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Original poster

dd is only going to use gender neutral stuff for her dd?

604 replies

ioliverielinor · 24/08/2017 17:00

hiya,

just looking for views really. is this the new modern parenting? dd2 is expecting a dd herself and has said she would only like gender neutral gifts, i was a bit upset because i think there are some lovely girls clothes, i said will she never put her in dresses, she says no. im a bit surprised really, but yet she is happy to have her hair long, etc.??

just curious if this is the norm now? i have never really heard of it before, dd1 has 3 dc different genders and never had an issue buying them boys and girls items.

im not judging, but think its slightling strange? aibu?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Ttbb · 24/08/2017 17:41

It is most definitely not the norm but she may just be saying that because she doesn't want to be stuck with a whole bunch of pink sparkly presents. I can't stand pink, if I ever have a DD I may just pull the gender neutral card to avoid it myself.

PoppyPopcorn · 24/08/2017 17:41

Wouldn't have a problem with her putting a baby in green/yellow/white/red or any other colours. I did exactly the same with my kids.

if however she's going to tell the baby that she's not a girl but a "person" and starting referring to her as "zir" or some other ridiculous made-up pronoun that's a whole other kettle of fish.

RicottaPancakes · 24/08/2017 17:43

Except for white babygros I don't really think there is such a thing as gender neutral clothing. Most "gender neutral"clothes are really boys clothes aren't they? Dresses aren't "gender neutral" because they are for girls. Well ,if it was acceptable for boys to wear dresses, pink, butterfly motifs etc all clothing would be gender neutral, wouldn't it?

Does your daughter wear "gender neutral" clothes herself?

Dahlietta · 24/08/2017 17:43

Do people seriously only find out the sex of their babies so they can stock up on pink or blue clothing...?
PacificDogwood, totally with you on the camouflage!

GherkinSnatch · 24/08/2017 17:43

It's probably her way of putting you off from buying hideous pink frilly things. DD was given a set which had ruffles on her bum - why?! She was immobile and they only ever got messy and squished.

TheRadiantAerynSun · 24/08/2017 17:44

Children's clothes should be comfortable, practical and suitable for play. that's it really.

My preference is for bright colours and I think children prefer them too; DS lived in reds and yellows and oranges (and pink too.) Neutral doesn't have to mean white or cream.

And I think it does matter...

I remember taking DS to soft play once and there was a little girl in the toddler area in a very pretty dress; not frilly... little embroidered flowers. Cute as a button and everyone admired her and her lovely dress.

Then I watched her for about 30 minutes trying to play. Every time she tried to crawl her knee got caught on the hem of the dress and she fell over; one time right onto her face. She quickly learnt that if she moved slower and more carefully, she wouldn't catch the dress, but it meant she could do the things the other babies who were in leggings, rompers and dungarees could do. I was a little sad to see the exuberance being conditioned out of her so young.

Hulababy · 24/08/2017 17:45

Surely true gender neutral would be to have clothes in all colours and orange of colours inc trousers and dresses - and just use them all regardless of baby being boy or girl.Likewise toys - range of toys inc dolls, dressing up, cars construction, whatever, etc. to be used with girls or boys.

Hopefully she will get her child make their own decisions and choices as soon as she is able - which may well be sooner than she thinks. DD was perfectly capable of starting to show her preferences by the age of 18 months in terms of colour, clothes and toys.

Lweji · 24/08/2017 17:46

DS spent most of his first year in white suits. Grin
With small decorations. Nothing in pink (at least not overly pink) but then I don't like pink much myself. Or baby blue, for that matter. Grin

I think it's silly to try and be completely gender neutral, as it's not really possible to avoid it.

But, then there's way too much gender stereotyping these days. I'm all for toning in down.

Oysterbabe · 24/08/2017 17:46

dd1 has 3 dc different genders

What are the 3 different genders?

Hulababy · 24/08/2017 17:47

New modern parenting nope, just trying again what we tried to do back in the 70s.

But its not. I was born in the 70s. As a girl, as well as shorts and trousers, I also had skirts and dresses. However, my brother had only trousers and shorts, no skirts or dresses.

Circumlocutor · 24/08/2017 17:48

I agree there's no use putting a crawling child in a dress but a walking child can manage just fine in them. Dresses are comfy. Sometimes the gender neutral clothes cheering can sound a bit like girls' things - bad, boys' things - good.

Turquoise0wl · 24/08/2017 17:49

@Circumlocutor - would you put your boy in a dress?

catkind · 24/08/2017 17:51

I was interested in whether they were a boy or a girl in the same way I was interested in whether they had hair or not, how big they were, what colour their eyes were. Not because I wanted to colour code them! Apart from anything else, scans can be wrong on gender - what if you colour code everything pink and then it turns out to be a boy? Do you take everything back to the shop or do you then have to admit babies don't actually care?

Also if it is a girl everyone and their great aunt will give them pink frilly crap. All the more reason to buy some colourful things they'll really love.

We did quite gender neutral as babies because babies don't care and that's what we liked. Then pretty much let them choose once they had an opinion. They have a large range of hand-me-downs of all colours and styles to select from.

Lweji · 24/08/2017 17:51

I'm sure mine would be happy to wear a dress if it was socially acceptable. He's always complaining about the heat.

