraging our children to just do the best they can? Success will be different for different people.
Of course teenagers will share their grades themselves anyway.
I've got a friend whose daughter got very high results...the parents put the results all over social media. How proud they are of their 'genius, perfect daughter'. Their other daughter is a year younger...she is far less academic. Not likely to achieve anything like sister's grades. Wonder how she feels.

What do people think?

OP posts:
LizzieVereker · 24/08/2017 19:37

I think posting actual grades is a little but tacky, but that's just personal taste, and I think it's lovely to see parents and friends celebrating with general "Great exam results Lucy/Ahmed" style posts.

It really irritates me that,generally speaking in society, it's fine to advertise sporting prowess but considered uncool or arrogant to support academic success.

TheLittleShirt · 24/08/2017 19:43

I totally agree with you OP. Of course there is nothing wrong with congratulating your child on their success. However do people really think other people are interested in what somebody else child scored. It is a bit like people who think others will be as excited about their holiday snaps as they themselves are. I believe it is a silent boost, my daughter did so much better than anyone expected in her GCSEs, but I am quite sure none of my friends need to know what she got as it does not affect them one bit. I am aware that not all of her friends did as well as her, I certainly will not be rubbing salt into the wounds of the less academic.

HoopyFrood42 · 24/08/2017 19:54

Well, I'm probably older than most of you here. I was one of those children who nearly always came top of the class at primary school. Maybe it just wasn't a particularly academic year but, along with two others, I managed to pass the 11+ exam (see, I told you I was older!)

I can still remember one of the girls who didn't pass saying to me, in a bitter kind of tone, "This means I'll be going to the secondary modern school. I suppose your mum and dad will be going round showing off about your result!" I told her no, they really weren't boasting types.

I thought her snarkiness was a bit OTT but in another way I sort of felt guilty that I'd passed and she hadn't, and sorry for her because maybe she thought she'd be less loved or valued by her parents for not getting through.

Skipping forward in time, I did reasonably OK with O-levels but not brilliantly as I flunked a couple, including maths which I knew I'd need if I wanted to go to university - so I ended up having private tuition. (Incidentally, I would say that if any child today is achieving all top grades in what? 8, 9, 10 subjects then the exams are too easy! Back in my day (hehe, I love being able to say that now!) that would have been unheard of.)

A couple of years back I bought a paperback book (good, but nowhere near a classic) in a charity shop, and the lady who served me mentioned that her nephew had studied that book for GCSE English Lit. I opened my mouth to say, "But whatever happened to Dickens and Austen and the Bronte sisters?!" then closed it again. I didn't want to cause offence but I think in the meantime those exams have become less rigorous.

As for me, I did go to university in the end and I'm now educated to postgraduate level. But actually I felt like my achievements didn't really amount to much compared with some (older) members of the family who managed to get professional qualifications, or get ahead in other ways, without going anywhere near a university, and were driving around in Rolls Royces and Jags, enjoying their millions.

Sure, I'm a real academic type now and can usually answer at least some of the questions on University Challenge, but I'd give that up any day in exchange for a Roller! Wink

As for social media ..... I'm not on Facebook, and know of many others who don't wish to be, or who've left because of that whole "Look at me and my wonderful life" kind of show-offy stuff as described in some posts here. I find all that stuff really naff.

And there's all that research from universities in Denmark, Germany, the US etc to indicate that, certainly with younger people, it's likely to make them less happy or even depressed as they end up comparing themselves with others. According to the happiness experts, that's just about the worst thing you can do! And could well apply to older people too. Stay well away, would be my advice.

I would suggest the best thing is for children to be valued for just who they are, and not for their exam grades. The results don't mean much beyond academic ability anyway, and don't have to be any indication of the child's future success. Remember -- even Einstein didn't do very well at school!

Apologies for this being such an essay ....

RebelRogue · 24/08/2017 19:55

For people agreeing with the OP , make sure you never announce a pregnancy,engagement/marriage, new job,promotion,new house, special events with your parents etc nothing at all.

It seems people are so busy focusing what others have or get,that they forget to appreciate what they have. It makes for a miserable life,but other people achieving did not make it so.

lljkk · 24/08/2017 19:57

"if Johnny won the county chess tournament, or if Johnny won Wimbledon. "

Not everyone enters the country tournament or Wimbledon. Or is legally required to enter both. Those things are very different. GCSEs is a competition you get entered into whether you like it or not. I dare say GCSEs have more impact than the county chess tournament, too.

Also for Wimbledon anyway.. it's not far off a level playing field. You only play a single game if you're already amazeballs good. Nobody is comparing Wimbledon performance to that of the sulking bored 12 yr olds on a damp broken school court in February.

If celebrating 9xA is a success that mustn't be ignored... does that mean the kid who got 9xC is a failure? Else why make such a fuss over the specifics of 9xA? One thing to say you're pleased for them, another to get really specific about what you think is so great and the only specific is the As & A*s.


Oh yeah, I was thinking of the 2000 kids (about 0.35% of total) who got 9s in both English & maths.
HPFA · 24/08/2017 19:57

I'm not sure I do think that boasting about academic success is the same as boasting about sporting, dance or musical success. Very few children who take part in these activities will reach a top level and even fewer will make a living. If your child isn't musical why would it bother you to read about another child getting Grade 5 violin? It's highly unlikely that child will receive any material advantage over yours (although of course the child will benefit in other ways!!).

