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AIBU?

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Original poster

dd is only going to use gender neutral stuff for her dd?

604 replies

ioliverielinor · 24/08/2017 17:00

hiya,

just looking for views really. is this the new modern parenting? dd2 is expecting a dd herself and has said she would only like gender neutral gifts, i was a bit upset because i think there are some lovely girls clothes, i said will she never put her in dresses, she says no. im a bit surprised really, but yet she is happy to have her hair long, etc.??

just curious if this is the norm now? i have never really heard of it before, dd1 has 3 dc different genders and never had an issue buying them boys and girls items.

im not judging, but think its slightling strange? aibu?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Foniks · 24/08/2017 18:39

Loads of people say this, but then they see a nice top aimed at girls, or a nice dress that would suit their daughter or something. I'm all for not sticking to what you "should" be dressing in, but you don't need to purposely exclude things. If a dress is nice, a dress is nice, why reject it just because you've got a daughter?!
I agree there aren't that many nice girl things, they're all princess this or unicorn that, but there's still plenty to choose from in both girls things and neutral things. Dresses are rubbish at the start though, too much faffing around, same with when they're crawling.

LittleBearPad · 24/08/2017 18:42

Some of my favourite clothes for my DC were their plain white babygrows - they were so lovely in them.

We had neutral clothes as we didn't know if either was a boy or girl. The explosion of pepto bismal pink happened regardless as pretty much all presents were pink.

Your DD is getting her head round the fact she's having a baby, if she doesn't want a whole heap of dresses then that's up yo her. Dresses on tiny babies are hopeless anyway.

derxa · 24/08/2017 18:47

Good for her. Buy the child some practical clothes she can play in.

Batteriesallgone · 24/08/2017 18:51

My DS started wanting a say in what he was wearing late 3 / 4 years old.

DD is nearly 3 and wears what I put her in.

The whole 'they will choose soon enough' thing is years away OP. Let your DD have her way, it's her PFB, she's just excited. I remember in the early days with DS what I dressed him in was the only interesting thing about him and it was quite important to me!

STRONGandSTABLE · 24/08/2017 18:53

I was like this with DD1. Was determined that she wasn't going to be predisposed to conforming to female stereotypes. She was dressed in gender neutral clothes, had all sorts of toys, for girls and boys (was never interested in dolls or cars) and her hair was naturally short.

She grew up to be a stunning young woman, very confident, very cool and very feminine. She is equally as happy with or without make up and always (to me) looks a million dollars.
DD2, 6 years later and I had a pink phase, so everything was girlie and pink. She has ended up being exactly the same as DD1.
Your GDD will turn out fine - allow your DD to bring her DD up how she wants - you've had your chance, so allow her to have hers.

museumum · 24/08/2017 18:54

Dresses are just daft before a child can stand up. After that they're ok if they don't inhibit playing so personally I'd only use short tunics with leggings.
For a first child all new stuff to be gender neutral makes a lot of sense.

Anatidae · 24/08/2017 18:54

She's telling you politely 'no pink frilly shit.'

And frankly, I agree with her. I now live in Sweden and clothes here are generally gender neutral as a default. Kids spend most of the day outdoors st kindergarten regardless of weather. They run and play and get filthy so you send them in in hardwearing colourful stuff. In autumn and winter they all wear overalls, snow suits and boots all in bright colours. It's great, it's not like you never see pink but you're as likely to see a boy in a pink jack as a girl. There are a couple of kids in his class I have no idea if they are girls or boys,

No headbands either (gods I hate that whole headbands on baby girls shit.)

Do you sew? If you do there's a wealth of patterns and fabulous fabrics out there. If not, then there's loads of bright coloured baby clothes. PoP or the scandi brands are pricey. Lindex cheaper, but boots and mother are do good stuff too. It doesn't have to be beige! I just made a fabulous blueberry print onsie for a friend,

TvTan · 24/08/2017 18:55

DD was mostly dressed in plain bright leggings and tops. No slogans. No dinosaurs, or princesses. And dresses kept to bright colours if weather hot. Loads of washed out head to toe pink gives me the creeps. If we had to 'dress up' to go anywhere I preferred her in white. So was I quasi gender neutral?