I mostly have summer dresses because they are cooler than trousers or skirts.

Circumlocutor · 24/08/2017 17:51

No I wouldn't put him in a dress to prove some kind of point. Why would I? I don't claim to be living the gender neutral dream.

Evelynismyspyname · 24/08/2017 17:52

As onalong says its not new - it was standard in the 1970s. How old are you OP, I find it surprising that you think its new!

I was dressed in the ready made offshoot of clothkits clothes as a 1970s kid, and it was all red and brown (for some reason...) Dresses (special scratchy uncomfortable ones which had to match my younger sisters for extra toe curling joy once I was over about 5) were rolled out for public appearances, but otherwise clothing was gender neutral.

Turquoise0wl · 24/08/2017 17:53

I don't know, I just wondered. Would you if he asked?

How does gender-neutral work for school uniform?

I completely agree with gender-neutral (as in, all the clothes in the world are for everyone) it's just a shame society is the way it is.

MelvinThePenguin · 24/08/2017 17:54

I'm really conflicted about this.

Yes, I want both of my DDs to have the freedom to make genuine choices and not be subjected to stereotypes around wider issues such as careers. However, I want to give them an opportunity to work out what it is they do actually like. That's why their wardrobes contain just about every type of clothing available. Girls, boys and neutral. DD1 is 2 and she tells me in no uncertain terms what she wants to wear each day and it could be anything.

I've seen lots of blogs etc. recently where stereotypically girly clothes have been vilified (e.g. described as 'vomit'). I think that in itself is unhealthy. There will be some people who naturally prefer this kind of thing. I think it's pretty much impossible that given even a genuinely free choice everyone would say 'yuck, no pink and frilly thanks'.

I love, love, love girly clothes in my own wardrobe. I know DDs are likely to be influenced by that, but I won't change it because a) it makes me happy and b) I've been pretty successful academically and career wise and it has nothing to do with what colour I wear.

As an aside, DD1 wears jeans 90% of the time. Durable, no knicker flashing and she finds them very comfortable. I was surprised to see hatred of jeans on children!

Turquoise0wl · 24/08/2017 17:57

The thing is, you can offer everything to girls. You can let them pick from everything and parents are more accepting of that than allowing a boy to pick from everything. I know quite a few people who would allow a girl to be dressed in stereotypical 'boy clothes', but know none (Sad) who would low a boy to be dressed in stereotypical 'girl clothes'...

Circumlocutor · 24/08/2017 17:58

If he told me he really wanted to wear a dress to the park? Sure I'd let him. Lots of boys love to wear Disney princess dresses at dress up time. But I'm not going personally going to put him in a dress if he hasn't suggested it to prove how progressive I am.

JAPAB · 24/08/2017 17:58

dd2 is expecting a dd herself and has said she would only like gender neutral gifts, i was a bit upset because i think there are some lovely girls clothes, i said will she never put her in dresses, she says no.

Perhaps you could argue that by deliberately not allowing items that other people associate with one sex, you are still conforming to other people's gender associations. You are still agreeing that pink is for girls etc even if you then reject it because of this.

The true gender-neutral would be to not care about such things and just get the child whatever you or she likes, in and of itself.

Batteriesallgone · 24/08/2017 17:59

We asked parents for gender neutral clothes, because it's not like you can insist with well meaning aunties and such and we knew all the gifts from those kind of relatives would be aggressively gendered. Which they were.

Thank heavens we had some neutral stuff so the kids weren't head to tail blue or pink and we got decent use out of the presents from parents.

It's not that I object to boys in blue or girls in pink. It's just if we hadn't had some of the plainer stuff it would have just been so in your face. I know they're only a baby and don't care but I did. Blue top with a dinosaur matched with blue striped trousers and your change of clothes is more blue and blue gets bloody boring after a while. Whereas a blue top with dinosaurs matched with plain grey or green trousers looks really nice, for example.

MargaretCabbage · 24/08/2017 17:59

I have a boy and a girl. My toddler DS mostly wears character clothes, at his request, but my DD is often dressed in neutral clothes. I've found even on neutral t-shirts a lot of girls clothes has tiny buttons that are hard to fasten on a wriggly baby instead of the practical poppers on boys clothes. I like bright prints and monochrome, I hate all the frilly pastel clothing you find in the supermarket, so I'll just dress her in the clothes I like until she's old enough to have a say.

Neutral clothes are really helpful if you want a second baby too, and I loved dressing my DD in DS's hand me downs.

NotTheDuchessOfCambridge · 24/08/2017 18:02

Thing is, children will make their own mind up anyway. My daughters room had cream walls but with pink accessories. One day she said that she didn't like pink, she liked green, so out went the pink and in came the green. Just because you buy your DDs pink outfits does not mean they stereotype themselves. Children know their own minds, you aren't going to taumatise a baby girl by putting her in a pink baby grow.

PonderLand · 24/08/2017 18:02

Hi OP if you're looking for places to buy gender neutral clothing, marks and Spencer's is quite good from what I remember and the little bird section of mothercare range. Places like Asda Morrisons etc are quite bad for 'princess' type stuff. We didn't find out the sex so got all gender neutral stuff. I'm glad we didn't find out as you put more thought into clothes and colours etc. Although my son looked like he'd been thrown back into the 70's!