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AIBU?

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Original poster

dd is only going to use gender neutral stuff for her dd?

604 replies

ioliverielinor · 24/08/2017 17:00

hiya,

just looking for views really. is this the new modern parenting? dd2 is expecting a dd herself and has said she would only like gender neutral gifts, i was a bit upset because i think there are some lovely girls clothes, i said will she never put her in dresses, she says no. im a bit surprised really, but yet she is happy to have her hair long, etc.??

just curious if this is the norm now? i have never really heard of it before, dd1 has 3 dc different genders and never had an issue buying them boys and girls items.

im not judging, but think its slightling strange? aibu?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
LellyMcKelly · 24/08/2017 17:25

Good for her! It will save her a fortune if she has a boy next. I really wish I'd thought of it. Gender neutral clothing doesn't have to mean boring clothing. Think teals and reds and oranges, comfy leggings and shorts and tops. It's a terrific idea.

Circumlocutor · 24/08/2017 17:26

Dresses are a huge nuisance for toddlers exploring.

Not necessarily. My dd wears little jumper dresses (that she loves) with her Van trainers. No nuisance at all.

Lweji · 24/08/2017 17:27

dd1 has 3 dc different genders

I think you mean of two different sexes. And your DD1 was happy to gender stereotype them.

Leavingonajet · 24/08/2017 17:28

My dd was fairly gender neutral when small, cut to her being a girl not a baby. She chooses her own dresses and has grown her hair. This will not be in your daughters control for that long.

FizzyGreenWater · 24/08/2017 17:28

It was a big no-no to dresses here too! A baby in a dress looks terrible in my opinion - fussy, frilly, silly, clearly far less comfortable than they'd be in a sleepsuit. And as for gender neutral colours - by far the nicest clothes mine had were very gender neutral. OP you'll have a ball dressing your GD, think fab cool rainbow sleepsuits and lovely yellows, greens, purples and wonderful patterns. Much nicer than insipid baby pink things covered in bows (or, if a boy, dull pale blue or grey with 'Little Monster' written on it - bleurgh).

Google scandi kids clothes to start - smafolk, katvig, polarn o pyret. Fantastic stuff.

Lweji · 24/08/2017 17:28

I'm guessing your DD hates pink frillies and is using a neutral way of telling you to stay off them?

Ragwort · 24/08/2017 17:29

My parents started a savings account for each of their grandchildren - perfectly acceptable, incredibly useful now that the grandchildren are all teenagers and totally gender neutral Grin.

Mrsdraper1 · 24/08/2017 17:29

We dressed dd's in mostly cream stuff when they were tiny but then we didn't find out what we were having so genuinely didn't know what to buy and practically speaking beige is the same colour as sick so washes a treat and better for re-use when you have a second.

Circumlocutor · 24/08/2017 17:30

Google scandi kids clothes to start - smafolk, katvig, polarn o pyret. Fantastic stuff.

Expensive stuff

Circumlocutor · 24/08/2017 17:31

Boots do nice bright prints at un-Scandi prices.

ContactLenses · 24/08/2017 17:32

Out of interest- not judging at all, just wondering. Why did we find out what she was having if she would dress either child the same? It's not like she'd want to prepare for the baby with specific colours etc.

NotTheDuchessOfCambridge · 24/08/2017 17:34

Back in the 70's my DM dressed me in all manner of clothing, brothers cast offs, neighbours Dd'S cast offs. Back then you didn't have to make a "thing" of it. Today everything is scrutinised and made a thing. Just dress children the way you like without making it a big deal! If you like green, fine, but that doesn't mean you can't put her in pink if you like a certain item. People limit themselves by making grand gestures. Prett pathetic.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 24/08/2017 17:34

Ha good luck to her! I tried this with dd1. It was fine until she went to nursery and wanted everything pink!!! And I let her have it because I want her to be happy not a science experiment.

Natsku · 24/08/2017 17:36

Will we have an army of beige children?

Gender neutral clothes don't have to be beige! DD was dressed in all manners of bright colours and stripes and whatnot that were all gender neutral

BendydickCuminsnatch · 24/08/2017 17:36

Why did she find out the sex before birth? Seems odd if you're going to be all gender neutral... I found out this time round but 1) I wanted to buy some nice girly things if he was a girl (he's not) and 2) I wanted to prepare DS specifically!

Original poster
ioliverielinor · 24/08/2017 17:36

thanks, i just remember it when they were small you walk into a shop pick out something from each section, all of them grew up fine! she found out the sex so she just knew what it was i believe, not really sure why, she then also could finalise the name. if gendered stuff is such an issue, why is there boy and girl names!? i am surprised she didn't pick a gender neutral one of those...

OP posts:
BendydickCuminsnatch · 24/08/2017 17:37

*Google scandi kids clothes to start - smafolk, katvig, polarn o pyret. Fantastic stuff.

Expensive stuff*

Try Lindex! Scandi and cheap!

FizzyGreenWater · 24/08/2017 17:38

Circumlocutor - good point, they are!! I meant more to see what's on offer. OP seems to fear that her GD will be spending the next 18months in a beige jumpsuit.

Personally I used to get scandi makes from ebay!!! However, H&M were always good for bright coloured vests and occasional sleepsuits. Next also fairly ok.

Allthebestnamesareused · 24/08/2017 17:38

Good luck with that. I had a friend who went down that route. By the time her daughter was 3 she was flitting around the garden in a tutu and when I asked what she was doing she said "I'm pretending to be a butterfly".

BendydickCuminsnatch · 24/08/2017 17:38

if gendered stuff is such an issue, why is there boy and girl names!? i am surprised she didn't pick a gender neutral one of those...

My thoughts too! Seems like she's just in a phase...

Turquoise0wl · 24/08/2017 17:38

@Queenofthedrivensnow - I assume the OP's DD will be gender-neutral until her daughter decides what she wants. That's the whole point, surely?

TrailingWife · 24/08/2017 17:38

Her kid, her choice. She can also dictate only natural toys, what books & movies are acceptable, etc.

I was somewhat that way when my girls were born. They had some girl clothes, but most gender neutral things. I focused on things they could really play in, regardless of color. Both of them went through phases when they just wanted to dress as princesses and play with Barbie and it drove me batty. I kept trying to push them away from stereotypes, but they loved all that crap.

PacificDogwod · 24/08/2017 17:39

Babies don't care what colour they are in.

Leave her to it.

I was dressing my DSs in all sorts of colours and point blank refused khaki/camouflage (really? I am to dress my cute little baby in soldier gear?! WTAF Hmm) although they did have a lot of blue.
DS1's favourite colour as a toddler was 'a-bink' (pink), he loved pink stuff. It lasted until about 2 weeks at nursery when he soon learnt that 'pink is for girls'.

It's not that long ago that pink was for boys btw...

BetterEatCheese · 24/08/2017 17:40

I think it's a great idea. Far too much pink frilly crap which is too pretty and delicate for adventures and climbing.

VikingVolva · 24/08/2017 17:40

It's more a case of keeping things in proportion.

Not colour coding babies, and ensuring items are suitable to be passed on to whatever sex sibling might follow is just common sense. It's not the 00s anymore, when we all thought we were rich.

Also, recognising that sex stereotyping has gone a bit too far doesn't mean that you are not acknowledging that your child has a sex. So no reason to call them by a unisex name if you don't happen to like those names. I think that sort of false reasoning based in an invalid extrapolation is called reductio ad absurbam.