At 2 and a half she is definitely dressed as a girl with bright colours but she seems to like pink and purple. And bloody bows.

grasspigeons · 24/08/2017 18:55

Aw babies in white baby gros with a white knitted cardi. Too cute.
I'm sure once the girl gets older she'll want the odd dress and you can take her shopping then.

derxa · 24/08/2017 18:56

they're "thermal wear" or some such nonsense. wink They're called skins according to the wee boys I used to teach.

Ceto · 24/08/2017 18:58

The "new modern parenting"? What on earth are you talking about? I was putting my children in gender-neutral stuff back in the 80s. And also putting DS into DD's old pink babygros.

DamnDeDoubtanceIsSpartacus · 24/08/2017 18:58

She sounds great.

Why are you asking if she should have picked a gender neutral name? She isn't denying the biology of her child. She is just making the point that she won't attach any expectations to their sex.

formerbabe · 24/08/2017 18:58

The overwhelming attitudes on here towards this gender neutral crap parenting seem to be...

Pink stuff, princesses, dolls are all awful unless you have a boy who is into those things...in which case, it is fabulous and you should paint his nails pink as added bonus points.

Car, tractors, mud, climbing trees are all brilliant for both boys and girls.

supersop60 · 24/08/2017 19:01

My dsis insisted on putting her dd in dresses. She was a very active baby and the dresses really impeded her progress.

BubblesJoy · 24/08/2017 19:01

DD is 6, she has never worn a dress. Silly and impractical.
She has also, shock horror, never worn pink. I dislike the colour and it wouldn't suit her colouring, she looks great in bold colours, not pastels.

mogulfield · 24/08/2017 19:02

I'm sure someone must have mentioned this programme but watch this... www.bbc.co.uk/mediacentre/proginfo/2017/33/no-more-boys-and-girls

if you ever want your girl to grow up to know she can be a doctor/fighter pilot/engineer/whatever she wants then messaging starts from birth. Dressing them in frilly pink shit might seem insignificant but it's part of the 'drip drip' messaging we send our girls.

Lweji · 24/08/2017 19:02

Pink stuff, princesses, dolls are all awful unless you have a boy who is into those things

They are not ALL awful.
But it's awful to have a girl ONLY in frilly stuff.
As I wouldn't want my boy only in brown/black/grey /blue stuff.

Spam88 · 24/08/2017 19:05

Haven't read the full thread, but I must admit I find it a bit odd finding out the sex but then wanting everything to be gender neutral 🤔 if gender isn't important then why is sex? Maybe I'm missing something though.

formerbabe · 24/08/2017 19:06

But it's awful to have a girl ONLY in frilly stuff.
As I wouldn't want my boy only in brown/black/grey /blue stuff

Overwhelming on here, gender neutral seems to be focused on girls not having typically girly, pink clothing. Read through this thread...there is very little criticism of boys being dressed in jeans, grey/blue colours and tractor motifs.

Lweji · 24/08/2017 19:07

Maybe because the OP posted about her granddaughter being a girl?

If she had posted about a boy and being asked for gender neutral, then pps would post more about how awful it is to have boys only in blue.

formerbabe · 24/08/2017 19:10

If she had posted about a boy and being asked for gender neutral, then pps would post more about how awful it is to have boys only in blue

I really doubt it. There's such an assumption that stereotypically boys stuff is cooler. It's really cool to have a DD who climbs trees but not if she likes playing with dolls. Boys can do both though and it's all brilliant.

Lweji · 24/08/2017 19:11

I find it a bit odd finding out the sex but then wanting everything to be gender neutral 🤔 if gender isn't important then why is sex?

Finding out the sex is not necessarily important, just because the parents found it out.

More often than not, it's something that can easily be told from the 20 week scan. Some people even pay for 3D to see the baby's face.

derxa · 24/08/2017 19:11

Oh how I look fondly back on my childhood in the 60s running around in wellies, trousers and jumpers.

bossyrossy · 24/08/2017 19:12

Why should gender neutral mean dressing girls in boys clothes? Gender neutral will only be truly here when we are happy to put boys in dresses. They are cooler in hot weather and much easier for toddlers who are undergoing toilet training. And why is pink just for girls?

Lweji · 24/08/2017 19:12

It's really cool to have a DD who climbs trees but not if she likes playing with dolls.

You need some perspective on this.
It's not specifically cooler to have a DD who prefers to climb trees than playing with dolls.
It's often mentioned (as is when boys like dolls) to show that children often don't conform to our gender stereotypes.

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