A child who gains 8 A*s though is likely to have all sorts of significant opportunities over one who got 8 Cs. So boasting about that IS different. Whether you should do it surely depends on the people you know - if your Facebook page is only seen by people who will be pleased or indifferent to the results then go ahead and boast as much as you like. If you know your niece is sobbing with disappointment over her results, then boasting about your own kid probably not the wisest thing to do.

horsesforcorses · 24/08/2017 19:58

I think you're being unreasonable. People boast about all sorts.

pilates · 24/08/2017 20:06

YANBU and I'm not on Facebook for that reason.

Ellisandra · 24/08/2017 20:06

People choose their friends on Facebook.
Know your audience.
Don't see the problem - it's people who have chosen to see the stuff.
Nobody's shoving their posts in a strangers face/feed.

youarenotkiddingme · 24/08/2017 20:06

Can't thats actually not true. My ds is highly intelligent but he has specific learning difficulties, asd and muscle problems that mean even with hard work he'll struggle in some subjects.

I also don't buy the 99/1%.

GCSE are just 1 way of testing ability - especially now it's all exam based it only suits certain students.

TractorTedTed · 24/08/2017 20:07

O think there's a different between being proud and being boastful.

You can be incredibly proud of someone without boasting.

Sadly in the age of social media, I think this fact is somehow overlooked.

And yes, I probably am an old gimmer!

echt · 24/08/2017 20:10

YABVU.

So no-one should celebrate achievement because it might offend another?

I'm teaching Kurt Vonnegut's "Harrison Bergeron" at the moment and thought it a little far-fetched as a concept. Not so sure now.

www.tnellen.com/westside/harrison.pdf

feathermucker · 24/08/2017 20:11

I think it's up to the people concerned what they post tbh.

MiansyMoo · 24/08/2017 20:14

My DD got AAA in her A Levels and I put that on Facebook as otherwise I would have gotten loads of texts asking... For A Levels I posted her results- with her permission- as they are much harder and she really had done well. For GCSE's I wouldn't, just because it's not at that 'level' yet.

I have one DD who is very intelligent, the other who puts in not as much effort but could do as well.

I know my less academically performing DD feels left out sometimes, but at the same time she doesn't put much effort in, never revises despite my encouragement... I may be old fashioned but I won't not praise my high performing DD in case the one who can't be bothered feels left out. I love them both dearly, but younger DD openly admits she can't be bothered to revise.

x2boys · 24/08/2017 20:15

Meh people are proud of their child's achievement my dh daughter passed all her Gcse,s today at grade C and 1B bloody good for her if ds1 manages a few C,s or whatever the equivalent is in 6 years time I,'ll be delighted he really struggles in school ds2 has complex needs so he won'tever be taking Gcse,S but I still delight in any of his achievements.

x2boys · 24/08/2017 20:16

That wasent a sarcastic bloody btw I,m very pleased dh daughter did so well.

PurpleMinionMummy · 24/08/2017 20:20

lljkk

Ok then, if someone posted johnny won 3 golds on sports day. Everyone has to do it, they're all of different sporting abilities. Most wouldn't think twice about johnny's parent posting it on fb. Yet would oppose to them posting about johnny's 3 A's

Lelloteddy · 24/08/2017 20:21

Where were all you fuckers last week when I was absolutely slaughtered for daring to suggest that's for one day only, it would be amazing to be allowed to celebrate academic success Grin

Migraleve · 24/08/2017 20:26

Just feels unnecessary and guaranteed to cause upset to others.

Here's the thing about my Facebook page, it is MY Facebook page. Now in my world that means I post about MY stuff, MY family and anything else I want to. The whole point of people having a social media page is so they can post about their shit.

Never in a million years will I think I shouldn't be proud of my child's achievements because someone else's child didn't get an A Hmm

BeALert · 24/08/2017 20:29

I've really been enjoying finding out how all my friends' kids did. About half of my friends have listed grades, and they've been a mix of amazing, good and not great. Everyone is proud of their child. It's brilliant.

annielouise · 24/08/2017 20:30

I agree OP. I think with FB though it allows you to be crasser than you would be in real life. It's easier to put up XX got 9As as lots of others are and it's not information aimed at any one person (so people can convince themselves they're not hurting anyone), but before FB, and for those of us that don't use it, it seems crasser to stop someone in the street or phone them up to say XX got 9As (apart from family). That seems more clearly boasting. But they're the same thing in essence.

I never wanted to say what they got - good or bad. Yet, you're put in awkward positions by friends who think you actually want to hear their kids' results. What do you say? If you say nothing, as I prefer, they're more likely to think your kid did worse. But sometimes they've actually done better. I feel awkward then pointing this out, as to me that's being a big head, so you're left looking like your kid did worse. I suppose at least you've kept your dignity.

RebelRogue · 24/08/2017 20:32

@Lelloteddy here we are. Celebrate away Grin

Clawdy · 24/08/2017 20:37

YANBU. It is just bragging. Only family are really interested in a child's results. It's the present day equivalent of those sickening boastful round robin letters inside Christmas cards.

VelvetSpoon · 24/08/2017 20:45

My mum always used to say you shouldn't brag or make a big song and dance publicly about something, because it would come back and bite you.

I did very well at school, ended up doing a Law degree at Cambridge. My parents were hugely proud of me but they never made a big thing about it in public. Why rub people's noses in it? The grades don't really matter.

I have never disclosed what grades DS1 got. When asked I said he was pleased with his results. Hopefully I'll be able to say the same for DS2 who forgot to go and collect his results today

BurnTheBlackSuit · 24/08/2017 20:48

I wonder how many children will be cursing their parents for this in years to come when they get found out for telling porkies on the CVs Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread